My worst enemy is memory.
Chapter 22
Greg's mouth was now at my ear, his breath tickling me slightly.
"Rose," He starts with the same velvet voice.
"I think I've gone mad."
Hunter, I whisper one last time.
* * *
I never did believe in hope.
Desires can always be ignored, and feelings don't always exist. And that's just what hope is. A feeling of expectation and a desire for something to happen.
Sometimes giving up is easier. No, it's always easier.
If to hope is to risk despair, then what do you call someone with no hope at all?
When you hope, you expect, and when you expect too much, you'll only be disappointed in the end.
I've thought this my whole entire life. Up until now.
When my mind frantically screamed for Hunter, his name even escaped my lips.
It was then that Greg finally stopped moving wildly.
For just a split of a second, I allowed myself to hope. To hope that I would be saved. To hope that things can get better. That maybe, just maybe, I'll survive the what's coming ahead.
If I thought Greg was acting weird before, he expanded my expectations when he tugged my body towards him. I couldn't even push myself away as he wrapped both his arms around be, squeezing tight.
If you ignored the tight grip he had, you would see it as an innocent hug. Although, I wasn't hugging back.
In the most desolated voice, Greg spoke out, "It's my fault they're dead."
"W-what do you mean it's your fault? You killed them, didn't you?" If it was possible, Greg's grip got tighter.
"Didn't you?" I urged on. I need to hear it from him.
Greg stepped away, but left one hand on each of my shoulders.
"That day in the library.." He started, his eyes intensely staring into me.
I waited for him to say more, but he never did.
"I even have this," Greg chuckled humorously as he stomped towards a bag leaning against my bed. I didn't even realize that was there.
"G-Greg, what are you doing?"
The light from the window reflects right on the tainted knife in his hands.
"Look," he demands, bringing the knife closer to me.
"What are you doing with that, Greg?"
For once, my legs knew exactly what to do; run.
I run to the door, my hand on the handle in seconds. Nothing.
Despair. Once again, I'm left disappointed. Hope is useless. Hope is deadly. Hope doesn't exist.
The door wouldn't budge.
"How did you-?" Turning back around, I expected Greg to be standing exactly where he was moments before.
Stupid of me to really think of such a thing. Rather than what I imagined, Greg was right there, an inch away. As I turned, I almost bumped into him. The knife in his hand not being unforgotten.
"I'm tired, Rose, aren't you? I'm so fucking tired of life. So, so tired."
I wouldn't say my life flashed before my eyes. Or at least that's not what I would call it.
Before I could even process what was happening, the words slipped from my mouth like a bar of soap in wet hands.
"Kill me."
The life I saw was not one I am proud of. I have made mistakes in my life, but who hasn't. But I've made too many mistakes. Perhaps one too many.
One too many lies.
I've disrupted everyone's lives.
Liv. Sure, she was pretty nasty to me as well, but none of that would have happened if we had never met.
Emily. She may have said that she wanted nothing more than to leave, but what if there was more for her here. She can be anywhere now. She could be dead.
Mom. My mother has always felt the need to work hard for us. She would work late and tired shifts to make extra money so I could have stuff like a savings and a car. It's a long shot, but maybe, just maybe if I wasn't even born.
Greg. Well for one, many people would still be alive. I was the main motive of Greg doing everything that he did. If we had never met, he would have still been the great delta for the Dark Moon Pack.
Hunter. I'm not too sure about him. He's already unpredictable as can be. Although I've caused him so much distress, I'm sure his life would be better without as his mate, and without me in general.
"Kill me," my voice is stronger this time. More demanding. Like I really want it.
I want to die. No, I deserve to. I've destroyed my life. All I cause is pain and misery.
"No." Greg looked appalled from my request.
He stumbled many steps back as If I had slapped him, the knife slipping from his grip and falling to the floor.
I was too focused on Greg to hear the sound that the knife would have made when it impacted against the hardwood floor.
"I-I'm not going to kill you. Is that you thought? You thought I was going to kill you?" Pain flashed in his eyes.
My mouth opened as If I was going to say something, but I was at a loss for words.
"Rose, I would never hurt you. I love you."
It was at that specific second that the door slammed open and in ran many large men.
Before I knew It, Greg was being shoved to the ground, and words were being shouted everywhere. It was so chaotic that my brain began to get fuzzy.
I couldn't hear anything. Someone may have been speaking to me, yelling at me, and I wouldn't know.
Greg's eyes never left mine, I kept his gaze. He didn't resist.
That's the first thing I thought.
He almost seemed relieved. His face was harshly pushed against the floor, his eyes still connected with mine.
His lips started moving. I couldn't tell whether he was actually speaking or mouthing something.
At first I thought he was mouthing, I love you. However, that wasn't the case.
As my eyes focused on his lips, it became more clear.
Goodbye, Rose. Goodbye.
