Song For This Chapter:
So Far Away x Kiss Me mashup (slowed)
Kiss me like the world is gonna disappear
I'm a better person when I have you here
Oh I, I, I got you and I, I can get through
------
Darlene's POV
It's been five days since Harry and I's run in at Cherry's. His reassurance did ease some of my stress but it doesn't make this situation any less hard.
I miss him...a lot.
But he kept his promise, he hasn't tried to contact me. He stopped sitting next to me in astronomy, he's giving me space. Space I know we need, more so for his sake than mine.
It's crazy how the thought of him avoiding me would've been a positive thing for me at one point. When I first started working at the pool that's all I wanted, I wanted him to leave me alone.
I've been avoiding my apartment as much as I can recently, I just spend my time doing some sort of studying on campus. Whether it's outside or inside. It may be relatively cold out but it means less people will be sitting at those tables. I like the quiet. But I also like knowing that there's people around, if I'm at my apartment I'm completely alone with my thoughts.
Today was one of the days I chose to sit outside, grabbing myself a hot chocolate from the cafeteria. The taste of hot cocoa it's comforting to me.
It reminds me the days where I'd go outside and play in the snow with my neighbors for hours. Then when it was getting a bit too dark, going inside and taking all my snow gear off, making me feel ten times lighter, hanging them near the fireplace to dry. With my rosy cheeks, red nose, and numb fingers; despite wearing gloves, I'd make my way to the kitchen where my Mom already had a cup of hot chocolate ready for me like clockwork.
The way the simple drink would warm me up, ending my fun day outside in the perfect way.
So that's why I love to drink it in the cold, it warms me up. Reminds me of winter, Christmas, my family, my childhood and all the good and innocent memories that come along with it.
I need all the comfort I can get right now.
I pull my laptop from my backpack, opening the document I was working on yesterday. I've been brainstorming ideas for the screenplay we're going to have to write for my film class. It's not that I don't have ideas, it's that I have too many and I can't decide.
I keep telling myself to keep brainstorming because when the right story comes to mind, it should stand out among the other ones.
I watch the cursor blink on my screen, taunting me. Yelling at me to make another idea, to type out the perfect concept.
I huff in defeat when my mind reels with ideas, none of them satisfying me enough to belong on my list. I grab my drink, taking a sip before squinting down at my screen again. Trying to fully concentrate.
But my thoughts are interrupted when I hear the chair screech against the concrete, causing me to flick my eyes in the direction of the sound. It's directly across the table from me, and the culprit is none other than Zayn Malik.
Once he's fully seated, I just stare at him for a second before diverting my eyes back to my screen. An idea pops into my head and I reach into my bag to grab my headphones out so I don't even have to hear what he has to say.
"Do you know where Harry is?" He quickly spews out after the sound of my headphones hitting the table breaks the silence.
I stare up at him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"No idea" I state, which is truthful. He'd most likely be at his apartment, but who knows.
"Well he's ignoring me and he's avoiding me. But I need to talk to him" Zayn speaks out with a sigh. His tone leads me to believe that he doesn't believe me, making me huff.
"Zayn, I don't know where he is" I state, speaking each word firmly and at a slower pace to emphasize that I'm being truthful.
He just turns his head to the side, a stressed look on his face as his leg begins bouncing.
"Do you know where he might be?"
"Look. He clearly doesn't want to talk right now, so it's probably best to leave him alone. You and I both know he wouldn't take you just showing up out of nowhere fondly. It would just piss him off more" I explain with a sigh, reaching my arm forward to take a comforting sip of my warm drink.
I don't know why I'm giving him advice, but the slight distressed look on his face makes me pity him a bit.
"Can you tell him I want to talk so at least he's aware" Zayn speaks out defeated, sounding as if the words pained him to say. He hates that he's asking me for help regarding his friend. I can tell.
"I can't"
I'm getting tired of this conversation already.
He furrowed his eyebrows, "Why?"
"None of your business" I deflect quickly, before he has a chance to respond I speak again,
"Don't you have anything better to do? Like, I don't know, invading one of your other friends personal lives? Or talking about situations that you have no place to speak on?" I snap, hating that the person sitting in front of me is just bringing up the memories of the past week and a half.
