ATTENTION!! Annyeong Kpop Stans! This story is rewritten in a new plot. I revised everything for the sake of you guys. No more loopholes! So I suggest not to see the comment section because almost everything is not accurate for the parts anymore. Anyway, Thank you for reading my work!
I do appreciate your reads and votes! :)
C H A P T E R O N E
Sehun's
"Sehun... Please-"
"I-'m sorry. I can't do this-"
She held my arms. Her hands that surround my skin felt rough because of the storm.
"Sehun, you can't do this to me! This is your child!"
"H-Haeun... I'm sorry. Just leave."
I don't know why I push her away.
I knew how much pain I'm causing her at this moment. The tears that pour over her cheeks... I don't want that. I want brush it away with my own hands.
She look devastated and I hate myself for doing this.
"Sehun!"
"H-Haeun, I can't."
Although I tried harder to hold her hands, Slowly it just slips away from my touch. I called for her name once more but darkness occurs and it gradually ate her away from my sight.
I quickly aroused from my sleep.
Silently gasping for air, I look around my bedroom and realize that it was just another dream for the night... No. It was always the same dream.
The scenarios were always identical. She would appear, we would exchange the exact words, and darkness would keep me away from her. It wouldn't even give me enough answers to fix my messed-up senses and it's making me impatient.
"Tsk!"
Although I felt I was struggling to get up because of my exhausted limbs from performing last night's stage, I push myself and went to the bathroom.
I know as soon as I obtain those dreams, It will be hard for me to get back to sleep again. Just like any other night.
My eyes move to the mirror. I saw myself sweating like I was getting chase and needed to escape from somewhere.
"Fuck."
Sighing, I wash my face and relief using the towel.
These past few days, I don't know why she kept coming across my dreams. I did all my best to move on from the past. Yet when I thought I was doing fine for myself, Things would toss around my face like reality.
I've been slaughtering my body with dance practices and massive concerts to get extremely overworked, in that way it would help me rest peacefully at night. But then again, She was always there.
She's somewhere around my head and I couldn't get rid of it.
Walking out of the bathroom, I got a glance of the clock that says three in the morning from my side table.
It made me sigh.
My groupmates are surely drowsed to bed during this hour and here I am... Struggling to get a good one.
I step out of my room, mindless of my surrounding.
My hand slowly massaging my neck as amble my steps to the kitchen. But to my surprise, Suho is in the living room all by himself. He's watching some random foreign shows again.
"You just woke up or you haven't sleep yet?"
I didn't mind his question and went straight to the kitchen.
I grab a bottle of beer from the fridge and went back to him after.
"Hey. Not acknowledging my concerning question is rude, you know?" He tosses popcorn into his mouth.
"I just woke up. Satisfied?"
I settled to the single couch next to him and started engulfing my beer.
"No. You look like a walking zombie, Sehun. It's pretty obvious that you haven't been sleeping right these past few days."
"I'm alright. You don't have to worry."
I heard him sighed but I didn't peek.
I already memorize what kind of enthusiasm could've been written on his face.
He has always been the one seeing me like this ever since and I got used to it.
"You can't just tell me not to. As your hyung, I'm more concerned about your well-being."
"Can't we just talk about this movie you're watching?"
Silence crept between us when I refused the topic he wanted to have.
I know how eager he is to learn about my past. However, I might need to ask forgiveness in advance.
I can't let anyone know anything about it until I figure things out myself.
"Well, it's just the same movie."
"You should change your preferences. This is the reason why you're boring."
I felt something poke my chest.
It was the popcorn he throw from across our seat.
"Mind your own preferences and for your information, this is a popular movie."
"I can't understand what they're saying."
"That's why it has subtitles."
I just shrug and drink my beer.
It's starting to have effects on my body which made me delighted.
It'll help me sleep quietly for a while until we travel for our next schedule.
"You should've followed our advice and see some doctor. But You're hard-headed as ever."
"I don't need help, Hyung."
It's not like I'm getting crazy over simple dreams.
"At least they could provide a slight relief about your condition. Unless... You want to keep doing that to yourself. It's your choice."
I took another sip and decide to finish it all.
"I hate doctors, Hyung."
I put the bottle on the table in front of me and watch how empty it was when I've only been drinking it for a few minutes.
"That is one of the reasons why you should not hate doctors."
My eyes glance at him. He was looking at the bottle the same way I did.
"You've been drinking too much lately and that's making me bother... If you can't be open to us, then talk to someone who could help you that wouldn't make you uncomfortable."
I am pretty much aware of their concerns.
Ever since they notice how strange my sleeping habit was and how hard it is for me to cope with the last few years since our debut, they've been vocal about their distress towards my welfare.
They've become observant of my actions. They even make sure I don't do things alone. Unless I get inside my room, where my own space and privacy belong. It's also the reason why I couldn't get my personal property when I could. Their thinking of some possible dangerous way I might do to harm myself.
