Why in the world I was in Claude's office with a bouquet of roses, to confess my love? Willingly?
You snorted. Though, things did take turn for the best. You were quite relieved, even happy.
However the events inbetween Claude leaving and you miraculously finding yourself in his office was a gaping hole. You couldn't fill in anything, it was blank. It was as if someone had erased that specific events.
"(Y/n)!"
You jumped, looking down to see Athy waiting for answer to her prior questions as she attached herself to your waist, hugging you.
Ether jumped off your head after inspecting you thoroughly. He had glued himself on you the moment you entered Ruby palace and refused to let go until now.
Athy tugged at your dress again, bringing your focus back to her. You weren't paying attention. You had no idea what she asked. The moment you entered the lobby she came barreling into you with her round blue eyes brimmed with worry.
"Where were you?!" Athy huffed at your silence, repeating her inquires. "I searched the whole palace. You were nowhere to be found! You just disappeared. I was worried!"
You cringed back with each barrage of questions. You yourself had no idea, how were you supposed to answer her's?
"I was at His Majesty's office." You replied hesitatedly.
Athy's eyes went round in alarm, the concern in them turning tenfold.
"Why?"
"I don't know." You sheepishly scratched your cheeks with a strained smile. "I just found myself there. Seems like I'm sleep walking -- no wait wake walking...? No, that doesn't sound right."
Athy went strangely silent, looking hesitant. "You don't remember?"
You stopped searching for right word for your predicament and tilted your head. "Remember what?"
Athy tensed up. Quickly composing herself, she changed the topic. "Nothing! I have something to show you. My new friend!"
She dragged you with her excitedly. "Hurry, hurry!"
You chuckled at her brighten up excited face. "Okay, but you need to be careful with your steps or you'd trip and fall."
She ignored your concern and moved her steps faster. Quickly bringing to her drawing room, she passed by Felix and Lily.
She let go of your hand and excitedly hopped forward. Confused and curious, you looked at Felix and Lily but they only shook their head with amused smiles.
"See!" Athy picked up a small black puppy looking creature and held it out for you to see. "My new friend. Raven!"
You bent down to inspect Raven, fascinated by his doe eyes that greatly resembled like Athy's. Raven shyly cowered back and you gushed over his cuteness. "He's adorable! Where did you get him?"
"It's mine!" Athy said, bouncing on her heels with a excited smile. "I found him in the garden. Can I keep him? Pretty please?!"
Ugh, the puppy eyes!
You shield your eyes from her sparkling puppy eyes. Even Raven was mimicking her! "Athy, if you want, you can keep him. You don't have to ask my permission."
Athy shook her head and said in serious voice that didn't match her cute face. "Your answer matters! I want your permission. You're my mo- Godmother afterall!"
Your heart stopped for a second. She almost said mom, didn't see?!
You cleared your throat. Maybe you heard wrong. It was probably result of your secret hope to be more than her godmother. Goddammit, get yourself together.
"Of course!" You patted her head fondly, smiling softly. "If it makes you happy, keep him. He seems to like you too. But you have to take great care of him, Athy."
"I will!" Athy beamed, nodding vigorously. Giggling, she spun with Raven in her arms. "Did you hear it, Raven!? You can stay! Yippee!!"
You were swept in her excitement when she launched herself in your arms with loud, gleeful 'thank yous'.
"Heh." You laughed and pinched her cheeks. She squealed, trying to dodge your hands but you kept her in hold and pressed your cheeks against her soft ones and rubbed vigorously with giddy smile.
Felix and Lily chuckled at the sidelines, eyes softened with affection. You grinned at them.
"Alright you two, enough." Lily said with a smile. "I brought you snacks. I'm sure you're hungry."
"Yes!" You and Athy shouted in sync.
When you went to eat your cake, the plate was empty. And Ether was sitting beside it, licking the crumbs.
"No!" You shouted in despair. "My cake!"
Athy went through the same despair as you. Raven had already eaten her share of cake.
"Meow." Ether innocently blinked, licking his claws. He jumped off the table, stomach full, walking to Raven and sat on him.
You blinked.
Raven let out a small whimper, otherwise stayed still. Ether made himself comfortable and closed his eyes.
