What a mess!
Your footsteps were hasty, almost panicked. Your mind running miles to find solution to the sudden, unexpected hurdle.
Athy was supposed to meet Claude at the age of 9 so why did it happened so early?!
You knew the answer. Nothing was same as your first life. The flow of the first timeline had changed drastically the moment you met Claude when he was kid.
Everything had taken a different route than before.
And yet you feared that despite the change, the tragedy could still repeat. Despite creating a different timeline you were afraid the end would be the same.
Now wonder you were so desperate to run away from Claude. To change Athanasia's predestined death. To change your own fate.
You could discard Claude's threat and escape. But something the way he said with utter conviction made you rethink. He sounded dead serious and ready to drag you back to him even if you ran continents away.
That left you no choice but to stay and wait for perfect opportunity to flee. That too seem impossible.
Claude's unpredictability was dangerous. You didn't want to think of consequences if he caught you escaping.
You didn't want to lose Athy.
You didn't want to die by hands of Claude.
But with the way things were that didn't seem too far way from becoming real.
God, you cornered with no way out. Agitation and frustration swelled and you had to take deep breaths to calm yourself down.
"Y/n)?"
The familiar voice broke you out of your downward spiralling thoughts.
Felix stopped before you, brows creased with worry. "Is something troubling you?" Felix threw a cautious look behind and the worry in his eyes deepened. "Did meeting with his majesty didn't go well?"
You let out a dry laugh. "Yes yes, we all know just how terrifying smooth each meeting with Claude goes."
Felix awkwardly smiled at your sarcasm and patted your head fondly. "Please don't be upset with His Majesty. He might not show it but he's rejoiced to have you back. It's just that he doesn't know how to express it."
"Rejoiced?" You huffed. "That dude was glaring at me with cold eyes the whole time. He even threatened me! You call that him being happy?"
Felix coughed, before speaking. "He's never good at expressing his emotions, and you know it better than anyone. Afterall you stood beside him through all his hardships. If someone can understand him, it's you. Right?"
You paused mouth going dry and you looked away. "I don't know what kind of God- level impression you've of me Felix. I'm not a mind reader. I can't understand your Emperor, let alone his feelings."
Felix wasn't deterred by your words instead he said with conviction. "But you can understand Claude. The Emperor might be someone you don't know but your friend Claude is someone you know and understand, right?" There was a meaningful look on his face as he smiled at you.
You bit inside of your cheek, contemplating his words.
Did you know Claude? Sure you spent a lot of your childhood with him. But he's been so closed off, so guarded that it impossible for anyone to peek in within the steel walls Claude kept surrounded himself with.
When you finally made a small crack in it, got a glimpse of real him, you were ripped away from him and he turned so cold, so distant.
It was stretching the rope thin to think that you know Claude. He was a mystery then and he remained mystery now.
He was a convoluted puzzle you only hoped to solve one day.
But after the impulsive stunt you pull back then, running away on that night. Everything you built up came crashing down, crumbling into nothing but dust because of the truth that was kept hidden.
A possible reality you despised so much.
Looking at Felix's smiling face sudden guilt overwhelmed you.
"Why aren't you mad, Felix?"
Felix tilted his head, blinking in confusion.
"Why aren't you angry with me? I left without a word." You said, desperation laced your tone. "I selfishly ran away leaving everyone hanging. Disappeared on you with no explanation. You should be mad at me!"
Those words came from the guilt and regrets you had accumulated through the years. The brash, impulsive action kept haunting you.
How could have you ran away from everyone who cared about you despite knowing the grieving you'd cause them?
Felix's smile slipped off. He stared at you with unnatural seriousness that didn't suit his usual soft smiling face.
Your guilt intensified. Your blinked hard as your eyes burnt with need to shed tears.
"That's right, Felix you shouldn't be smiling at me. I.. I caused you so much pain. That assuming you weren't relieved to have me out of your hair 'cause I'm annoying, according to that jerk..." Sniffling, you cracked up a teary smile. Despite the seriousness of the situation you couldn't help the tease.
"(Y/n)."
Your straighten up at his grave tone. You ready yourself to face the resentment, the bitterness you caused.
Felix chuckled, good-heartedly. He placed his hand on your head, affectionately stroking "Is that what was bothering you? Don't trouble yourself with it because I'm not mad at you. I was quite grief stricken when I found you were dead but I'm happy to have you back safe and sound."
You looked up in disbelief. Felix's face was devoid of anger or bitterness you expected.
"I think I understand why you left."
Your eyes widened. The lump in your throat grew bigger and it was difficult to breath. Does he know..?
"It was your dream, wasn't it?" Your frowned and Felix smiled at your confusion, kindness warming his features. "Traveling the world was your dream, wasn't it? Plus, your hate for the royalty and nobles was bound to drive you away from us. It was only matter of time you left us to pursue your dreams. It happened just as His Majesty predicted."
"He what?" You blinked at his last words.
"His majesty would be mad at me if he found I told you this." A cheeky smile curled up his lips, his expression lighting up mischievously as if he was about to share a big secret. "But it was His Majesty who told me this. It was causal musing, of course. A absent-minded thought he accidentally shared with me. He had feared you would leave us, and it always distressed him despite him not showing it to you."
Your looked at him skeptical and mumbled under your breath. "Really? Doesn't sound like him.."
