Chapter 27
His Decision
Nang mapagtantuan 'kong sa wakas ay nasabi ko na rin sa kaniya ang aking matagal nang gustong sabihin ay agad akong nakaramdam ng biglaang paggaan ng loob. But it was immediately replaced by the rapid beating of my heart inside my chest.
Nanatili akong nakatungo, nakatingin sa aking mga kamay habang hinihintay ang kaniyang magiging sagot. I don't know how he will react with this. I don't know him well enough to predict his reactions.
It just really shows how little we know about each other's personal lives. We only know how the other party gets satisfied in bed. We only know the right spots and where to touch to be able to pleasure each other. But, other than that, we know nothing.
I guess that it's also a good thing, meaning that we really never crossed the boundaries that we set in this arrangement of ours.
Unti-unti nang kumukunot ng aking noo nang hindi pa rin ako nakakakuha ng sagot mula sa kaniya. Even a single gasp or shout, it never came out from him. Nanatili kaming napapalibutan ng nakakabinging katahimikan.
I slowly raised my head to see him still staring straight at me. I really can't tell what he's feeling right now. His facial expressions were very normal and somehow... calm. "Andre, I said that I'm pregnant..." I whispered once again.
Nang lumabas ito mula sa aking bibig ng pangalawang beses ay muling natahimik ang buong paligid. The deafening silence was slowly eating the whole room. The anxiety deep within me, slowly drowning me in uncontrollable thoughts as the silence kept on going.
What is he thinking? Is he happy? Is he confused, sad, or angry? Does he need some time to think of it thoroughly? Do I need to leave him alone and give him some space?
My feet that is hidden underneath my legs were slowly getting colder by the minute. Ang aking mga kamay ay unti-unti na ring nanlalamig kasabay ng sobrang bilis na pagkabog ng aking puso.
I lightly flinched as I felt him move from his position. Tumingala ako at nadatnan itong tumayo mula sa pagkakaupo. Ang kaniyang kanang kamay ay lumipad sa kaniyang bibig, gumagapang pataas sa kaniyang mahabang buhok. He swept the black locks of his long hair backward with his long, slick fingers. I heard him let out a loud sigh as he faced his back at me.
"Damn it, Imo," I heard him whispered.
Napapikit ako nang marinig ang kaniyang sinabi. Looks like he'll blame me for this.
"You know that you can reject us, right?" mabilisan 'kong sagot pabalik. Uunahan ko na siya. Just based from that single reaction, I know that he doesn't and will never want this.
I knew it from the very start that this will be his decision.
"I knew it..." he inaudibly whispered to himself. Napakunot ang aking noo nang hindi ko marinig nang maiigi ang kaniyang mahihinang bulong.
I let out a sigh as I extended my legs to stand up from the couch. I looked behind me and reached for my bag that was left on the couch. "I'm leaving then. I'll give you some time to think of this... situation," I said as I quickly walked over to the door of his condo.
I slipped my feet in my rubber shoes that was placed just beside the door. "You can just contact me if you already have a decision. We can meet some other time, or if you want to, you can just reject us through the phone. I'll take care of everything else," dagdag ko pa.
I extended my arms and reached for the doorknob of his door. Agad ko itong binuksan at mabilisang pumanhik palabas ng condo. I straightened my back as I quickly walked through the hallways and didn't even hesitate to leave.
Agad akong tumapat sa elevator at hinintay itong magbukas. Nang ito'y bumukas ay sinalubong ako ng isang babaeng nakasuot ng itim na damit. She was holding a plastic bag on her left hand while a phone on the other. Our eyes met for a second before she stepped out of the elevator and turned her attention back to her phone.
Huminga ako nang malalim at saka pumanhik sa loob ng elevator. Hindi ko na lamang namalayan ay unti-unti na palang tumutulo ang mga luha pababa sa aking pinsgi. Nang mapansin 'kong tumigil ang elevator sa isang palapag ay agad 'kong pinunasan ang aking mga pisnge gamit ang aking palapulsuhan.
I went back to where I parked my car. Nang makapasok sa loob ay agad 'kong tinapon ang aking mga gamit na dala sa likuran ng aking kotse. I raised both of my hands as I gripped on the steering wheels of the car. I clenched my hands around it as I slowly leaned my head down on the middle of the steering wheel.
The moment I hid my face from any public eye, the tears that were bottled up inside me immediately fell. I already know that it will be hard for him to react with what I said. I tried my best to prepare myself from that kind of reaction, but, that reaction happening in real life, in front of you hits different.