I didn't understand what he meant. Would they kill him? Does he know?
My lips twitched slightly.
Goodbye, I wanted to say. I never really did get the chance.
They roughly pulled Greg up, and four men escorted him out. My eyes didn't leave him until his body was completely gone from my vision.
"Rose?" As if an alarm sounded in my head, I was quickly brought back into reality.
People were everywhere. More specifically, large, strong men, who are most likely pack warriors were everywhere. Some were expecting every corner of the house. I saw someone walk out with the knife carefully in their hands.
"Rose?" A voice repeated.
"Jason?" I ask confused.
"What are you doing here?"
"I'm a pack warrior, same with Tom. Are you okay? I've been trying to get your attention for the past few minutes. Are you hurt."
"I'm fine," I attempt to reassure him, but I couldn't bring myself to smile.
"Alpha Hunter will be here soon. Do you want to come down stairs and have a seat? You're safe now."
It's ironic that he's right, I am safe now, but I've never felt so exposed. Despite this, I still follow him to my living room, sidestepping all the people walking past.
There were so many people, I don't even know where they came from.
"If Hunter didn't come, then how did you guys know where I was?" A small part of me, the selfish part, wanted it to have been Hunter.
I wanted Hunter to be the one who slammed open that door. I wanted him to be the hero.
As soon as I sat down, Jaxon walked up to us and dismissed Jason.
"How are you feeling?" He asked as he sat down across from me.
"Fine."
"Fine?" He raises his eyebrows as if to say, 'oh really?'.
"What do you want me to say? That I'm not fine? That i've got this big uneasy anxious feeling. That I just want to break down and shut everything out? That I wanted to die?" It seems that I was already breaking, words keeps leaving my mouth and I couldn't make it stop.
"You what?" Jaxon asks loudly.
Realizing what I just said, I look away and mutter, "I'm fine."
"You wanted to end your life?" He asks more calmly.
"No. Maybe, kinda. It was more of in the moment thing." I couldn't hold his agonizing glare.
"What is wrong with you? Do you not realize how many people would be affected by your death?" Jaxon seemed really upset about it.
"I- I guess I didn't think of it like that. I thought that If I was gone, people would live more at peace. I wouldn't be able to hurt them anymore."
"Well that's a stupid way to think. If you died, everyone would be affected in the worse way possible. Think of your mom and sister, how would they react if they found out you we're dead? How long would it take them to recover? Would they? Or how about Hunter, he's your mate.
If you died he would feel like part of him died as well. Majority of wolves who's mate dies ends up killing themselves. And let's say, for argument sake, that Hunter passed as well. That would leave a whole pack without an Alpha. People would fight for power, wars would happen, lots of people would die. All that because a eighteen year old wanted didn't want to face the world."
"Hey, don't you think you're being a little harsh? I know what I thought was wrong. I- I never would have gone through with it. At the time, it just seemed like the right way. I thought I was going to die anyways. I guess I accepted it. I didn't wan't to take the risks of anymore harm coming to the people I care about. But don't worry, I know now how bad what I thought really is."
"Good. Look, I know taking risks are scary but sometimes it's essential. Everything has risks. To hope is to risk despair, to try is to risk failure, to love is to risk not being loved in return, but risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing."
"Wow, I didn't know you could be so deep."
"I have my moments," Jaxon smiles warmly. There was something in that smile that told me everything will be okay.
Abruptly, Jaxon stood up, his eyes looking at something behind my.
"Alpha," He greeted.
When Hunter walked in, I also stood up.
"Beta," Hunter's voice was stern and formal, his eyes not once looking towards my direction.
"Everything's all sorted out, the suspect locked up for now. It's up to you on how you would like to proceed." It was an odd sight to see Jaxon act so professional.
"I'll deal with that in a few minutes." Jaxon's lip twitched as if he was about to speak.
Was he going to ask about Hunter's mother?
"You may go, I will meet you at the pack cells." Jaxon nods then leaves.
Even after Jaxon left, Hunter would still not meet my gaze. At last, he turned towards me.
"I'll be out all night doing pack work, you should stay at you families for tonight." I understood why Hunter was being so formal to Jaxon, but why for me? Although he has been through a lot.
"Yeah, that sounds good." I was waiting for him to offer me a ride, but just stood there awkwardly in silence as he said nothing.
A man a few years older than me approached Hunter and began talking about what they saw when they found Greg. I mentally cringe when he mentions what they heard before they walked in.
"Rose, I would never hurt you. I love you."
As Hunter was busy with the guy, I approach Jason who stood a few feet away.
"Hey Jason, I know we may not be on good terms, but I was wondering if you could give me a ride to my house?"
A sincere smile formed on his lips, "Only if you promise that we can start from the beginning. Forget about all the crap that has happened, I really am sorry for that."
"Deal," I allow a smile to place on my lips. The more friends I can get, the better.