I haven't gone that mad to kill myself! He's underestimating me.
"I'm totally fine, Hyung. You have to worry about your movie preferences than my well-being."
His annoyed face made me chuckle.
"If you don't want to go see a doctor... then at least let me know what's bothering you all the time. I mean- Can't you trust me?"
"I do trust you-"
"Then say it. Whatever it is, Sehun. I'm willing to lend my ears just for your sake and I promise to keep it between the both of us if you don't want the other members to know about it."
However, I don't have that much courage to talk about my past. I've never mentioned it to any of my friends. Thinking it can be a way to lose the people around me. People will judge and No one can refute that.
Being friends with Suho and the other guys, we built trust. We built friendships for years to count on each other. Yet it wasn't enough to make me feel assured. I couldn't tell any story to them.
"I'll be okay, Hyung."
Suho looks disappointed with my alibi.
I know how much he wanted to help me out. But it's not my fault if he couldn't convince me enough to speak a word.
"You know we will always understand and We will never judge you that easy because friendship is not fragile. Your mental state is our main concern, Sehun. I just want to help. That's what brothers are for, Right?"
His lengthy words made me sigh.
I couldn't look at him directly into his eyes for some reason.
Suho has been a good hyung to me like everybody else in our dorm. I appreciate them being patient and respectful with my decisions of keeping my privacy.
But I just felt like... This is not the right time.
I stood from my seat and I saw him look cautious of my movements.
"I'm going back to sleep. How about you?"
A reluctant smile appeared on his face. He motion the tv and said, "Nah. I still need to finish the movie. I'll be right with you."
I just nod to dismiss our conversation as I leave my seat.
"Alright. See you in the morning."
"It is morning, Idiot."
Haeun's
My eyes locked over the white ceiling of my room.
The sun is apparently soaring outside that sun rays are starting to show from my window. It must be another promising day. As usual.
How I wish time would pass by and winter comes. That way, I could just stay at home and do nothing.
I attempted to rise from my bed. However, my body is too weak to stand and I'm even having a hard time making subtle movements.
"Aish-"
The door from my room suddenly shrieks open.
The familiar tiny hand caught my attention and I immediately went back to bed. Pretending to be asleep, I heard small steps ambling the wooden floor.
A smile crept to my lips as soon as I heard her voice.
"Mommy... Are you awake?"
She sounded as if she just got up from bed. Her tiny voice was still raspy from slumber and I find it really cute.
"Mommy?"
Her soft hand touches my arms. Though I badly want to keep her in my embrace, I stick to my act and pretended not to hear anything.
Wondering what she does next, Silence envelops my room.
Then I felt the side of the bed move. I tried to peek and saw how she struggled to get on my bed. Her legs are short which cause the reason why she has to use all her force.
I can't keep help but chuckle at the sight.
she couldn't notice it since she's busy helping herself out.
When she finally got to my bed, I close my eyes and pretended nothing.
"Mommy, wake up.."
She sat next to the corner. A little while I felt her hand nuzzling my cheeks unto my face.
"Mommy, Please? Jieun is so hungry now."
That prompts me to laugh.
Her small voice and pleading have got me guilty. I opened my eyes only to see her smiling with me.
The familiar resemblance of her happiness caught me off guard. Jieun clearly inherited her father's smile and I don't know if I should feel regretful or fortunate about it. I was as if seeing the identical face all over again. She just happens to have the opposite gender and younger age.
"Good Morning, Baby."
She loses her laugh and went to cuddle me like she usually does in the morning.
"Good Morning, Mommy!"
My hand caressed her lengthy hair. I planted kisses on her forehead at the same time.
"Did you had a good sleep?"
"Uh-hmm. I was having the best dream, Mommy! I was saved by a prince in a castle!"
Her and her imagination.
She constantly has the same dream after I read her a book about a princess and her knight. The story about the girl being saved by a prince over a fearsome monster.
"That sounds like a good dream, huh?"
"Yes it is! But, my tummy rumbles during my dream and the knight I have to get my breakfast soon."
Her cute little pout made me smile.
"He did? Well, what do you want to have for breakfast then?"
Jieun move away from my arms and said, "I want to have your special pancake, Mommy!"
"Hmm.. A special pancake? But a special breakfast needs a special condition first."
Jieun whirled confusedly.
"What do you mean mommy? Can't I have my pancake today?"
"I mean... You could. But first, you have to give mommy a special gift."
"What kind of gift?"
I acted like I was mulling over.
"I guess you have to give mommy a special kiss so you can have your pancake.."
Jieun didn't mislay any odds.
She grew from her seat and shove my face with her palms to give me a kiss.
"Is one kiss okay, Mommy?"
Her sweet cute gesture made me feel delighted.
"Very much, Princess. Now. Come on, let's go make your pancakes."