"Ether!" You shouted, exasperated. "He's not mattress. Get off him!"
Ether let out growls and slid beside Raven and went back to sleep not before giving you stinky eyes. Raven stiffly sat, before he too leaned against Ether and fell asleep.
Athy cooed at the cuteness.
You sighed. "At least I know where he always disappeared off to with my snacks. He made a friend."
After playing all day with Raven, it was time bed since Athy was exhausted. Athy insisted to let Raven sleep with her. You didn't mind it though Lily was a bit reluctant.
Your eyes slid around Athy's room distracted, a empty glass in your hand. Athy had drank her milk and now Lily was singing lullaby to Athy.
You quietly listened, standing at sidelines. Lily tucked in when Athy's breathing deepened with her eyes closed.
"She's asleep." She siad softly. You nodded, eyes flickering to Athy. "You should go sleep too."
"Yeah, in a second. I've yet to give my goodnight kiss to her." You said. Lily nodded, taking the empty glass from you and wished you goodnight. You waited for her to leave. When the door clicked closed you sat on the bed at the edge.
"Athy. You can stop pretending to sleep."
You heard a quiet 'oops' before Athy slowly peeked her head out with sheepish look. Her jewelled eyes were glowing brilliantly in the dark.
"What's the matter? Why aren't you sleeping? Normally you'd fall asleep after Lily's lullaby." You said, keeping your voice low. Ether was nestled in your arms, sleeping soundly after chasing Raven around like a big bully. You gently set him beside sleeping Raven.
Athy sat up, pulling the sheet to her shoulders. Raven was softly snoring beside her. "I can't fall asleep."
"Did you eat sweets before going to bed?" You asked. You got your answer when a guilty look overcame her face. "No wonder."
You sighed and got your under the sheets. "Hmm. Let's see, what should we do? I can't sing lullaby."
"Why not?" Athy asked, leaning her head against your shoulder.
You laughed before stopping in fear of disturbing others. "Once I did try when you were a baby. You end up crying the whole night. After that I let Lily take ove that job."
Athy blushed before pouting. "I was a baby then. I won't cry now!"
"You sure." You said, poking her nose. "I do kind of suck at it though. And I might risk waking up the whole resident."
Athy sulked.
"How about I tell you about Diana? You might be curious about her after seeing her in your dreams." You said.
Athy was conflicted. She hesitated for a solid second, peering at you with strange expression. "...Can you?"
You raised a eyebrow at her strange behaviour. "Of course. I told before, it's only natural to be curious about your Mother." You paused before continuing with a much smaller voice. "And I want you to know just how great person your Mom was. She loved you a lot Athy, so I don't want to cut her off from your life. So remember her, okay?"
Athy silently stared at you. "Do you love Athy too?"
"Of course I do." You said, not really needing time to think over it, with a matter-of-fact voice. "Words would fail to describe the amount of love I have for you, Athy."
Athy's face immediately turned red, she seem to be at loss before a genuine smile brighten her face.
"Athy likes you lots and lots of too!"
A broad smile spread over your face as you let out a 'awww'
"Then I want to know about you too." Athy said, placing her head on your lap, wordlessly asking to be pampered. "Tell Athy about you and Mommy!"
You grinned broadly as you stroked her head and said, "I tell you how I met Diana. You'd laugh. It was so hilarious!"
You started before Athy could protest. You told her about all your shenanigans at the river, tree climbing, the letter exchanging. When you were finally done, Athy had long fallen asleep, exhausted. You kissed her forehead and carefully slid out of the bed. Ether was cuddling with Raven so you let him be.
***
You walked back to your room, hand on the door to push it open as you let out a big sleepy yawn.
Rubbing your eyes, you let yourself in. Your muscles loosened up, face losing its defiance fire and became more soft and unguarded when you felt the safety of your room. The privacy of your room always relaxed you. It was a place where you didn't have to put up any kind of strong act to please anyone or to keep them from worrying. You could just be yourself. Broken, messy unrefined as you were with no one to judge.
"You're finally here."
You let out a loud scream at the additional voice within the confines of your safe haven.
"Wha--?! Where?!" Your panicked mind shouted. "W-who?!"
