"Come on, you have to get up!" Louis says with his toothbrush in his mouth. "You have to pack, change and get down to the bus in literally fifteen minutes."
We had been awake for 45 minutes already. Louis got up, got dressed and even went over to his room to pack up his own stuff, which wasn't much, before coming back to shower and rush his teeth. He was all ready to get down to the bus, while I, during all that time stayed in bed.
"But it's so cold!" I whine, keeping the duvet over my body. "And that's your fault!"
Louis walks up to me, standing next next to me on the bed, looking down at my face. He keeps his eyes at my face as he grabs the duvet, pulling it off harshly. Immediately I feel the goosebumps crawling over my skin as the cold air in the room covers me.
He turns around and walks back into the bathroom to finish his teeth as I sit up on the bed. He had the AC running all night, making the room being extremely cold. It's freezing. He is right though, I need to hurry to get down there on time. I need to get dressed, pack up the mess I've spread around this room and I need to get myself down there.
I stand up from the bed, feeling the shivers running down my spine. I walk up to the suitcase, pulling out nearest hoodie, a random white one along with the Adidas sweatpants I borrowed from Louis once. He walks out as I pull them over my legs, he sits down on the bed behind me as I pull the t-shirt over my head, exchanging it with the hoodie, not even bothering a bra.
Quickly and stressed I gather all of my stuff spread around the suitcase, quickly folding it into the suitcase. Louis shows up at my side with all of my books along with my laptop. I take them from him with a thankful smile before packing it all into the suitcase. Before closing it I grab my toilet bag and walk into the bathroom.
I wet my toothbrush and start brushing my teeth, doing it as quick as I can. Mint spreading my mouth as I cover every tooth quickly before rinsing my mouth. I put the toothbrush back and grab my hairbrush, brushing through all of the knots in my hair before closing the toilet bag and bringing it back out to the suitcase, packing it back into the suitcase and closing it.
I get up on my feet, checking around me to see if I've forgotten anything before I go to put on my shoes. Louis stands up from the bed, he walks up to me in a peaceful pace.
"You said we're in a rush, so move it." I say, slipping my feet into my shoes.
"Well, we still have like... five minutes." He shrugs.
"Yeah, that we need to spend walking down and getting on the bus." I state, getting my suitcase from the floor.
Louis gets up to me, grabbing my arms and pulling me closer in. I furrow my eyebrows at him, feeling the stress build in my body. If I get late down there, my dad will first of all see me get on another bus, and he will also kick my ass for being late. I really don't want to get into more trouble with my dad during this tour.
He leans in, leaving a kiss to my lips. He pulls away, his hand moving up to my face, moving a piece of hair out of my face as he smiles lightly down at me. The moment was sweet, but I was getting more and more stressed.
"You know I'd like to stay here for a bit, but my dad will kick my ass!" I say, taking a step back from him.
"Maybe if you stopped being so scared of what he'd think all the time, we could stay here for just a few minutes." He says, putting his shoes on too.
"And piss off the rest of the crew as well? No." I shake my head.
We get out into the hallway and with quick steps I walk down the hallway with my suitcase rolling behind me. Louis walks behind me, slower, taking his time. I press the button to the lift, waiting impatiently for it to arrive and the door to open up. When it doesn't arrive quick enough I press the button a few more times.
The door eventually open and I hurry inside of the little room, pushing the button to the ground floor. Louis walks in and stands beside me, seeming highly unbothered. The stress doesn't see to get at him like it gets to me and in a way, that's annoying me so deeply.
When the door opens to the ground floors and I take my suitcase, almost jogging out from the lift, towards the door. I see my dad standing outside bus one where the rest of the band is probably waiting already. He looks up at me as I walk out of the door, noticing all the other buses had already left besides bus one and bus two, the bus the band is on and the bus my dad is on.
"You're late." He states, looking back down to the board he had in his hand, writing something down.
"I know, I'm sorry." I say, feeling almost out of breath along with the nervous feeling in my stomach. It's not the good kind of nervous. "Where's bus 4?" I ask.
"Told it to leave, since as far as I know you're always on bus one anyways." He says, looking up from the board, through his eyebrows.
"Yeah, Sophie is on-"
Louis walks out from the building and up to us standing on the side, grabbing my suitcase and walking up to put the bus, putting it into the baggage space. Dad looks up to him, raising his eyebrows, keeping his eyes on him until Louis turns back around towards us.
"You're late too, Tomlinson." He says, writing on his board again.
"Yeah, sorry." He says, "long night last night, overslept."
"Be on time, that's all I ask from you." He says, looking at Louis and then to me. "Get on the damn bus." He mutters through his teeth, looking at me with furrowed brows.
I nod quickly, turning around to walk on the bus, looking at the ground as I walk up to the door of the bus. Louis walking right behind me while I hear dad walking onto his own bus, parked right behind this one. I get on without looking over, feeling something n my stomach, knowing this is never going to end well.
Pressing the button, the door slides open to the lounge area where the others are sitting, turning their heads to us as we walk in. My first look was to Sophie, who looked at us, I noticed she was thinking something, her face looked questioning as we walked in together, late.
"Finally!" Niall exclaims.
"Yeah..." Sophie agrees, keeping eye contact with me as she furrows her brows at me, "Where were you?" she asks.
"I overslept." Louis says quickly.
"Lost my laptop, couldn't find it anywhere, so I had to look for it." I lie, walking into the area to sit down on the sofa.
"Lucky you got down at the same time." Harry says, doing the thing where he speaks without even looking up from his phone, "So we could leave, I mean." He says, now turning his head up to the both of us.
"Yeah, there's only one lift on the floor." Louis says, giving Harry a look before sitting down on the only seat left, across from me on the sofa. How are we going to spend four hours together?
I sit down next to Sophie, ignoring Harry completely. Sophie seems to have let it go, believing our excuse to why we showed up at the same time. Even though if they would have just looked out the damn window next to them, they could have seen Louis walking out slightly after me and it would have looked like we actually didn't walk here together.
The bus started rolling and the only thing that I could think about was what my did might be thinking right now. I was late, and that might not be the biggest deal, but he already thinks Louis and I did something, before we actually did, and I can't let him know about me and Louis ever. The look he gave Louis when he put my suitcase away for me said enough. The tone he had when telling me to get on the bus. Of course he's mad, I just wonder what he's going to do about it.
Hopefully, he has sort of a good day, or at least a good time on the bus over to Dallas. Maybe when he's on there he has a nice talk with someone and can let me off with a snarky comment and a mean look. If not, he could be doing a lot more yelling. I'll just hope for the second option.
