Jimin
Yoongi has been in the ICU for two weeks now.
And Nox is being driven out of her mind. She's cancelled all of this week's massage appointments because she insists on wanting to take care of Yoongi's needs while he's staying at the hospital. Yoongi even tried to convince her on multiple occasions that there's no need for her to neglect her work just to come here because she has to take care of herself and Axel, but she was having none of it.
Besides, she wanted to distract him from his mother's antics because from the looks of it, Mrs. Min and Yoongi can't bear being in the same room without bringing up past unfortunate memories that would automatically stress him out. I have no clue what has happened to him in the past, but judging at the way Nox reacts each time either of them brings it up, it seems as though she's responsible for some of his decisions. Maybe I'm reading too much into the situation and she's just uncomfortable listening to both of them fighting.
Nox on the other hand, looks drained. I haven't seen her much these past few days back at the apartment since she's so busy running back and forth between her apartment, her job at the patisserie and the hospital. She hasn't taken a single break and the tiredness and the exhaustion is evident on her face. The warm blush on her cheeks has faded and dark circles are hanging under her eyes. Her voice is faint or at best forced to sound somewhat energetic when in reality all she really wants to do is sleep.
At least Axel has been taking care of things back at the apartment and manages around while Nox is busy and I noticed that he prepares her meals and washes her laundry. I'm glad to see that she's not completely alone.
I also made sure to drop by her apartment every morning to leave her favorite Almond Latte on the stairs with some avocado toast. I noticed she lost weight because of all the stress to the point that she's skipping meals or she's just eating leftovers.
She has been visiting Yoongi every day, making sure he has everything he needs within reach and keeps him company, while I am unable to visit him as often as I please since I have a lot on my plate because of college.
And Evelyn.
I have been checking in on Evelyn and I've dropped by her apartment several times throughout the week. I offered to help her fix the storage room so that she can start looking for a roommate, but she insisted on wanting to be alone in order to get back on her feet. Her mental health was deteriorating for the longest time and whether she likes it or not she has to return back to therapy otherwise she might go off the rails again.
But the thing is, it's not my place anymore to intervene.
She didn't trust to tell me about her illness when we were together, so I'm not responsible for any of this. It's the cold hard truth.
I don't have to do anything.
And if I'm being honest, I don't want to.
I'm already tired from all of the things that have happened so far. Too many things happened at the same time and too much is changing; I can barely keep up with any of it. Of course, what I'm currently going through doesn't come close to what Evelyn and Yoongi have endured so far, so why am I feeling uneasy?
Ever since the accident, there's been this uncomfortable ache in my chest and I find it hard to breathe at times. Sometimes I find myself forgetting how to breathe as I'm spacing out in the middle of a lecture or a conversation and that leads in me rushing to a less crowded space where I can finally cling onto a wall and just inhale. I forget to breathe for several minutes at a time and that's when my head starts to hurt. My lungs feel clogged, urging me to breathe in, just to provide them the air they've been deprived while I'm getting lost in a whole other world that consists of endless thoughts bombarding my mind all at the same time. I find it so hard to focus on completing a task and I hate it when I'm out of control like this.
It feels like I'm holding back a scream that I've never unleashed and the way my body resists its desire to just let it all out, is by indulging in complete, utter silence. I can't talk and besides, I have no one I can speak to. I guess the only people I'd actually talk to are Evelyn, but I can't do that anymore.
Taehyung is one of the people I trust the most, but he's very busy lately with his new tutoring job so I don't want to bother him. Dylan is dealing with his own issues, while Sam... honestly, even though Sam is one of my closest friends, it's hard for me to talk to him. He's always been the lighthearted one of the group, I guess you could say that he's like the glue that keeps us together, but I can tell that when he's hanging out with me he's trying to prevent himself from saying what's really in his mind. It's frustrating when you can tell apart the lies from the truth. But what's worse, is that Sam lies to me, by telling the truth.
And then by evading the subject altogether.
I'm currently making breakfast food for dinner, since I don't have the energy to actually cook myself something other than ramen, so I settle on making a bagel sandwich. All of the foods I've been consuming these days, came directly from the box, so it's nice to make something homemade for a change. After toasting the good old bagel, I stuff a fried egg and some bacon slices that stick to the melted cheese. I add some spinach, two slices of tomato and caramelized onions that to my surprise; I didn't burn to bits. Then I squirt a little bit of barbecue sauce and quickly regret it a few seconds later, but I go with it.
I pour myself some orange juice and plop down on the chair, unable to contain myself from digging into my masterpiece of a bagel when the sound of the bell ringing makes me shift uncomfortably on my seat. My blood boils at the thought that someone dared to interrupt me from having a decent meal, but I head to the door regardless and once I open it, color me surprised when the person I see is someone I haven't seen in months.
Ever since Evelyn and I broke up.
"Hey, darlin did you miss me?" Cassie says with a gentle smile.
My annoyance and hunger dissipate immediately as soon as I catch a glimpse of her playfully dark brown curly hair, bright eyes, freckled brown skin and luminous smile. She looks different since the last time I saw her; more lively, colorful even. Her wild spirals are dyed a lighter brown towards the edges and her thankfully her figure looks fuller now. She gained weight at all the right places and she looks stunning.