"I'll wait till you're done," I gesture towards all the other wolves finding something to do.
"Well, I'm cleared from my duties for the night, we can leave now. Do you want a jacket? It's chilly outside." I nod.
Jason excuses himself to grab my jacket from my room, claiming that I wasn't allowed to enter my own room yet.
Looking back at Hunter, he was still talking to that man. Before I knew it, Jason was back.
"Ma lady," His stretches out his hand towards me, my jacket in it.
"Thanks."
"Alright, my cars the last one on the drive way. If you're lucky, you might even get to ride in the front." It was nice to see Jaxon on a different light. He always the shy guy getting teased, now he's the one teasing.
"That won't be necessary." A deep voice rumbled from behind me.
Hunter stood so close behind me that my back was touching his torso.
"I'll take her." There was a sense of threat and possessiveness to your words.
"Of course Alpha, I was just trying to be polite." Jason gives me an awkward half smile.
"You can leave," I couldn't see Hunter, but from Jason's reaction I could tell he was giving him a dark stare.
"I thought you were busy?" I ask, trying to ease the tension.
"I am, but it's on the way." I knew that Hunter was lying. My house would be at the least, a 10 minute detour.
"Okay fine, can we go now then?" I attempted to speak as politely as I could.
"Yeah, lets go." Hunter shoulders past me and walks ahead.
Sorry, I mouth to Jason. He smiles understandingly.
* * *
"You didn't have to drive me, you probably had better things to do."
"Probably," Hunter agrees, his steady hands driving carefully.
"You look tired," I comment.
Hunter had bags under his eyes, his brown hair all ruffled, he even had a short stubble. He looked older, stress can do that to a person.
"I'm fine."
"Yeah, you and me both," I mumble more for myself.
When we drove up to my street, he stopped just outside my driveway.
"Did he, Greg didn't , he wasn't, did he hurt you?" Hunter stumbled over his wording, an uncomfortable expression reaching his features.
"No."
"Are you okay?" I knew for a fact that Hunter isn't one to share, but it's worth a shot.
"Of course."
"Well, you have stuff to do, I should leave." Opening his car door, I hop out, hesitating at the door.
"I'll pick you up tomorrow." Hunter said.
I close the door and he speeds off.
Sighing, I make my way up to the front porch.
Trying the handle, I ring the doorbell when it doesn't open.
Of course the stupid person I am, I leave with no phone, no key, and no money.
I ring the door 5 times and still no answer. The front light was off, although it's always off when Soph is home alone. Mom's car was in the driveway, but Jake's was not.
Rather than ringing the doorbell another 5 times, I press my ear to the door and try to hear for anything. The sound of a nob turning, followed by the gush of water left me to conclude that Soph must be taking a shower.
Darn her and her nightly showers. God forbid she looses precious sleep by taking one in the morning.
If Soph was a bit older, she would have heard my loud banging. Unfortunately for me, not only is she young so her senses are not as i's best, she likes to play music when shes showering.
I eventually give up and sit on the floor with my back leaning against the white wooden door.
* * *
It had been only twenty minutes and several cars had driven past the house. It wasn't until a specific car stopped by my house that It caught my attention.
"Jason?" I call out confused.
Why was he here?
Parking on the side of the road, he jumps out and walks speedily towards me.
"Hey, what are you doing outside?" He asks.
"I can ask you the same thing. Why are you here?"
"I live down the street, I saw a body on your porch, I was worried." I felt slightly embarrassed that Jason lives just down the street from me and I didn't even know.
"My sister's in the shower, I forgot to bring my key, and my doors locked."
"Well, you can always brake it down," He suggests.
"Yeah, I'd rather not," I chuckle.
"Well, I don't know about you but I'm starving. Want to go out for a bite?" I thought over his offer, my eyes wandering from him to the house.
"Soph will be done soon," I let my sentence hang.
"So that's a no?"
"Well, I mean, I want to but..."
"But?" He urges on.
When I don't say anything, he continues.
"Come on, it'll be fun. We can hang out, you really just need to relax a little, especially with everything that's going on. It's a lot to handle."
"I don't know.. I mean Hunter-"
"That won't be a problem. We're just friends, and plus, I would never deceive my Alpha."
"Oh alright, why not."
A big grin appears on Jason's lips and his whole face seems brighter.
"Come on, hop in."
Jason gives me his hand, helping me into his truck.
As soon as we start to drive, Jason pops out a question.
"So, where do you want to eat?"
--------------------------------------------------------
TO BE CONTINUED.
If I didn't get distracted so easily, and procrastinate so much, I probably would have updates so much sooner. Oh well!
What do you think about Rose and Jason's new friendship?
So, Greg's really locked up... What do you think will happen to him next?
Thanks for all the support, you are all my motivation to write :)
PLEASE VOTE--->
XOXO-Jada