We all watched some cartoons on the TV. Someone had put it on with a random channel playing and we all just kept watching. Conversations going around every now and then, when not we all stayed silent just tiredly watching the cartoons. Niall fell asleep against the table, Harry was on his phone and I just watched the TV screen while thinking about what to say to my dad. I need to stand up to him eventually, so I was trying to think of something to say if he actually starts yelling.
I tried my best to get my mind on something else but everything led back to my dad yelling at me. I tried to think about Louis, the fun we had yesterday and what a good day it was, but then I remembered my dad can't know about it and if he did he would use every synonym for slut. He has already yelled at me for some articles that weren't even true at the time, I don't need it again.
Then I tried to think about school, trying to make a mental checklist of what I have to do. That led to remembering that I suck at handing things in on time and if dad found out about that he would get mad about that instead. Whatever I tried to think about, it led back to my dad yelling and it was stressing me out.
The aching in my stomach got even worse when the bus suddenly stopped. We looked out the window and noticed we were already in Dallas. The four hours had passed quicker than i wanted them to.
Everyone got up from their seats, gathering everything they wanted to bring from the bus. Looking out the window I saw my dad waiting for all the buses to get there and to get everyone inside like he usually does. Before walking out I tried to look at his facial expressions trying to figure out whether or not he was in a good mood or if he was going to take all his anger out on me.
We all got out, I kept my eyes on my dad, still trying to read him. He gave me a quick look as he checked us all off the list he had on his board. Other than that he didn't even look my way, nor did he say anything.
Louis came up to my side with my big suitcase, handing it over to me. He never helps me with the bags so I guess he was doing this solely to annoy my dad since he realized earlier it got to him. I gave Louis a look but didn't say anything before walking into the lobby, Louis following closely behind me.
I ignored him despite him being so close, knowing he's only doing this because of his deep disliking of my dad. He doesn't seem to understand what will happen if he pisses my dad off. Everything between quitting, sending me home, sending me away to a place that is not home or anything he can to punish me. I guess Louis doesn't see it as such a big deal, but I know what my dad is capable of doing.
We walk up to the reception and I think that maybe, if I'm lucky, dad is just gonna give me the silent treatment. He hasn't said anything yet so maybe I'm good to go.
"Avery!" I hear my dads voice behind me. So much for that.
When I turn around his face is tense, he waves me over and I sigh. Giving the suitcase over for Louis to hold, I walk towards my dad who is standing not that far away from us. He gives a quick look around the room before I get up to him.
"Yes?" I ask. He takes a hold of my upper arm, pulling me a bit further to the side.
"What are you doing? what is going on with you?" He whispers aggressively through his teeth.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"I don't want to see you late ever again, and what the hell do you think people will think when you show up with Louis like that? you being that close when there's already rumors going around?" he keeps his voice low but stern when he talks as he keeps his hand on my arm.
"I won't be late, dad, and we aren't even that close I-"
"Aren't that close?!" He says louder, making the people standing closest to us turn their heads a little.
"Dad, come on can you-" I try to get him to calm down since we're around people who are questioning what's happening.
"No! Do you understand how this is damaging for my career? you're making me think I wasn't wrong about the articles after all." He says, keeping a tighter grip on my arm, making it ache in pain.
"It's not like that!" I object, "those articles were lying, I wouldn't do something like that!" I say, knowing it's a complete lie and I've already done more to disappoint him during this tour than I ever thought I could.
"I don't know what to believe when it comes to you!" he says, shaking his head. I turn around the room making sure no one can hear us, I notice Louis looking over at us with his arms crossed over his chest. "As far as I know you can actually be the slut they talk about in the papers!" He hisses.
"I'm not!" I try to pull my arm out of his grip but he keeps it steady, holding on tighter until it almost feels numb.
"All that you've done here is act like a slut, starting rumors about you and this guy who I told you to stay away from! You're always disobeying, making me look stupid while you run around ruining everything you touch!" He says, still keeping a low voice but I can see he wants nothing but to yell at me.
"Dad you are hurting me." I say, trying again to pull out of his grip.
"Are you going to stop acting like you're the only one this family consists of or not?!" he says angrily.
"That's your daughter you're talking to." Louis says, showing up beside us. My dad quickly letting go of my arm before turning to Louis.
"Excuse me?" Dad asks, furrowing his brows while putting his hands in his pockets.
"You can't say shit like that to your own daughter." Louis says, standing beside me turned to my father.
"This is none of your business, Tomlinson." Dad says, calmer than before. I can tell it's an act to pretend like there was never an argument.
"It became my business when you started calling my friend a slut." He says, not backing down. He says it confidentially, like he's not scared of my dad. Oh, how I wish I could do that.
"You heard wrong, kid." Dad shakes his head.
"Yeah, right." Louis chuckles, "I just wanna know whose dad can stand there and call their daughter a slut."
"Louis." I say, putting a hand on his arm trying to push him away, knowing it will just casue more damage if he keeps talking.
If Louis keeps defending me like this, my dad will just believe it even more and he will freak out even more. Louis is currently giving my dad more reasons to yell at me, calling me a slut. He won't believe me when I say it's nothing because of all Louis is doing right now.
"No!" He says, pulling his arm away, staying where he is right across from my dad. "How do you let him talk to you like that?"
"You misheard." Dad says sternly, "Right, Avery?" he says, now turning to me, giving me a look.
"Yes, Louis." I nod, seeing how his face drops, like he can't believe what I'm saying. "You heard wrong." I avoid his gaze.
"Fine." He says with a quick nod, taking a step back. "Whatever." He says before walking away.
"Go." My dad says, not even looking at me. "I don't want to look at you right now."
Without saying another word I turn around, walking away from my dad. Him telling me to leave is never a good sign and he will probably do something later on. Either he will yell at me later or he will punish me in some other way, silent treatment or he will just get me off this tour. I guess now I have to wait it out.
I walk up to my suitcase where Louis is waiting. I grab it and walk towards the reception to get my key to the room, not saying anything to Louis. Quickly I check in, getting my key. Louis does the same and he shows up by the lift right on time as the doors open and everyone waiting walks in. We press the floor we're staying on and wait in silence for the lift to arrive.
In my mind I keep thinking of the conversation I just had with the both of them. Louis had no right to get involved, knowing how my relationship with my dad is. He promised he wouldn't get involved and pretend like he never knew anything about it, but he decided to step over the line to my dad, and now he has caused me so much more problems.
The door sliding open to the floor, everyone stepping out and walking towards their rooms. The rest of the band along with Sophie had already left and gone into their rooms. Louis stayed by my side, walking with me along the hallways until we reached my door. Until the others around us were gone he pretended to keep walking to his room while I tried to get the door open and bring my suitcase inside.