His confused expression still stays on his face, he seems a bit taken aback by my statement. Must sting when someone finally lays out the truth for you without sugar coating it.
I just shake my head before shutting my laptop, and begin packing up my bag. I stand up throwing the straps over my shoulders, grabbing my paper cup off the table without one glance to Zayn.
"I gotta go" I mumble, before I'm heading off to the parking garage.
So much for trying to be productive, thanks Zayn.
I know I should've just told him to leave me alone, he probably would have eventually. But like I said earlier he's just a reminder of why my life is currently a mess. My emotions are already as fragile as a damn butterfly wing so I'm not testing my limits.
I wish I could just go back in time to when Harry and I had no issues, the blissful honeymoon phase.
...wait
My brain suddenly clicks and I'm pulling out my phone, swiftly opening my notes app.
This is the idea that stands out among all the others. A screenwrite involving the butterfly effect. It's essentially about the idea of if you went back in time, even the littlest changes made to the past can have a huge effect on the future. I played a video game about it once. One of my favorite thrillers loosley has to do with it too. If you've ever seen the Final Destination movies you'll know what I'm talking about.
I may not have the luxury of going back in time, but at least I can give my character the ability. But I already know the ending is going to be sad, things play out how they originally did for a reason. That's my philosophy anyways, you can't mess with the past. No matter how hard you may want to or wish to.
When I talk about going back in time, I'm just trying to relive the exact moment. I wouldn't change anything. But if I did, that's where the butterfly effect comes in, changing the outcome of the future.
I'm already eager to write it, and there is suppose to be a pretty big snow storm. It's starting tonight, continuing for the rest of the day tomorrow. But it will definetly be more than enough snow to have classes cancelled and snow plows overworking themselves. But this will give me time to start. Plus I love snow storms, so it's a win win.
----
As it got darker and darker the thick snow fell faster and faster from the sky. It's late enough in the night where the snow plows take their time, not many people will be on the roads anyways. I watch the snow fall from my bedroom window, trying to use this time to formulate how my screenwrite will play out.
But it's been hours, and no idea has been good enough for me. It's pretty late in the night too, last time I checked the clock it was 11pm and I have no clue how much time has gone by since then.
I decide sitting here and overworking my brain is only going to make things worse. I need to clear my head.
Without a second thought I walking to my closest, reaching all the way in the back, blindly feeling around until my fingers graze the fuzz at the top of my white snow boots. I pull them out placing them a bit behind me before standing up and grabbing a thick navy blue Westconn crew neck that I stole from my Dad and a pair of gray sweatpants. Next I shove all my hangers to the side until I spot my black north face puffer jacket.
I get as bundled up as I can, black wool gloves, scarf, and coincidentally thick black fuzzy socks to keep my feet warm. The only real splash of color is my light pink winter hat topped with a fuzzy gray pom pom. It wasn't too cold either but the temperature dropped a shit ton when the snow rolled in.
There's just something about being warm while it's cold outside, it feels cozy. I'm giddy as I slip my phone into my coat pocket and make my way outside, shutting the door behind me. I feel more and more excited the further the elevator descends. My eyes lighting up when I finally spot the glass door at the end of the lobby that will allow me outside.
I take it in for a second, the sound of the snow softly hitting the ground being the only thing you can hear. It's completly silent, the world seems like it's on pause, I missed this.
I begin walking, the crunch of the snow being added to the minimal noise surrounding me. I don't really have a place in mind to go, I'm just going to walk. Go wherever my feet take me.
Everything about this is calming, reliving. Just for awhile I could leave all my problems at home. I'm taking a break from overthinking. Not worrying about Harry and I, my story, my broken relationship with my best friend, Harry's friends, everything. I left it behind. I know the second I'm back at my apartment I'll be forced to let it all back in, but for now I'll enjoy my break.
I'm calm for what seems like the first time in weeks.
I watch my feet as they make footprints in the snow, one that will outline the journey I take. Mine are the only prints here now.