Patuloy lamang ako sa paghagulgol. My shoulders shaking as quiet sobs continued to come out from me. It's okay. I expected this already. It just really felt different seeing it in real life. I'll just patiently wait for his real decision.
Two days already passed without Andre reaching out to me even once. Another Monday will pass by, and I still haven't heard a single thing from him.
Hindi ako masyadong abala sa trabaho dahil natapos na namin ang mga requirements last week. It just means that I have a lot of time to overthink about Andre's decision. Kahit anong gawin 'kong pagkukunwaring busy ay bumabalik pa rin ako sa pag-iisip kung ano na bang desisyon ni Andre.
I know that I shouldn't pressure him, but I just can't help but to feel anxious about his decision. Hindi ako mapakali.
Ilang oras ang lumipas na pinipilit 'kong tanggalin sa aking isipan ang tungkol sa lalaking iyon at sa wakas ay dumating na rin ang oras para sa aming tanghalian. I let out heavy sigh as I pushed myself away from the desktop. I shut my eyes tightly as I felt it slightly burn.
Nang lumingon ako sa aking likuran ay nagulat ako nang makita na roong nakatayo ang dalawa 'kong kaibigan. "Let's go?" Nica asked with a serious expression painted on her face. Tumango ako at muling lumingon sa aking cubicle.
Inayos ko ang mga bagay sa taas ng aking desk at kinuha ang aking telepono at pitaka. "Saan tayo?" I asked as I stood up from my seat.
I slowly dragged my gaze to Jade and Nica's direction, only to see a manly figure in front of me. My words trailed off as I looked over to my friends, just behind the man's body. Kumunot nang kaunti ang aking noo at saka muling ibinalik ang aking tingin sa lalaking nasa aking harapan.
"Imo, can we talk?" he whispered. His eyes were emotionless as his cold tone lingered in my ears.
I slowly gave him a nod as I spoke. "Yeah, sure. Mauna na kayo, Jade, Nica. Susunod nalang ako kapag may oras pa," I said as I looked back on my friends. Agad naman silang tumango. Jade reached for Nica's arms and pulled her away from us. Binigyan pa ako ng matamis na ngiti ni Jade sabay kaway nang unti-unti na silang lumalayo sa akin.
Binalik ko ang aking tingin kay Andre na taimtim pa rin na nakatingin sa akin. Hinigit ko ang aking hininga nang ito'y tumalikod mula sa akin. He didn't say a single thing and continued walking straight. Tumigil lamang ito nang humarap kami sa tapat ng elevator na sarado.
I clasped both of my hands together as I looked in front of me, waiting for the elevator doors to open. Pilit 'kong kinakalma ang aking puso na sobra ang kabog sa loob ng aking dibdib. Ilang minuto pa kaming tahimik na naghihintay ay bumukas din ang elevator.
He immediately moved forward and stepped in the small room. Agad naman akong sumunod dito kasabay ng tatlo pang ibang tao. He pressed the button of the 25th floor and crossed his arms across his broad chest.
Dire-diretso itong lumabas nang tumigil ang elevator sa 25th floor. I excused myself to the other people inside the elevator and followed his steps. Nang tumingin ako sa harapan ay agad akong sinalubong ng iisang cubicle sa gilid. There was a tall and slim lady, sitting behind the desk. Nag-aayos ito ng mga papeles nang mapansin niya kaming dalawa ni Andre na papasok sa loob.
Agad itong tumayo at ibinaba ang kaniyang mga papel na hawak. She looked at Andre's figure and bowed her head to give respect to him. "Good afternoon po, Sir," she greeted. Tumango lamang si Andre rito at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad.
Nang makalapit ako sa desk nito ay agad din naman niya akong binigyan ng maliit na ngiti. "Good afternoon, Miss," she said, greeting me too.
"Good afternoon," I politely responded and slightly bowed my head. Andre's secretary looks young. If I'm going to guess, she looks like she's in her early 20's. Itim na itim din ang kaniyang buhok at di gaanong kaputian ang kutis. She looks nice and approachable.
I lightly shook my head and stopped myself from further examining her. When I looked in front of me, I saw Andre already inside his office. The looks of his office was the same, just like the last time I was here. Glass walls around it, same desk, and same decorations.
Nang makasunod ako sa loob ay agad din naman niyang sinarado ang salamin na pintuan. "Sit," he instructed and pointed at the black seat in front of his desk. I nodded and immediately sat on it.