When I tried to close the door, Louis pushed it back open, stepping inside the room. I just sighed, rolling my eyes as we both get comfortable around the room. I put my suitcase by the wall taking my shoes off by the door, hanging my jacket on the hook next to the door while Louis sits down on the bed like nothing has happened.
I don't say anything, I just keep finding things to do. Putting my toiletries in the bathroom, my books and my laptop on the table. Not giving Louis as close as a look.
"We need to leave in an hour." Louis says.
"Mhm." I say quietly, avoiding looking at him.
"Are you angry with me?" He asks.
I sigh, looking up from the books I just stacked on the table. I look at the wall in front of me, trying to calm myself down. But yeah, I am angry with him. He promised me he wouldn't get involved and he still did. All morning he has been trying to piss off my dad, ignoring the fact that I will take the hit for it.
"You said you wouldn't get involved." I murmur, looking down to the book in my hands again.
"I couldn't just stand there when he called you those things, blaming you for bullshit!" he says, sitting up straight on the bed.
"Well aren't you a hero?" I ask sarcastically, turning to him. "I get that you dislike my dad, but you promised me you wouldn't get involved."
"I stood up for you about something I heard!" Louis raises his voice, "Anyone would've done that if they heard the conversation!"
"I don't care, Louis! You promised me and you decided to be petty instead!" I yell, feeling the frustration take over. "Since this morning you've been doing all these little things to annoy my dad because you know it will get to him. You dislike him so you do anything to annoy him, even though I'm the one who's gonna take the damn fall for it!"
It was so obvious that Louis did that out of spite. He put the suitcase in the bus because he knew my dad would notice, he helped me with it out and like the cherry on top he had to step into our conversation. Of course my dad will think I'm lying to him when Louis is doing things that totally contradicts what I'm saying. I keep telling him it's nothing and Louis just has to do these things he has never done before just to piss my dad off.
"You need to stand up for yourself! you can't let your dad talk to you like that!" He says, standing up from the bed.
"I can handle it, I've been doing it my entire life!" I yell even though I know better than to yell at Louis. At this moment I just can't hold back, I'm too disappointed and frustrated to stand here and let him get off easy because he can't handle it.
"And you wanna keep being treated like shit? you're just gonna let him for the rest of your entire life? because trust me he's not gonna stop!" He yells as he starts gesturing. This is where he gets angry. He gets defensive when someone criticizes him, and he doesn't know what to do with those feelings so he's taking them out in anger.
If I keep baby him about it forever he is going to think it's okay to yell at me and get worked up because I will always be the one to back down to prevent him from getting an anger outburst. They said to be clear on boundaries and right now I seem to not be. He needs to understand that anything between me and my dad is none of his business, he has to leave it alone. He hasn't had a proper rage outburst in a while, and no matter how much I want to prevent it, I can't let him get away with anything just because I'm too scared to handle him when he gets them.
"You have no idea what it's like, Louis!" I yell a lot louder than I intended to. When the words have left my mouth my eyes widen at the volume of it. I can't look at Louis so I look down at the floor in front of me. "So when I tell you I can handle it I need you to trust me that I can." I say, a lot quieter but still feeling my voice shake a little.
"You're clearly not handling it when you let him treat you like that, that scumbag walks around acting like you're his property rather than his family!" He says with the same loud voice as he had before.
"That's my dad you're talking about." I mutter, walking over to my suitcase to get some more books to put on the table.
"Well, he's a terrible father so why do you even care?" He exclaims taking a step away from the bed he was standing by. I walk up to the table putting the other books down on the table with a big thud, turning to look up to him.
"Because he is my dad and he is my family." I say, louder and more stern.
"Who cares that he's family when he's treating you like something only meant to make him look good? He is the one treating you shitty, why do you take your anger out on me?" He asks as he shows up in front of me.
"You're not listening!" I shake my head, looking up at him. "It's not about how my dad treats me, it's about you not being able to stay out of it!"
"I don't understand how you expect me to just let it happen right in front of my eyes!" He says, his voice getting even louder while his arm gestures towards the door.
"Why can't you listen to a single thing I say?!" I yell but it's almost like a chuckle, "I told you I can handle it and you don't trust me! Tell me how it is I'm always supposed to trust you but you can't put an ounce of trust in me about anything!"
"You've never stood up to your dad, someone has to do it!" He says, his face going more and more tense. He's clenching his jaw and a crease is forming between his eyebrows.
"See what I mean?" I ask, walking away from him, not wanting to be too close to him if he gets angry. I don't think he is going to hit me or anything, I just know his yelling is easier to deal with at a distance. "You don't trust me enough to handle my own father, after you promised me to leave it alone!"
"I was trying to help you!" He is yelling now.
"I know! But you've only caused me more problems, now he will yell at me for lying to him, bringing up the articles and saying that I'm ruining his reputation again after I've been so careful about him not thinking that there's anything between us! He will think the articles were true and I will be in more trouble than I was the first time!" I say back, loud enough for him to listen to me but still not yelling.
"I'll come with you when you go to talk to him!" He says, gesturing to the door again.
I keep looking at him as I sigh. He doesn't seem to understand what the problem is here, and he's not listening to me when I try to tell him that he can't help me with this because it's the both of us that are the issue. We can't do anything about my dad together without screwing things up for us even further. Me as an individual that's the problem to my dad, it's me and Louis together.
My shoulders fall as I look at Louis with my head tilted, thinking of the best way to make him understand. When I don't say anything Louis walks quickly up to me, he grabs my wrist, pulling it as he starts to move towards the door, pulling me with him. Harshly, I get my wrist from his grip.
"No, Louis!" I say, walking back into the room, "We'd make it worse!"
"Then what do you suggest we do?!" He yells back into the room before walking up to me standing at the end of the bed.
"We are not gonna do anything, you are going to leave it alone and I am going to take care of it." I say, looking into his eyes to make sure he is listening to what I'm saying.
"Why won't you just let me help you?" He asks, the frustration breaking through his voice.
"Because you can't!" I say, feeling frustrated when it's like talking to a wall. He just won't listen to me. Once again I walk away from him so he won't have me cornered. "God! I'm not helpless, I can handle shit myself you don't have to treat me like a child like literally everyone else!" I ramble, feeling a bit out of breath when I stop to look at him, "That's all I ask from you, Louis. Don't treat me like everyone else do."
"I'm not treating you like a child, I'm offering to help you like you would to anyone!" He says, just as frustrated and loud as before. He hasn't calmed down a bit.
"And I already told you I don't need your help, I can handle it!" I say.
"Okay I'll just give up trying to protect you, Harvey will be real happy about that I bet!" He chuckles but I still hear the anger in his tone.
"That's not what I said, Louis, please try to understand!" I plead for him to actually try to get it into his head what I'm actually trying to say. "I need you, I do, but I can't take your help when it comes to dad! It will only make things worse, don't you get it?"