I spot the park that's near my apartment, well not super close but not super far. I always pass it on my way home from Cherry's so I see it a lot. I've been walking for awhile so I decide to stop here, it seemed appealing.
I cross the street, the sight of the snow covered playground getting closer and closer. The lake behind the area reflecting the moon in a mesmerizing way. When I spot the bench facing the lake, sat under a tree I make my way over.
I brush off the small amount of snow that had managed to slip through the opening between the branches. I sit, turning to the side and propping my legs up so I can hug my knees. I just watch the snowflakes dissolve when they hit the water.
Tranquility, it's a rare feeling.
I rest my head briefly on my knees, closing my eyes before instinct told me to lift my head again. I see a silhouette approaching from the opposite direction I came from. I can't see what they look , the snowflakes obstructing my view and the street light that they're currently under is a bit away. I just keep myself hidden under my tree, curious to see what other stranger decided to go walking.
I have some time to kill though before they're close enough, so I hide my head in my knees again, back into my comforting cocoon. It feels safe here.
I finally lift my head back up and to my surprise see the figure approaching the playground and not passing by like I assumed. I squint my eyes trying to get them to focus on the figure despite the snow being a bit distracting and my heart immediately drops.
Harry??
His focus is currently set on the swings, I assume, so I take that as my chance to get up and try and leave without him noticing.
There's no way this is happening? How? Ughhhh. So much for my peaceful stroll.
I keep my gaze on him as my feet take me in the direction of the street. But not paying attention to what was in front of me was a mistake because I knock into a low branch sticking out, making the piled up snow on top it fall to the ground. The sound on a normal day would be quiet, but with the silence of everything right now, I panic.
When my eyes move from the branch of betrayal and back to Harry I can see him looking in my direction, observing the source of the noise. He's holding his hand up to shield his eyes from the falling snow as I stand frozen in place. After a few seconds he begins taking a few more steps, enough to my horror that makes him take his hand down.
"Darlene?" He questions in disbelief. This is the coincidence of the century.
The sound of his voice only stiffens my already frozen state. My heart rate picks up a bit. He begins taking more steps further and that's when my legs begin to function again, and their first instinct is to walk as fast as they can away, and back down the street the way I came.
God dammit.
When I begin to hear crunches of the snow from behind me, I'm alerted of the speed of his approach, so I pick up my pace.
"Darlene wait" he calls out from behind me, his voice holding a pinch of desperation. But I don't, I can't, my body has taken over and it's telling me to walk. Keep walking and don't stop.
"Dar" He attempts again to get me to stop, as he continues to try and catch up to me. His voice is now even closer than before.
I don't acknowledge it again, I was suppose to leave my problems at home. Yet I ended up finding them again. I guess people were right when they say you can't run from your problems.
The next thing I feel is his grip on my elbow which makes my legs stop moving, but my mind still races quickly.
"Darlene" He utters again when I'm finally face to face with him. The sight of his rosy cheeks is adorable, if the circumstances were different it would've caused a smile to appear on my face.
But once I snap out of my trance I try and take a step back. He seemed to be studying me too, both of us distracted by each other.
But my slight movement caused him to move his grip from my elbow down to my wrist, still keeping me in place.
"Wait, just- I want to-...just...please" Harry spews out, his words jumbled just like I assume his thoughts currently are too. I doubt he expected to see me out her just as much as I didn't expect him.
But the hopeful look in his eyes wills me to comply, my body becoming less tense under his grip which earns a sigh of relief from him.
It's as though his other senses kicked back in now, because his eyes go from the sky, to searching our surroundings. His gaze lands to our right, I follow spotting another tree just a couple steps away. We unspokenly make out way over, the tree only having few branches to keep us out of the snow fall, but it was better than nothing.
I lean against the trunk of the tree, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous right now. But I just take a deep calming breath as I wait for him to speak.
He looks nervous too, his eyes darting around the snow at his feet. I take this moment to finally take in what he's wearing. He's wearing the shirt I got him, with an unbuttoned flannel over it, topped with a dark brown corduroy jacket.