Sinundan ko ito ng tingin habang palakad ito papunta sa likuran ng kaniyang lamesa. He pulled his black swivel chair and sat on it. "So, are we going to talk about my pregnancy?" I blatantly asked. I raised an eyebrow at him as I continued looking straight into his eyes.
Nagpakawala ito ng mabigat na buntong hininga at saka ipinagdikit ang kaniyang dalawang kamay. He raised his hand and placed it on top of the desk. "I've already made my decision, Imo," seryoso nitong banggit.
I swallowed the big lump in my throat as I slightly shifted my body on the seat. "Yeah. That's why I'm here, right?" diretso 'kong sagot pabalik dito.
"I've already made up my mind..." he trailed off. Agad namang bumilis ang kabog ng aking puso. "But, I want to know what your original plan is for the baby. I don't want to interfere with your decision since it is your body that we are talking about," dagdag nito.
Agad naman akong napatigil sa sagot nito. I did not expect for him to respond like that. I was expecting him to immediately say his decision. "I-I, well..." I stuttered as I tried to find the words that I want to say.
To be honest, I don't really have a plan either. I was still depending on what his decision will be. That's why I already told him about my pregnancy. It's because, I too, can not decide on my own.
Kung tatanggapin niya kami, then I will also keep the baby. Kung hindi, then probably no too. Because in the first place all I wanted for this baby is to grow up with a father and a family. I don't need his money. All I need is his presence.
"I haven't thought about it, really. That's why I told this to you already. I want to know your decisions first before making permanent changes in this... situation. Because, I, myself, doesn't know what to do. I'm still going to weigh the situation after hearing your decision..." sagot ko.
I heard him chuckled as I saw his chest slightly vibrated. "Hmm... really?" hindi nito makapaniwalang tanong. A playful smile appeared on his lips as he leaned in further to his desk table. "What if I tell you that I want to keep the child, hmm, Imo?" he said.
Nanlaki ang aking mga mata kasabay ng mas lalong paglakas ng kabog ng aking dibdib. I raised my right hand and placed it on top of my left chest. I clutched the cloth on top of it as I tried my best to control my breathing. Unti-unting lumabas ang maliit na ngiti sa aking mga labi.
He's accepting us? He's accepting me and his baby...
"So, you can probably answer my question now, Imo?" tanong nito. He withdrew his body from leaning on his desk and leaned his back on the black swivel chair. He raised his right leg and placed it on top of his left knee. He also placed his arms across his torso as he sat comfortably on his chair.
"What's your plan with the child?" seryoso nitong tanong. Ang kaninang ngisi na nasa kaniyang mga labi ay agarang naglaho.
Agad akong napaiwas ng tingin mula sa kaniyang mga mata at tumingin sa aking mga naglalarong kamay. "Well, first, I want to know what you specifically mean by those words," paglilinaw ko rito.
"Specifics? I already told you that I'm taking responsibility for the child in your womb, Imo. What more do you want?" nagtataka nitong tanong at bahagya pa akong pinagtaasan ng kilay.
"No. Taking responsibility and accepting this child doesn't mean you can provide a happy family for it, Andre," madiin 'kong banggit at muling sinalubong ang kaniyang mga titig. "I need to know if you can provide a healthy and happy family for this child."
"I'll be the father of the child, Imo. We will make it grow up knowing that I'm the father. I'll take it out in outings, vacations. I'll take responsibility for the expenses of the child," sagot nito. "Why? Do you want us to be together? Is that your definition of a happy family, hmm?" he said.
I didn't give him any kind of reaction and stayed with the emotionless face. I scoffed as a smirk slowly appeared on my lips. "No. That's all I wanted to hear. That you will let the child acknowledge that you are its father."
"Good. Then, we're probably done here?" tanong nito.
I nodded and immediately stood up from the chair. "Just contact me whenever you want to know anything about it. If you want to take care of the 'expenses' of the child, then I'll reach out to you for it. Let's just talk about the other things when it's already here," dire-diretso 'kong banggit at tinalikuran ito.
I confidently walked away from his desk and reached for the metal handle of the glass door.
"Oh, right," pahabol nito. Agad naman akong napatigil sa palalakad at nanatili sa aking kinatatayuan upang hintayin ang kaniyang sasabihin. The door was still left hanging open, my fingers still wrapped around the metal handle. "I would also want to request a DNA test when it's already out."
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