"Clearly you don't need me since you always try to get out of it! Always you pick something to whine about, never ever can I just help you and you'll be thankful for it, it's always something that's not suiting for you!" He starts to yell more aggressively with his eyebrows furrowed as he gestures around with his arms.
"Please, Lou, try to calm down and we can talk about it calmly!" I raise my voice so he can hear me. I felt an aching in my chest from his words that caused my voice to even shake a bit when I spoke.
"Oh, do I scare you know? Maybe that's the reason you don't want my help?" He chuckles as a sadistic grin goes up his face.
This is just reminding me of all the other times where he would get sudden rage outbursts and yell all these empty threats at me. Over and over he would get mad for stupid reasons and start yelling, pushing me up against walls and trapping me in rooms with him.
"Don't do that." I say quickly, shaking my head. "You don't get to do that."
"Do what, sweetheart?" He fakes a pout, "I don't get to ask you what the hell makes you so damn grudging to me?!" he shouts.
"No, you don't get to go back to how you used to be when we argued, always trying to scare me into doing anything you want." I say loud and clear, trying my best to sound confident and not to yell.
"You were the one who chose to stay, Avery." He says, shaking his head slightly.
"Just because I chose to stay with you, does not mean I will let you treat me however you want just because we disagree about something." I shake my head back, keeping eye contact with him as I do so.
"You know what?" He says, calmer, looking down at the floor, "I'm done trying to help you, you're on your own." He shrugs, looking towards the door before heading towards it.
Quickly I run up to stop him before he gets to the door. I step in front of him, putting my hands on his chest to hold him back. He doesn't acknowledge me, just looks over my head while trying to walk around me. I keep moving in front of him until he looks down with angry eyes.
"Please," I plead, looking up at him with my hands still on his chest, "Can you stay so we can talk about it instead, don't leave angry." I say, looking between his eyes that are looking down at me with darkness behind them. He was really angry and his heart was beating harshly in his chest.
"Fine." He grunts through his teeth before backing into the room to sit down on the bed, leaning forward with his arms propping him up from his knees.
Even though I was the one who should be angry with him, hell I am the one angry with him, I don't want him to leave. He's taking this all wrong and we're not getting anywhere but he keeps putting words in my mouth and twisting my words.
Of course he can't control it, it's all his BPD. I just don't want to end this with him walking out being mad even though he would probably come back.
I don't like fighting with him. I have this aching in my stomach and I just want this all to be over. I can't fold now even though I want to. He need to understand why he can't get int he middle of me and my dads fighting or he will just mess things up. My dad will get even more mad at me and eventually he'll send me away from here.
"Louis." I say quietly, so he looks up at me where I stand in front of him. "I do appreciate you trying to help, I do, okay? But-"
"But you're to scared of your dad to let me?" He asks, still with the same pissed tone in his voice.
"Yes!" I exclaim, "You don't know what it's like fighting my dad, he'll send me away from this tour damn it!"
"But that's what you want, right?" He asks, narrowing his eyes, "Get away from all of this and me with all this shit I got you into?"
I sigh at his words, closing my eyes, "No, Louis, stop putting words in my mouth. I've never said that I want to get away from you!"
"No? because that's all it seems like lately!" He says, sitting up straight, keeping his eyes at me with his eyes held close together.
"Well, it's not like that!" I object, putting my arms crossed over my chest.
"Then tell me what it's like, Avery!" He snapped loudly, shooting up again.
"I'm trying, but you're not giving me a chance! You're not listening!" I ventured to raise my voice a little.
"You're so scared that your dad is going to find out because he don't wanna share you, he sees you as property, don't he? you and your mother so now that she's gone, you've taken her place, ain't that so?" He taunts, walking closer to me as I back to not be so close to him.
I feel my face drop at every word leaving his mouth, feeling the aching in my chest burn deeper. He knows how much this hurts me. He's bringing up my mum just to hurt me. It's hard not take it too seriously, he has his diagnosis, he doesn't know what he's saying. But every words make my blood boil.
"Louis." I warn, not too loudly as I feel the wall hit my back.
Here we go again...
He takes a quick step closer, seeing he has trapped against the wall. His hands slam on each side of my face. Usually I flinch when he does that, but this time it was calculated, I knew it was going to happen, it didn't scare me.
"He can't boss her around anymore so he uses you to do it instead, you're kept at home, you're going for the same career as your mother, god I'd even guess you two have the same hair... same eyes..." He says quietly, looking into my eyes, his hand moving to my hair, moving a strand behind my ear. Quickly I slap it away from my face, clenching my jaw. "I told you this before, if you don't do anything you'll end up just like her, he's the kind of guy who has to be in charge of everything and everyone. When he feels in loss of control he has to do something. He hit your mother because she was sick of obeying to him, right?" He says, looking emotionless into my eyes.
My bottom lip is shaking slightly as I fight the tears from welling my eyes. I don't understand how he, of all people, could say that about my mother. He knows exactly what he's doing to me, bringing up my mother, especially like this. He's doing to me, exactly what my dad did to her, doesn't he see that?
"Louis." I say again, my voice breaking, trying to get him to stop.
"If you don't get out of there he will do exactly what he did to her, you'll be stuck in his abuse until you see no way out and you'll wind up hang-"
"Louis!" I yell, not wanting to hear the ending of that sentence. I already feel my legs shaking and the tears starting to fight their way to my eyes. "If that's the case then you are no better than him, you're both sadistic, psychotic, control freaks!" I yell into his face.
My arms go quickly up to his chest, I use all my power to push him away from me as hard as possible. His body jolts back and I get out from his grip, hurrying over to the other side of the bed, not knowing how he will react after that.
He looks up to me, eyes widened a bit like he wasn't grasping what was going on. He looked over to me standing between the bed and the wall. My jaw is clenched along with my hands that I try to prevent from shaking. I can't get my lips from going down into a frown as I struggle to keep my breathing calm.
Louis had asked me to trust him, just as I started to give in, he used the shit I've told him against me. I told him thinking he could maybe understand, turns out he just wanted something he could use in case of arguments like this happening, getting what he wants.
"Shit." He murmurs under his breath, "I can't believe I said that."
"Well you did!" I say, my voice shaking but still yelling in rage.
"Avery, I'm-"
"Get out." I say, looking right into his eyes. Louis's face falls as he looks at me from across the room. "I can't believe that you, out of all people, just said that to get what you want." I say, my voice breaking as I struggle to get the words out.
"In all honesty, me neither." He murmurs, looking up to me, using those puppy eyes I always fall for. Quickly I look away, down to the neatly bedded sheets in front of me. "Avery-"
"I said get out!" I shout, closing my eyes so tears start running down my cheeks.