I almost walk up to zip him up, there's no way he's warm enough. His hands are shoved in his pockets, I didn't register if he had gloves on when he stopped me. At least he's keeping his head warm, despite the green bay packers winter hat on his head, his curls still slightly poke out at the bottom in an effortless way.
Finally I glance at his shoes, he's wearing his black leather combat boots. His feet must be freezing, holy shit. Those boots I know damn well aren't tall enough for the amount of snow, he's definitely kicked some snow into his shoe. The black skinny jeans aren't helping either, there's nothing stopping the snow from getting in.
"Okay-okay" Harry mutters under his breath as if he's psyching himself up, wiggling his arms to loosen his tense muscles before turning his attention to me.
"I'm not good with words, at least when it comes to this" he huffs. He isn't saying it like an excuse, more like apologizing before it even happens. The utter stress on his face kills me a bit on the inside.
"Harry take a deep breath" I say softly, the tenseness already being lowered by the mere sound of my voice. I realized this is the first time I've spoken tonight.
He listens, I see his chest rise, he holds it for a second before he releases, the condensation being my a visual confirmation.
When his eyes meet mine, I give him a small nod.
"You're my girlfriend" he states causing my eyebrows to furrow as I a give a confirming nod. That was not the starting words I expected.
He sighs in frustration at himself, "I mean-you're-I'm yours and you're mine and I-" he huffs,
"I'm so fucking happy about it, I never want to make you feel like I'm not" He finally gets out, letting out a breath of relief.
"This" he gestures between us, "is all new to me. It's not an excuse but I needed to unlearn some shit that was planted in my brain, it's not me anymore, I know it's not. I've been doing it unknowingly ever since I met you but sometimes I don't realize it until it's too late and-" Harry's face fills with distress, he's upset with himself. I'll chime in if I think he's about to get overwhelmed enough that he panics, what he has to say is important but words can wait. He needs to make sure he's alright.
"I hate some of the shit I used to do and thought was okay. Meeting you, it's- I feel like my whole world shifted more and more the longer we spent together. In a good way, but in a way my brain was confused about. That's why it took me so long to get the balls to ask you out. You've made me a better person and continue to. You've taught me a lot of things Darlene" He speaks out passionately, his hands pushing more harshly into his pockets showing his nervousness. I can bet his fists are balled up right now tensely or he's fiddling with his rings.
The statement almost brings tears to my eyes, he's like a nervous little kid when they're in trouble and have to explain to an adult what happened.
"You've helped me too, in so many ways" I share, my voice still soft but holding nothing but the truth.
He made me feel completly alive again. He made me feel again.
His stressed expression loosens a bit, but he looks at me with guilt.
"I've hurt you so many times Darlene, I know that. If I could go back in time I would take away any pain I caused you. I shouldn't have blamed you for Louis' actions, I don't know what the hell I was thinking when I did that. I-I took my anger out on you, I was a dick. But I realized a lot of my anger came from people talking about my business-our business" He corrects himself.
The way he's talking right now is making me a bit nervous but I don't dare interrupt him now, not wanting to slow him down.
"It wasn't their place. But I'm not embarrassed of you Darlene, you're one of the best fucking things that has ever happened to me. I'll admit, the thought of any of the guys knowing made me panicked cause-I used to be one of them, I know how they think. I went against their stupid fucking status quo and I knew I would get shit for it. But that's not an excuse to hide you away, I don't want that. I just-I wasn't ready yet. Some of the anger also came from the fact that I didn't get to tell them on my own accord"
He takes a step closer to me, analyzing my reactions. But I have no words right now.
"When you asked me if I ever planned on telling them, I didn't know the answer then, it was shitty I know. But I realized that there was no way I wouldn't have done it eventually. I think I was subconsciously waiting for them to settle down a bit, get used to us, but I was stupid to think they'd ever understand" He continues, truth behind every word that rolls off his tongue. His eyes never diverting from mine as if he's making sure I'm taking in every word.
It makes sense, all of it makes sense. He actually sat down and sorted out his thoughts the best he could and he discovered so much more than I expected.