It was too dark to see but you could make out a dark silhouette sitting on your bed. It fuelled your hysteria further.
Next thing happened so fast you had no time to process. A strong arm wrapped around your waist and pushed you against the door, pinning you there, while other hand came over your mouth to muffle your screams.
You clawed at the hand on your mouth before your hands were seized and were forced against your back.
Oh, bloody hell! A serial killer in my room!
No, wait I'm not in 20th century! There aren't serial killers so it's an...
A-assassin!
Reflexively you brought up your knee in instinctual defence. You underestimated the intruders fast reflexes because in a swift movement a leg was pressed between your legs, immobilizing you completely.
"Mphm!"
You struggled, but the iron grip kept you captive against the door and intruder's strong body.
Having no choice, you leaned back your head and slammed it forward, hard. It crashed against the intruder's nose and you heard a grunt giving a spilt second satisfaction but the grip remained unrelenting.
"Mphm!"
Fear settled in strongly, heart hammering. Desperate tears forming at the edges of your eyes as your magic flared up before it was suppressed by a stronger mana.
You were so close to crying from your powerlessness and helplessness when a familiar voice whispered in your ear.
"It's me."
Your fear melted away replaced by shock and bafflement.
The hand on your mouth was removed. The immobilizing grip on you finally relented as he pushed himself off.
You remained there frozen, breathing deeply as your fear and adrenaline came down. Your heart still beating rapidly.
"You look pale."
"You..! What the hell Claude?!" You exploded. "What were you thinking?! Was that some sort of terrible prank you pulled on me?! I almost had an heart failure!"
Claude stood a good distance away, rubbing his neck with a nonchalant expression. Good for him because you were so close to throwing the vase beside you.
"Scaring you wasn't my intention." Claude said, sounding unapologetic, almost amused. "You started screaming all of a sudden so I just reacted on impulse."
"I have a perfect reason to scream!" You stomped up to him with a scowl, aggressively poking his bare chest which as usual was on display. "What are you doing in my room, you creep?! Snooping around at this hour like a freaking pervert?!"
Claude silently stared, piercing eyes scanning you from head to toe. You became aware of the fact you were in your white night gown that reached below your knees. You tugged it down in self-conscious, even though you wore pajama pants underneath.
"What?! Why are you looking at me like that?!" You shouted, digging your finger more harshly when he continued to stare at you with no expression whatsoever, blinking slowly. "Speak up! Why are you in my room?!"
Claude grabbed your finger drilling a hole at his chest, his lips subtly twitching up in small smirk at your angry puffed up cheeks and blazing eyes, he said calmly, "I came here to see you."
Taken aback, you let out a simple, "Eh?"
"I.... thought over what you said." Claude couldn't meet your gaze, his eyes flickered all over the place, anywhere but you, as if he was ashamed to admit whatever he as going to say. It made you hold your breath as you listened. "It's been on my mind ever since you left the office. And I..just needed to see you again."
He unconsciously squeezed your finger, lips pressed together as he waited for your answer, gaze still wandering around almost if he was fearful that you would reject his presence.
Your mouth went dry, heart thumping loudly, rapidly as you let the meaning of his words sink in.
He came here in the dead of night to see you. Your heart skipped a beat, hands started sweating in nervousness.
"I... see." You said slowly, mind drawing blank as you struggled to get a word out. "Couldn't you wait till morning? It's midnight. You should be sleeping."
You almost smacked yourself. God, why am I sounding like a freaking mom?!
Claude stiffly shook his head once, his fingers tightening around yours. He finally found the strength to stare at you, his blue eyes wavering, lips thinned in straight line, face blank with no emotion.
"I... apologize if I scared you." Claude said, voice strained and forced through clenched teeth. "Don't... be upset with...me."
Your heart caved in, giving into to his terrible yet earnest apology. Claude subconsciously squeezed your finger again, fingers twitching anxiously when you remained silent for too long. You immediately felt terrible as if you kicked a wounded puppy who was whimpering back to remind of your evil deed.
"Alright!" You pulled your finger away, putting space inbetween you and him to breath properly. "Stay! I'm not going to stop you."
Claude let out a small sigh, stiffness melting away in relief.