"Please, don't make me leave, I'm sorry I don't even-" He begged.
"Louis." I stop him, still not looking at him standing across from me in the room filled with my things I just unpacked. "I told you to get the fuck out!" I yell again, even louder.
I grab the sheets, pulling them off the bed so I can access the pillows. I grab the first one and throws it across the bed, towards him. When it misses I get the next one pulling it off the bud to throw it at him. He catches it and lets it fall to the floor.
"I don't want to leave, please don't make me go!" he says, frustration breaking through but not in an angry manner this time.
He looks over at me with pleading eyes. He took a few steps closer to him but I quickly grabbed the small alarm clock from the nightstand throwing it at him. He brings his arms up to protect him from the flying object, it bounces off his arm and down to the floor where it breaks. My breaths are irregular as the tears run down my cheeks even though I'm still attempting to keep them in.
Without a word to him I walk up to meet him. My hands grab his arms, turning him around before pushing him towards the door. I don't want to look at him right now. He asked me to trust him, which I did enough to tell him things like these, never did I think he would bring up my dead mother just to hurt me. I don't think anyone would go that far. It's not that long ago I told him how I lost her and he was this quick to bring it up.
My body was shaking, my breath was hitched, my mind felt foggy and all I wanted to do was take my anger out physically. I wanted to punch him, kick him, anything to hurt him physically. Instead I pushed him as hard as I can towards the door, he was still in his shoes and he had not yet fetched his backpack.
I felt him fighting against it, begging me to let him stay. Hearing him plead made the burning ache in my chest get even worse but I ignored it. I couldn't look at him and I didn't want to be close to him until I've calmed down.
I open the door, revealing the hallway again. I step aside from it, "Out."
Louis remains in the room, getting up in front of me. He takes a step so he's closer to me. He looks down to me and I meet his eyes with through my glossy, red eyes. I sniffle as I try to contain myself to at least get himself out first.
His chest is inches from mine, I look down to avoid his gaze. His hand meets my cheek, pushing my face up to look at him, his other hand following to my other cheek. When meeting his pleading look I pull out of his hands, grabbing his wrists to get him away.
"No, Louis, stop." I warned, keeping his hands away from my face. "I'm not saying goodbye, I'm saying we'll talk later because I can't deal with this right now." I say, pushing him through the door before quickly closing the door behind him.
"Avery, I'm sorry!" I hear through the door, a tear slipping as I lean my back to the door. "I didn't know what I was saying I never meant to say that! Please let me in, please don't make me leave!"
"We will talk later Louis! Go to soundcheck!" I reply, my voice barely holding on from how badly I wanted to cry.
"I can't leave you here!" He whined.
"I'll be fine, I'll stay in here until you're back!" I responded.
"Promise me," he says, I stay quiet trying to catch my breath for a second, "Avery promise me you'll be safe!"
"I promise, go!" I yell back, listening closely to hear him walk away. I hear him sigh, maybe sniffle before his steps fade down the hall.
When I'm sure he's gone I put the chain on the door and walk away from it, into the room where the broken clock was on the floor along with two of the pillows. I left them there as I went to the untouched side of the bed to sit down.
I silently cried with my hand over my mouth. My stomach was aching as I thought of what Louis had said. Of course he didn't mean it, he probably wasn't even thinking of what left his lips at that point. It was all most likely a result of his borderline taking over. It still did hurt, as I never ever thought anyone would be cruel enough to use something like that against me.
Me and Louis have grown so much closer just lately, we've had all this fun and the excitement of sneaking around when the others can't see us. Everything has been so great up until now. We've had disagreements, but he's never used personal things to hurt me, let alone my mother. He talked about my dead mother like it was nothing, like it would be a punishment for me to be like her. It sounded like he was going to shame me for wanting to get into the medical field like her, and the way he talked about my resemblance to her like it was something bad.
I'm not going to stop what we're doing because of it, I don't think I can. I have too much understanding in why he said it to just end it right now. Of course I can't keep doing this with him if every time we argue he uses things like that against me, but like I said, we need to be clear with our boundaries.
Borderline people are kind of like toddlers, you need to be straight with setting boundaries and they need constant reassurance. Thinking about it, I don't know why I think I can handle something like that.
My body moved up to the pillow, laying my head on it and crawling under the duvet. I intend to stay here, I don't have the energy or focus to do any studying after this. It was absolutely draining. Seeing Louis like that, begging to stay. For a moment I started thinking it was wrong of me to kick him out since he might start feeling like I'm giving up on him, leaving him. But I need to think about myself too, we need to be able to be apart after something like this. I need to process what happened.
The worst thing is that I started to believe he might have been right. What if my dad starts to actually treat me like he treated mum? What if he actually is what Louis made him out to be. In my eyes he always was the man that would never hurt me. I saw him hurt my mum but I was his daughter, of course he wouldn't do anything to hurt me, right?
I clutched the duvet and pulled it up to my face, drying my tears with it. I took my phone out of my pocket and opened up the camera album. At the back I still have the pictures with my mum. Pictures either dad or my aunt had taken. There were pictures of us in Croatia, at home, her walking me my first day in school. My favorite picture was the one where I was in my way too big school uniform, my hair in braids and my backpack hanging from my shoulders. I was hugging my mum so tight because I didn't want her to leave. I was so scared of the other kids and I was too shy to talk to them.
When school was over, mum was always waiting outside the school, standing by the gates ready to take me home. She told me later she would usually get there twenty minutes early to make sure she was there when I got out, even if they let us go early. She'd tell me the look on my face when I saw her was priceless and she wouldn't want to miss it. Sometimes, when mum had to work when I got out of school, aunt Lilian would pick me up. Of course I'd still get happy about it, but it wasn't mommy.
Aunt Lilian would take me for ice cream, she would take me to the movies, to the park. When I got older she would take me shopping, she would ask me abut boys and promise not to tell my mum. We would get our nails done and try on shoes we would never buy.
I miss having her around, I don't think I've seen her since my mothers funeral.
Scrolling through the pictures, the tears ran out and bittersweet smiles covered my face as I looked trough all the pictures I had on my phone. As I got older the pictures got further and further apart, it's like the older you get you don't want to be in any pictures, so the parents stop trying.
The older I got, the more pictures I had with my friends rather than my family. There were pictures of me, Hanna and Alicia. Birthday parties, Halloween together when we went trick or treating, all of our first days of school. We had pictures that none of our parents had taken too, from parties we attended. Pictures from the first time we met Michael, him and Hanna were inseparable after that. I had a picture that Hanna had taken of me and Luke once, he had his arm around my shoulder and I remember the feeling of butterflies when he did it.