Even though you were doubtful, your heart involuntarily skipped a beat. The thought that Claude was worrying for you was perplexing and unbelievable. And yet. You scolded yourself for feeling so warm. It seem your lingering feeling for Claude was deeper than you anticipated.
Felix nodded. "However neither I nor his majesty expected to part ways like that. With you faking your death and running away without saying goodbye. It did hurt me. It definitely hurt his majesty but we understood your reason." Felix grimaced. "That night what you saw, you weren't suppose to witness it. The rebel was so sudden we didn't had time to warn you or evacuate you to safe place. So we are partially responsible too. You must have been so scared. I really apologise, (Y/n)."
Your head hung low in shame and guilt. You shook your head. It wasn't his fault. Felix was just doing his duty towards the throne as a knight. How could you even fault him for that?
"I'm sorry. You have nothing to apologise for. It was me. It's all on me. Maybe if I had stayed things would have been different. But it's too late to regret it, isn't it?" You said in hushed voice, apologising was the only thing you could do to repent.
Felix chuckled again, his warm big hand still stroking your head. A warm smile formed on his lips. "It's alright. It was past, let's forget it and start new. Now that you have returned we have lots of time to reconnect."
Your cheeks flushed at the tenderness of his voice and kindness in his eyes. It's been a while since you felt so safe, so comforted. The weight of guilt and regret lifted from your shoulder and made you sag in lightness.
You were happy to come clean with the situation, even though you weren't completely honest with him.
"Sure." You finally smiled. "I'd love to talk to you but I should get going. Everyone in Ruby palace must be worried especially Lily and Athy. They must be thinking I'm dead or something. Can't blame them even I thought I was going to die!" You laughed.
Felix was silent. You stared at him in confusion. Oops! You shouldn't have said that about Claude. Felix's loyalty lied with Claude. Of course he'd be upset.
You scratched your cheeks and smiled apologetically, "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean to upset--"
"His majesty would never hurt you, (Y/n)." Felix said firmly with serious expression. "You're someone really special to him, someone he cherishes a lot."
Felix's words continued to ring in your ear long after Felix left giving you a meaningful smile.
****
The moment you entered Ruby palace you were bombarded with questions.
Lily was relieved to see you unharmed. She aske you bunch of questions. She was afraid, with your eccentric personality, you might've offended the Emperor. Her worries weren't wrong.
You had quite the mouth on you but before things could get bad for you the meeting was cut short. Thank God for that.
"(Y/n)!"
Tiny hands wrapped around your waist and warm, soft body was pressed against you.
You chuckled and stroked Athy's head as she nuzzled herself against you.
"Aww, were you worried for your Godmother?" You cooed, picking up Athy.
Athy hesitated for a second before nodding, "Papa is scary! Athy thought he would hurt you."
"My adorable Athy," You bonked her nose making her scrunch up her face cutely. "it would take more than a scary person to hurt me. Don't underestimate your Godmother. I can kick butts!"
Athy giggled, strained. "(Y/n) is so cool!"
"So is my brave little Athy!" You spun her around making her squeal and cling to you.
Lily worriedly called out. "Be careful!"
"You worry too much Lily. Here, let me help you!"
Your eyes twinkled as you looked at her. Lily paled slightly, stepping back but before she could run you grabbed her and spun her along, dipping at the last moment.
"So, Lily were you saying something?" You asked sweetly, still keeping her in dipping position with your arms around her waist. Athy was clutching your back like a koala, giggling.
"You," Lily flushed and frowned at you. "How can you be so...so troublesome!"
You smirked devilishly. "You haven't seen troublesome yet Lily."
Lily scrambled back as you pulled away from her, Athy instill giggling on your back.
"Lily's face is red!" Athy giggled and Lily's face flushed even more.
"It's time for High Highness to take nap." Lily declared, reverting back to her Mother hen mode.
Athy pouted. She looked at you pleadingly. "Will you tell me your adventures stories?"
You gave in, weak to her puppy eyes.
Two tales after Athy fell asleep. You stayed by her side, stroking her hair. Until you deem it was safe to leave.
You wanted time to think. You had lot of stuff on your mind. You plopped on your bed with heavy sigh
Your mind wandered back to Felix's words. You knew Felix was close to Claude and was the only one person who might understand Claude little bit.
You chewed on your lips. So was Felix right? Did Claude really cared for you more than you think?
A small hope flickered alive in your heart.
Could it really be that the ending won't be same. That Claude wouldn't end up killing you or Athy?
"I changed the whole timeline. Does that mean this Claude won't be same as that Claude..."
You murmured, falling back on the bed. You didn't want to have false hope. Hope that could end up destroying you like before.
But you couldn't stop your heart from beating in longing and hope.
You blankly stared at the ceiling, reflecting back to your meeting with Claude.
He was so emotionless. So detached. As if he had severed any connection to the world and couldn't careless about anything.
His eyes..the light in them had extinguished. There was no emotion in them, just endless pit of darkness. As if depth of ocean with no bottom, filled with only icy water.
Your heart throbbed, feeling it clench in pain.
You groaned, turning to your side. "Dammit! Stupid heart..."
Tears continued to pool in your eyes the more you thought of Claude and the empty vacancy in his blue eyes
Your hurriedly wiped your eyes. Goddammit! Why were feeling so much sympathy for him? Why couldn't your heart stop wavering for him? Just what was wrong with you.
Hard as you tried, you couldn't get rid of thoughts of him rest of the night.