"Harry I-"
"Wait just one last thing" He spews out quickly taking a step forward and grabbing one of my hands. I inspect his gloveless hand for a second, the metal rings cold enough to be felt through my gloves,
"I'm sorry, I promise to never hide you again and who you-"
I can't hold myself back from grabbing the two sides of his unzipped jacket and pulling him to me until I can attach his lips to me, they're cold but the feel still warms my entire body. I'm so overwhelmed with emotions right now, I feel like I can't get enough of him and the more eager I get the more eager he gets.
The contact is relieving, emotional, blissful. I missed him. He never really left but at the same time he did.
My desire for him just increases and I know his is too with the way he pushes my back against the tree more.
But to my distress he pulls away intaking a breath, but I waste no time in attaching my lips to the exposed part of his neck. He turns his head to the side on instinct giving me a bigger canvas to work on.
But just as I was about to really get started he moves my away and catches my lips once again, his hand unlooping the scarf around my neck. Once it's dropped on the ground his lips trail along my jaw until they moves down to my neck.
I flutter my eyes shut at the feeling, a shiver running through my body as the cold air hits all the places he previously kissed. His leg goes between my own so he can get even closer.
"I'm bad for you Darlene" He breathes against my neck, his words and his blissful actions not matching at all. How can he make me feel so good yet say such serious words.
"Don't say that, Harry don't say that" I quickly spew out, his face still hiding in my neck littering it with kisses. When he nips at a specific spot and begins sucking I let out a soft whimper.
"You and I both know-"
His assault on his neck, just quickens and I know he's trying to distract me enough not to respond. Which is why I lightly push him away before he can finish his sentence.
"You're not the same person you were when I first met you. If I didn't think you were good for me you know damn well I wouldn't still be here" I begin speaking sternly so he understands I'm completly fucking serious. He's listening intently but his expression doesn't look convinced.
"Harry we both made a choice to be together. I decide what's best for me and that's you. So I swear to god if you pull the typical tragic love story shit and blow everything up cause you think you know what's best for me-" I continue but I pause to stare at the green eyes before me, I just got distracted for a second. But it causes my tone to soften.
"-you're one of the best things that's ever happened to me too. Stop getting in your head. I forgive you, I've forgiven you for things in the past. Leave it in the past, I'm ready to move forward. Please" I speak out quietly.
The guilt on his face seems to melt away, it now being replaced with a expression of gratitude.
"Promise me Harry, promise me you won't ever make that decision for me" I speak out, desperation in my voice, my eyes bearing into his deeply.
"Promise" He says reassuringly, placing his hands on my hips and pulling my body into him more.
With that, relief flows over me and I just bury my head into his chest, relishing in the warmth of his body heat. He wraps his arm around me, the hug feeling like an unpause button. A sense of normalcy finally is back.
Harry leaves a soft kiss on the top of my head, his arms squeezing me a bit tighter. I bask in the comfort it gives me before pulling away.
Without a word I reach down to the zipper on Harry's jacket and zip it all the way up. Once I finish I lightly brush of the snowflakes that have settled on his shoulders.
I turn around, walking past the trees and plop myself down in the snow to lay completly on my back. I stare up, watching the snowflakes fall down towards me. I stick my tongue out until one lands on it, making a soft giggle escape my lips.
I feel Harry's presence next to me before he positions himself the same way. I glance over to him seeing his eyes fixated on the falling snow as well.
All that's heard now is the soft sound of the snow hitting the ground once again. It's peaceful.
Tranquility, it's a rare feeling. An even rarer one to share with someone else.
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A/N: You're welcome :))). It's so weird that it's almost the same season now that Harry and Darlene are in. Thanksgiving is approaching, time to meet the fam! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter.
I hope when I'm back on the east coast for christmas or thanksgiving that it snows at least once. I live near a highway but late at night when there's snow covering the streets still, it's just complete silence.
Anyways, thank you guys so much for sticking with this book. I love you all so so so so much! Make sure to vote and comment.
(Also is anyone is good at art and wants to draw this that'd be so cute. I'm not the best drawer but I wish I could show yall a visual of this cause it's just so cute)
-Ash