Life was somewhat easier then and I wish I could go back. Back home to my friends when my mum was always home waiting for me to get back so she could go to sleep. Sneaking out again as soon as I knew she had fallen asleep. Being able to meet friends and just to have my mother back.
I don't know how my life got to this point.
I got sick of reminiscing a time impossible to get back so I shut the phone off, sitting up to the still pretty messy room. My face felt stiffly from the dried tears. The sun had started to go down, leaving the sky in an almost red colour.
My suitcase was pretty much a mess, but I gathered some clothes and took them with me into the bathroom, turning on the shower to let the water heat up. I felt like a total mess and I needed to shower it all off of me. I got undressed and stepped into the hot water falling, wetting my skin and my hair. My upper arm had a slight bruising, it was red with small purple marks around it from the hold my dad had held.
I took my time washing my hair, using conditioner and actually keeping it in for a while to let it really sit. I washed off my body and decided to just stand there for a while, letting the water run along my body.
Eventually I found the strength to get out of the shower. I wrapped the towel around me and twisted one up into my hair. I dried my body off really quickly, getting dressed again before letting my hair out. I looked at it in the mirror, how it fell and went all the way down to my belly button. It does look like my mothers, and I guess that's why she liked it so much. My resemblance to her and aunt Lilian was strong.
I move my hair behind my shoulders, putting my fingers on my hair right by my collarbone, trying to imagine what it would look like if I had it shorter. I dug through my toiletries until I found the scissor. I looked at it before slowly putting it to where I held my fingers, hesitant to actually do it. I take a deep breath, looking at my hair in between the blades. I'm so focused that I flinch when a loud knock is heard on my door.
I put the scissor down on the counter, taking a step back from it. The person knocks again, I guess they're impatient. I guess I kind of hoped it would be Louis coming back from the show, ready to talk and get over this, because I felt my face dropping in disappointment when I opened the door to see Niall and Harry outside.
Without saying a single word they push the door open, pushing past me to get into the room that was a mess. I was confused, not understanding why they were even here. Not even closing the door I watched them walk into the room, right up to my suitcase on the floor, digging through it. Harry tossing pieces of clothing over to Niall who lays them out on the bed.
"What is going on?!" I ask, my mouth open in shock.
"Close the door, will ya?" Niall says, nodding to the open door. I do as he says, closing the door before walking into the room, up to them making even more of a mess in here.
"What are you doing?" I ask, Harry who's digging through every inch of my suitcase.
"What did the clock do to you?" Niall asks, pointing to the broken clock on the floor.
"Jackpot!" Harry stated, I turn my head to see him holding up the green satin dress I had hidden in my suitcase. He throws it at me before standing up next to Niall.
"No!" I exclaim, "Will you tell me what you're doing here?" I ask, throwing the dress onto the bed.
"Well, we kinda felt bad for grilling you last night..." Niall shrugs.
"So, we're taking you out to make up for it, all of it, totally our treat." Harry continues. "Get dressed!" He takes the dress from the bed, throwing it back at me.
"No, I can't wear this." I shake my head, looking at them both still feeling confused. Why the hell would I go out with them? Is it only gonna be them? Are the others gonna be there too?
"Why not?" Niall asks.
"I don't have any shoes other than my vans, they don't match." I state.
"I'll take care of it," Niall says, walking back towards the door, "Harry, you make sure she gets ready."
"Yes, sir!" Harry says, grabbing my shoulders, leading me back into the bathroom, pushing me in there and closing the door behind me. "Get changed!" he orders through the door.
"I never said I want to go out with you two!" I object.
"Well, too bad! I promise you'll have a great time." He says, almost chuckles.
Shaking my head, I agree to it. I take my shirt off along with my sweatpants, unzipping the dress before stepping into it to pull it up my body. The spaghetti straps are placed on my shoulders and I try to get the zipper back up behind my back. I try but just can't get it up the last part.
"Harry!" I yell, he opens the door but doesn't look inside, "I need your help with the zipper." I state.
He shows up into the room and I move my hair out of the way for him to pull it up the last way. He grabs the fabric at the end of the zipper and brings it up all the way to the top before stepping away from me. I look into the mirror in front of me. The dress is indeed a bit short, like I imagined it would be after all this time I haven't worn it. At least it covered my ass enough. The fabric was hanging at the front and the necklace Louis gave me was hanging onto my collarbones. My hair was still wet, but it would take too long to dry it.
Niall crashed through the door with a pair of heels in his hands. He gave them to me before looking me up and down with a little smirk.
"Looking good, pumpkin" He says until Harry gives him a quick side-eye which causes Niall to quickly look away. I held the black stiletto heels out in front of me, they were a size too big, but I've heard that's good.
"Aren't these Sophie's?" I ask, looking at Niall.
"She won't know they're missing." He shrugs, disappearing out of the bathroom. I put them on the counter with a shake of my head, grabbing my mascara to quickly add a few layers of it before we have to leave.
I bring the shoes out to the room and put them down on the floor, stepping in them, feeling the lack of support and balance I got from just standing in them. I haven't walked in heels since forever, I really need to get used to it again. They fit okay and they looked okay with the dress.
"You ready to go?" Niall asks excitedly.
"Sure." I nod, barely believing I let myself agree to this. "Are the others downstairs?" I ask.
"It's just the three of us." Harry says, stepping out the door. Oh god, Louis is going to freak out when I'm not here, I better just hope they already told him.
All the way to the lift I try to get the whole walking thing in. I try to keep my balance and walk in a way that is not making me look like I'm walking on ice skates. I need to look like I do this regularly. How does Sophie do this all the time?
We walk together into the lift, Harry and Niall both keeping smiles on their faces, meaning they are probably excited about this. It felt almost mischievous, I bet no one knows they're taking me with them, so either it's to piss Louis off, or they're going to mess with me. I rather have them mess with Louis than with me right now, though.
We walk through the lobby, my heels making those noises against the floor that just sounds rich. I felt so fancy when they made those noises. Niall hurried in front of me, opening the door for me so I could walk out onto the street. A black car is waiting for us there, Harry hurries up to it, opening the car door for me to get in. I give him a quick nod and a smile as a thank you before getting into the middle seat. Niall walks around to get on my left side while Harry slides into my right side.
The car drives us into the city. Harry handing me a clear cup with a brown-ish liquid in it topped off with some ice and a straw. I take it from him, looking at him to tell me what is in it.
"Redbull vodka, mixed well enough to not have you die on our watch!" He says over the music playing loudly.
I put the straw in my mouth, sipping some of the drink into my mouth. It tastes a lot like redbull and not that much of vodka. It was actually really good. It didn't give a burning feeling down your throat when you drank it and you didn't squint your entire face together from the taste of it.