"Cassie, you're back," I beam.
Ever since her boyfriend of five years had passed away, it took a giant toll on her and she stopped eating and functioning like a human being. Cassie could barely focus on her studies and she failed all her subjects that particular semester. Her anxiety was getting out of hand, to the point that she was forced to take the entire year off. Her mental health started deteriorating and there wasn't much I could do until the funeral started. Evelyn and I had our own problems too during around that time and we had one of our biggest fights because I would try to be around her as much as possible, trying to make sure that she wouldn't go off the rails and hurt herself.
That's when she decided to leave Sunleth and go to Wyoming, and more specifically to Jackson Hole, at her boyfriend's hometown where they had the funeral and I couldn't even be there for her, because of the shit Evelyn and I were going through.
I still feel guilty for neglecting my friend the moment she needed me the most.
But now, seeing her in front of my door like this... I can barely contain my excitement when I reach out for her and give her the tightest, most smothering hug she can handle. We spin around gleefully when she giggles in my arms. She's wearing high heels and that makes her slightly taller than me and as we spin and spin like laughing idiots in the hallway, we almost hit the wall on the elevator and she accidentally steps on my foot.
I wince out of pain and curse inwardly when she laughs at the way my face looks. "Oh my God I'm so sorry!" She says sweetly and then pulls me in for another hug before ruffling up my hair. "Is your foot, okay?"
"Shit, I can't believe it." I say. "When did you come back? You didn't call or text."
"Aw, you waited for me to call so that you can clean a bit?" She says teasingly, gesturing into my messy apartment.
"Wait, how do you know where I live?" I ask as I lead her inside.
"I asked Taehyung for your address since someone is too busy to ask if I'm alive or dead." She pouts.
"Sorry for that." I have the tendency to disappear off the face of the earth when shit hits the fan. I haven't called Cassie ever since I moved out.
Jesus.
"Never mind that, I want to see your new apartment." She says. "Oh, what's that smell? Is that your famous bagel?"
"Yeah, I was going to have dinner now." I tell her.
"Having breakfast for dinner?" She muses. "I want some too. Make me one please?"
"You want pancakes too?" I ask, since I'm good at making them.
"Fuck yes," Cassie squeals picking up a shirt from the couch and tossing it over to the recliner like the place belongs to herself. "I haven't eaten anything all day."
"How come?"
"I arrived today."
"Shit," I mutter as I bring out some eggs. "You could have called. I'd pick you up."
"I know you're busy." She yawns a little. "Didn't want to bother you. Only wanted to surprise visit you because I missed you so much."
"I missed you too Lex."
"Little birdy told me you broke up with a certain someone when I left." Lexi gets off the couch, kicks off her shoes and enters the kitchen when she starts washing her hands. She then sits on the counter with her back leaning against the fridge. "How have you been dealing?" She inquires. "Didn't want to ask you on the phone because this shit is deep and all."
I laugh at the way she put it. "I'm dealing just fine Cassie." I say with a thin smile. I grab a skillet and since the stove has already been heated, I place it on it and toss in a piece of butter on it. After gathering flour, eggs and all the dairy products I need, I begin making the pancake mix. Before I grab the whisk, Lexi reaches it first and offers to whisk the mix for me.
"Is that so?" She asks and soon enough gets sidetracked when she sees the bananas in the fruit bowl on the table. "Cut some bananas and do you have any chocolate chips?"
"I only have a chocolate bar. A half-eaten one."
"That'll do."
I cut the banana in pieces and bring out the chocolate bar from the fridge and smash it to pieces with my fist.
"Wow, that's some great fury I see there. Bet you're imagining that chocolate bar is our beloved Lyn." She remarks. "You sure you're dealing just fine darlin? I know you loved her, even though I wondered what you possibly saw in her."
"Just some shit that happened not a while ago is messing with me." I tell her flatly. I'm not sure if I want to talk about Yoongi and Evelyn's accident with her though.
"Well, if it's fucking you up so bad, then talk about it."
"It's kind of dark and you just got here Cassie... want to talk about it later?" I say suggestively.
She doesn't have to listen to me.
I was barely there for her.
It's not fair for her to be supportive towards me.
Not when I abandoned her.
"You mean at night when we hide under pillow forts and we turn on flashlights to break the pitch black in order to see monsters hiding under our beds?" Cassie sneers, whisking the pancake mix harsher than before. "Grow up Jimin." When she sees that I don't talk she puts it down and looks at me. "You know you can talk to me about anything right? I know you feel guilty."
"What?"
"Yeah," she half-laughs. "It was written all over your face the second I walked through that door. And I know you didn't call on purpose. I know you feel shitty because you couldn't come with me at James' funeral and even when I was at my worst while staying here. But I didn't blame you Jimin. Not once."
I stare at her in awe, not knowing what to say.
"It's okay, you had your own troubles back here too." She says with a small smile. "I had my own shit to deal with and you had your battles to win."
"Cassie..." How can she be this understanding?
"Now tell me what kind of hell I've missed while I was gone."