"Yay!"
I took off from my bed anticipating that Jieun might jump over the floor sometime. Yet she didn't.
She just stood on my mattress and stare at me with her eyes asking for something that made me sigh.
"Baby..I told you that you have to walk on your own and we have to lessen carrying you all the time. You're a big girl now."
Jieun showed a sad face.
It abruptly made me feel horrible.
I know I couldn't keep my authority for that long whenever she shows this impression. It seems unfair that I'm the one who feels bad rather than her. Yet, I couldn't argue more.
"Fine... Because you gave mommy morning kisses, I will carry you but next time you have to do it yourself. Okay?"
I chuckle when I didn't hear any response as I carry her to my arms.
She definitely doesn't want to follow my rules. That's for sure.
Strolling out of my room, Jieun clings her arms around my neck. I kept her safe around my embrace when we pass by the other door next to me.
It was empty and so does the other room across my door.
"Baby, where are they?"
"Oppa went outside with Uncle Jiwoo to play some basketball, Mommy."
I already expected that. But I didn't know they could go out early this morning.
Perhaps, I got up late and didn't realize the time I was consuming on my bed.
"Interesting."
It's a typical routine for the two boys to play basketball in the morning. I know very well that my son is too young to join his uncle and his colleagues.
I tried to warn my brother about it since he might be a handful to them. But as days go on, The guys learn how to enjoy the game with my son playing with them. They even told he was competitive and could be an athlete in the mere future.
I couldn't counteract. His personality is comparable to his father's. Both he and Jieun has a fair share of his ideal that I couldn't refute.
When we arrive at the kitchen, I carefully put Jieun on top of the counter next to the stove. She watches me as I start to grab some utensils from the cabinets.
"Do you want to help mommy make some breakfast today?"
Although I knew she wouldn't be much help, I still have ask. Jieun's the type of girl who didn't want to feel disregard and I could read her face very well. She's waiting for me to pop the question.
"Sure, Mommy! I would love to!"
I couldn't contain her cheekiness and went to pinch her tiny nose.
It's merely six years since I gave birth.
Yet every day, in my eyes, my kids will always be a small baby who'd I have to be gentle with. It felt like a dream now that they are starting to grow further and exploring new things on their own.
Sometimes I would even sulk in their room as soon as I get home from work. I would watch them sleep and think about how they have changed so fast.
From her brother getting interested in sports and gaining way older friends to Jieun helping me out in the kitchen every day and learning household chores. It was as if I just slept one day and everything was all this.
They're growing up too fast and I just couldn't keep with it... Or perhaps I, myself, don't want to keep up with it.
It felt like I have to pause the time to keep them like this.
Two kids who are starting to learn new things. It is a tough job. Harder than having a boss that influences headaches every single day at work.
Many people wondered how we turned like this. I would say it was a long journey. Twins are different level of commitment. But as a mother, it was the greatest gift I could ever ask for. They are my blessings. My only reason to live every day.
"Mommy, We're back!"
We heard the front door opened and I immediately saw how Jieun changes her mood from being focus to agitated.
She probably misses her twin since she didn't get to see him when she woke up. That's how emotionally involve they are in each other.
"In the kitchen, Sweetheart!"
"Jihun's home!"
I heard him ran from the front door. It wasn't that long when I saw him arriving in the kitchen with a smile on his face and sweat dripping all over his body.
"Hi, Mommy... Jieun-ah!"
He went straight to me, tug my shirt and ask for a kiss. I lean down to give him one.
"What did uncle jiwoo and his friends did to you? You look tired, Baby."
"We played basketball and it was fun! Jieun should join us next time, Mommy!"
I laugh and poke his nose with my finger.
"Jieun's not allowed to play basketball, baby. She's a girl. She might get hurt."
His resembling eyes seem confused.
"-And I won't allow her to play basketball either."
Jiwoo entered the kitchen. Who looks as wary as Jihun.
"Hey, Noona."
I smiled at him.
"Why won't she, Uncle? Jieun will feel sad if we leave her again."
Jiwoo chuckled and kneel in front of him. He played with his hair.
"Because Jieun is a girl and the basketball we play is for boys only. You wouldn't want them to like your twin, right?"
I whirled my head over his alibi. Of course, Jihun will start to believe him since he thinks his uncle knows everything and is always right.
"No, I don't want to."
"Then we can't take her to our plays. Besides we can always hang out at her tea party. Right, Jieun?"
"Yes, Uncle! I will prepare food for both of you!"
"Okay enough of that. You boys should go upstairs and change so we can have our breakfast."
"Oh I forgot, Do you have work today, Noona? It's weekend."
Jieun and Jihun's eyes sparkle as they heard the question. They knew what weekend means.
"No. that's why we're going shopping today!"
"Yehey!"
"But that's after breakfast. Let's make everything quick so we can have all the time to play outside."
*****