Taking sip after sip I watched Harry and Niall on each side of me singing along to the music playing. They stuck with taking shots while I had my own drink. We were taken into the city of Dallas and the car pulled off to let us off in front of one of the clubs with bright flashing neon light signs. Harry got out and held the door open for me to get out of while Niall got out on his side and walked us up to the door where the big bouncer just nodded at us as we walked inside.
There was a dark hallway where the sound was a bit muffled. Niall led us as Harry walked behind me until we got to the end of the hallway where the light was switching between red, blue and purple and music was blaring through the speakers. The dance floor below us was crowded with people, all around the room there were tables you could sit, there was a bar in the middle, shaped like a horse shoe. Behind the horse shoe was secluded platform that Niall started leading us to.
As we walked our way there both Niall and Harry greeted people left and right, waving and yelling 'How you been?' over the room. When we got to the VIP section the guard let us in. There was a smaller bar here for the people who were seated in this section. Harry grabbed my arm and took me with him to the bar.
"Two redbull vodkas for her and four vodka shots for me!" He says to the bartender who nods with a smile. Niall walks over to some table to talk to the people he seems to know. "This section is only for the famous, rich ass people, okay? you behave, alright?" He says, looking around the platform we were on. I nod before taking a look around myself, watching the people sitting around the tables.
"Oh my god, is that Jensen Ackles?" I ask quietly to Harry with big eyes as I nod his way, Niall shows up behind me, putting an arm around my shoulders, "He's from Dallas, isn't he?" I ask looking at his blonde hair on my side.
"No idea." Niall shakes his head, unbothered as he signs something to the bartender behind the bar.
"Who?" Harry furrows his brows.
"You haven't seen days of our lives? Dawson's creek? Supernatural?" I ask, raising my brows at them both.
"Nope, why? should I have?" Harry asks as the bartender puts two glasses of redbull vodka in front of me before pouring four shots of vodka to each of the guys. They slam a few dollars on the bar as they take the first of their four shots.
"Yes! You should have!" I exclaim.
"Well, then we're definitely not going to." Niall says, smirking. He still has his arm around my shoulders as he takes shot after shot without giving so much of a sour face from it. Watching them I sip on my drink, trying to take bigger sips to catch up with them.
When Harry is on his last shot he offers it to me. I look at it for a moment before taking it from him, putting it to my lips and downing the liquid. This time it leaves a warm feeling down my throat and I squint my eyes together from the absolute horrible taste. It's absolutely disgusting. Harry sees it and laughs at my reaction. I go back to my drink, trying to get the taste away with that instead.
"Horan, is that you?!" We hear from behind us, Niall looks over his shoulder and is quick to walk away, leaving us by the bar to go talk to whoever noticed him. I go back to taking sips of my drink, trying to get the first one down as quick as I possibly can.
"So, Niall found out huh?" Harry ask, turning to me, leaning his arm on the bar.
"Yep." I reply shortly, taking the last sip of the drink to then change to the second.
"He was pretty off today, mad at everyone and on stage he wasn't much better," Harry shared, keeping his eyes on me. I look up to meet his eyes, "Louis, I mean."
"Why is that?" I ask, looking away from his eyes, putting the glass down.
"I was thinking you could tell me." He says, tilting his head a little. I sigh and shake my head before looking up to face him again.
"We got into an argument and I couldn't be around him so I kicked him out, it was probably stupid since he has his..." I stop before finishing the sentence.
"Yeah, no, I get what you mean" He nods, "He freaks when he feels criticized."
"I read bout his diagnosis, I know he freaks when he feels like someone is gonna leave him or anything like that." I explain, thinking he probably hasn't been through the leaving part.
"Scared of abandonment, right?" Harry asks and I nod a little. "What I wanna know is what you have on him." He says, looking into my eyes with his emerald ones, giving me a serious gaze. I feel insecure when he looks at me like that.
"What?" I ask, my face dropping in confusion.
"How the hell do you make Louis get so close to you? We both know he's got abandonment issues and all that, but he knows it too which is why you don't see him put himself in a position where he might have to go through all that." Harry acknowledged.
"I-I'm sorry I don't have anything on him I don't know what you mean." I say quickly, not wanting to get questioned by Harry when I thought all we were gonna do was go out.
"I'm messing with you," Harry chuckles, "It's just interesting to see what you did to him."
"Well, hate to be the one leaving if he can't get it together soon." I sigh, taking a few more sips of my drink.
"Avery," He says, catching my attention again, "No one feels worse about his behavior than he does, trust me, whatever he did or said I can bet you he's been beating himself up over it since you kicked him out."
He is right, I know Louis felt bad the moment he realized what he had said. Of course I'm going to forgive him later, I know he feels bad. He is trying to get better, I know that. I take the straw out of the drink and put it to my lips, downing the drink in a few big gulps. This time I have to cough from all the vodka building up in my mouth all at the same time.
"Let's go dance." I say, grabbing Harry's arm and pulling him back out of the VIP section. He follows me without objecting. We step off the platform and hear Niall yelling after us before running up to us, following us off it and out to the dance floor filled with people.
We move into the middle of the crowded place. Before we start to dance, Harry lifts his shirt to pull out a flask from his belt. He unscrews the cap and takes a quick sip before handing it to me. I take the black flask and put it to my lips, letting the unknown liquid pour into my mouth before I swallow. I feel the taste of tequila on my tongue this time, equally as disgusting as the vodka shot I had before. I hand it back to him and he hands it on to Niall who also drinks from it.
The music stops for a second until the well known melody of kids by MGMT starts playing. Niall and Harry both look at each other as the song starts playing. They turn their heads to me and I look to them with a confused face. Before I know it they have their arms around my shoulders, moving my arms up to be around their shoulders. They stand up straight so my feet just barely reach the floor as they loudly scream along to the song.
They move and jump around while singing, making me just being dragged around by them, struggling to keep my heels to stay on my feet as they almost carry me around. I feel the alcohol kicking in as they almost throw me around, hanging between them. I can't help but laugh as I try to sing along with them.
The song ended and they let me down. I felt dizzy and they were almost sweaty, keeping big smiles on their face as they were laughing. The songs went on, but now they had set the mood for us all, we were all filled with adrenaline, keeping on dancing and singing to every song as the alcohol pumped through our veins making us dizzy, sweaty and stupid.
We kept on like that until I felt my feet starting to hurt. I stopped and started pushing myself out of the crowd. It was difficult when everything around me seemed to be spinning. The music was loud and it made it harder to concentrate. I thought I was going to fall multiple times.
I got to the side of the room, Harry and Niall were quick to come after me. I kicked the shoes off and it felt like such a relief to be out of them.
"Wanna call it a night?" Niall slurs with a chuckle.
"I wanna talk to Lou." I mutter through the fog in my mind.