You let out frustrated sounds. You hated your soft spot for him and it pissed you off that you couldn't stay pissed at him.
You stomp up to your bed and aggressively sat on it, pouting. Claude lingered on the spot, unsure before he followed suit and sat beside you.
You turn to him with a glare. "That still doesn't excuse your terrible prank. I'm telling you I almost had a panic attack! You really love to put me on edge of dying, before letting me back, huh?"
Claude opened his mouth to say something but you weren't finished with your angry, sleepy ranting. You were exhausted, you just wanted to collapse on the bed and sleep away your tiredness but no, he just had to show up at worst moment. You were hardly aware of what you were saying.
"First watching me almost drown in lake before saving me at last moment then this!" You threw your hands up, totally done with everything. "Should I worry about the future? Is my poor life going to be constant danger?!"
"I'm sorry..."
Your ranting halted, eyes widening as you gaped at him. Claude sighed roughly and ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at edges, a motion you noticed he did to calm his anxiousness.
"...That day I wasn't in the right mind."
"What do you mean by you weren't in right mind?" Your said, voice raising in anger and disbelief. "Athy almost died. I nearly drowned. You're saying you weren't in right mind? Are you seriously expecting me to believe--"
"I was under influence of black magic."
".... What?"
Claude closed his shut, clenching his teeth until his jaw ticked. His hand were fisted on his thighs, whit knuckled. His whole body locked up in some sort of turmoil, a conflict you could only helplessly watch from side. On reflex, you put your hand on his and squeezed his tensed hand gently, a gesture that seem to surprise Claude as his eyes shot open to gaze at you. Hell, even you were surprised at your bold move. You swallowed, keeping your hand on his that flinched for a second before relaxing.
Suddenly you were alerted of how close both of you were. You only had to lean to side a bit and you'd be touching his shoulder, his sides. Close enough to breath in each other's space and share the same air. You became painfully aware of his warmth just shy away from pressing against you. A sudden wave of self-consciousness washed over you.
"Claude? What black magic?" You said, licking your dry lips. Claude's gaze flickered on your lips before he looked away with a rough sigh.
You wanted to throttle him, shake and demand the answer of him. But you knew being pushy wasn't giving to help. Claude never reacted well with that. Afraid he'd shut down before answering you, you forced down your impatience and waited with baited breath, quenching the dark thoughts of worst scenarios.
After moment of strained silence, just the sound of both of your breathing filling the room, Claude exhaled.
You tensely watched, anticipation and dread twisting your guts. Mention of black magic was never good. You wanted to know what the hell Claude meant by earlier.
His expression hardened into cold, uncaring look, blue eyes hooded to suppress any emotions from surfacing and showing. When he spoke up, his voice was flat and ice cold.
"One week after Diana died," Claude paused, exhaling roughly. "I used black magic to erase my memories and emotions."
It was just one sentence that he spoke so flatly, with so much apathy, with so much insignificant value. But it was enough to fill your veins with ice, for you to turn pale in horror, for your heart to stop beating a terrible second Once your heart started again, each beat was thumping with fear, dread, shock and disbelief.
With so much emotions, it was complicated to name. Only thing you knew it was bad. Really, really bad.
You opened your several times, no word came out, only strangle choked words left your tight throat.
"The spell was in process to wipe out all my emotions and selective memories when I met you." Claude continued on, unaware of your inner meltdown. It wasn't for his hand quivering underneath yours, you would've eaten up his facade of indifferent calmness.
"The spell was successful in erasing most of my emotions. It made me apathetic and indifferent to everything and everyone. I stopped caring altogether. I just didn't care whether that child had lived or died that day. But," Claude turned to you, blue eyes piercing yours with intensity that knocked your breath out. "...that day when I saw you dive in to save that child, the spell cracked and a memory slipped in. And I end up saving both of you."
Your face was pale, drained of any colour. You were trembling all over, limbs quivering with icy horror. You were shell shocked, frozen and petrified. That was only thing keeping you from jumping and exploding on him.
Your lips parted with difficulty, voice cracking as you spoke, "W-why? Why did you do that?"
He had to know the side effects of black magic, right? How vile it was. So why?
Why did he do it? You wanted to know. You needed to know.