"Okay, help me get her out of here." Harry snickers to Niall as they both move my arms around their shoulders. Harry leans down to grab my shoes before helping Niall to carry my through all the moving, sweaty bodies until we reach the exit.
The car is waiting and Niall opens the door so they can both help me in. I giggle as they nearly hit my head as they struggle to get me onto the seat. They both get in and Harry hands me my shoes so I can keep them in my lap for when we get back.
Niall and Harry bring out another bottle of vodka as the driver starts taking us back to the hotel. They pour two shot glasses of vodka and shoot them down their throats. I pout at Harry since he didn't give me one. He notices and shakes his head.
"You've had to much." He says.
"Have not!" I argue.
"Only one!" Niall says, holding a finger up in front of me, I grab the finger and pull it down to my lap instead of him having it in my face.
"Only one." I nod. Harry gives me a look but pours a little into a third shot glass as he also fills the other two again.
He hands me the one with less in it and Niall one of the others. I take the little I got, still feeling the disgusting taste on my tongue, but being able to live with it this time. Harry and Niall take theirs. Niall opens the windows and throws his shot glass through it before grabbing mine and throwing that out as well.
"No! I liked it!" I whine, turning to see the cup had already disappeared in the traffic behind us. Niall and Harry just laughs and ignores it.
The impressions of the city around me is a lot more than they were before. The lights shine brighter, noises are louder and still somehow I still feel like my face is completely numb and expressionless.
We get to the hotel, Harry and Niall both helping me out, carrying me until we're in the lobby where they put me down so my soles meet the cold marble floor. It's silent and the lobby is nearly empty, on poor guy still there. I carry my shoes, walking behind Harry and Niall who are singing loudly in front of me.
"I drink 'til it's empty, stay out 'til it's late, I wake in midday and marry my bed, I kiss all the women, get punched in the head!" They sing in choir so it echos around the big lobby with an extremely high ceiling.
"Oh no." Niall says suddenly, stopping abruptly. I look at his back, not seeing what's in front of him. Both him and Harry swiftly turns around and starts running the other way. I turn around to watch them run away before turning back around.
Louis is standing right in front of me, looking at me seriously before looking over my head to see Niall and Harry running away from him. I look up at his face that I haven't really seen much of all day. It looks nice.
"Hi babe." I say with a smile that's growing on my face.
"babe?" He looks down at me with furrowed brows, "How damn wasted are you?" He asks, grabbing my chin, my cheeks being mushed together.
"Pretty god damn wasted." I nod into his hand, my words slurring together from him holding my cheeks.
"I can fucking see that." He says, letting go of my face, starting to walk towards the lifts. I grab his hand and hold it as I follow him, he looks down at it and then up to me. As we walk through the lobby he doesn't say anything, but as soon was we get into the lift, "Do you know how fucking worried I was?" He exclaims, letting go of my hand to let it run over his face.
"Why?" I ask, leaning against the wall for support as I tried to not giggle, as he didn't seem like he'd appreciate it.
"You didn't answer your phone, your room was trashed, you weren't there, not with Sophie," he rambles, looking at the door in front of him rather than at me. "You know I thought they had fucking gotten to you, Avery."
"I thought Niall and Harry told you we were going." I tilt my head to the side, furrowing my brows.
"No, they didn't tell me jack shit." He spits, "tried calling him to track your phone and he was gone too, had to put two and two together." he mutters.
The doors fly open on the fifth floor, where Niall and Harry are standing. They drunkenly walks into the lift and lean against one of the walls. They look to Louis with tired eyes.
"Can you please beat our asses later, we can't run from you here and the stairs were exhausting!" Niall pants. Louis shakes his head and looks down at the floor. The lift stay silent until we reach our floor, the boys welling out from the small space and start to jog down the hall.
"Knock it off!" Louis yells after them, "I'm not gonna do anything, even though I wish to punch both of your faces into your sculls."
"Thank you!" They yell, slowing down to walk the last bit to their rooms.
I start to walk slow and unsteadily towards my room, but Louis grabs my wrist pulling me back around. He puts his arms on my upper arms and looks down at me with what I'd guess is sorry eyes, but the alcohol still made everything spin, so I can never be too sure.
"Avery, please you have to listen to me," He starts, he talks quietly. His arms steadying on my arms as I stumble a bit. "Please, I'm sorry."
"I know." I nod, trying to maintain eye contact but struggling a bit, "Can we talk about this in our room instead, I gotta sit down." I slur, pointing over my shoulder. Louis's mouth goes up into such a small smile that you could barely see it, but I did.
"Yeah, Yeah, come on." He nods, helping me to walk over there. He keeps my arms around him, carrying me to the door where he just uses some machine I've never seen before and the light goes green.
He didn't even use my card?
The room is now lit up by lights, but the room was still very much a mess from everything I had thrown at Louis along with my clothes that the boys had thrown around to find this dress. I let the shoes fall to the ground as Louis lets go of me. I stumble over to the bed where I fall down, feeling the spinning going faster and faster.
"I want you to stay." I whisper through the dizziness occurring even with my eyes closed.
"What?" Louis asks from somewhere in the room.
"I need you to stay, Louis." I say, louder this time.
I don't get a response, the room is quiet besides the roaring in my ear that I'm not sure where it came from. I feel two hands firmly grabbing my wrists, pulling me up to a sitting position. I open my eyes to see Louis knelling down in front of me, keeping his hands around my wrists.
"You're drunk." He states.
"Uh, yeah, I know." I roll my eyes at him, that's kind of obvious by now.
"Yes, so you shouldn't make decisions now, okay?" He says, looking up into my eyes. "You can be how angry you want with me, but don't make decisions when you're this wasted."
"I'm not mad," I shake my head, "Well, maybe a little bit mad but I still want you to stay."
"I understand if you need the space, Avery it's totally-"
"Lou, I want you to stay, I know you're sorry and I want you to stay so can you just stay?" I whine. I don't want to have this discussion right now, I'm drunk and I'm tired, why can't he just trust that I want him here and go to bed withe me?
Louis just looks up at me with the same puppy eyes he had before. He stands up, putting his hands on my cheeks the same way I stopped him from earlier today. He leans down and I turn my head up to meet his lips. It's barely been a day, but it was exhausting being without him when we were on bad terms.
"Are you sure?" He asks.
"Yes! Can you just get undressed and get into bed!" I whine, pushing him away from me so I can stand up, "Oh, not like that." I correct myself. "And first, help me with the damn zipper!"
"Alright babe, calm down." He chuckles, before helping me up to help with the zipper in the back.
//
I think I had at least 12 heart attacks when I saw Louis's haircut at the festival. I love this era so much I might cry on the spot.
Anyways, I was dying but didn't have covid at least so yay me
Take careeeee
-El<3