Marthe.
Vanessa is actually a good therapist. I've seen her twice, but I like her. She agrees I shouldn't let go of Maxine. I found out Sybil's taking Maxine to the formal, which I nearly fought her over, but Sienna offered, and I'm using her to see Maxine. Call me shallow, but I know Maxine needs one night of fun without me trying to ruin it. I wonder what kind of dress she'll wear.
"Marth, what about this?" Sienna asked, taking me out of my thoughts. Sienna and the rest of the sorority decided to go shopping for their dresses together, but because I'm Sienna's "date", I got dragged along for the ride. Sienna offered me fake apologies for Maxine dumping me, but you and I know she could care less. I'm not back on my old bullshit. I have to be better for Maxine.
How can I be better for Maxine when she yelled at me at school for everyone to see and hear? I am never getting out of this shit house. She yelled at me and threw her drink on me a week ago. I deserved that.
"It's great," I said, not looking up from my wallpaper of Maxine, but I know the dress is short and tight.
"You didn't even look," I am going to a dance with the straightest girl in the world. Looking up, I was right. Not my cup of tea, but if Maxine were in it, I'd drool over it.
"I like it," I lie.
"But the white dress was better," I said, referring to a long, white, silky dress. It was a deep plunge with thin straps and leg slits.
"Really? It's not too white?" Sienna asked, looking at the beautiful dress. I already bought my suit, and it's all black. I'm going to this dance to mourn the loss of my girlfriend. I'm going to watch another woman hold her, dance with her, and make her night. I have one more final, and I'll be done. I wonder how Maxine will do her hair. Will it be up, complementing her neck, or will it be down in beautiful black and white waves?
Whatever she wears, she'll look good. I know Sybil will treat her right, and she's lucky because I've never slow danced with Maxine. Maxine said we could be friends, but then she ghosted except to pay her half of the rent. Maxine doesn't speak to me in class and ignores me when getting coffee. She claims she needs to focus on her finals, but I know that's bullshit. Maxine is on the dean's list. I didn't think it'd be this hard. Fuck me.
Fuck this, fuck that, fuck it. Just fuck.
Tonight I'm going to dance with a woman I have no feeling towards, and I will suck it up. Maxine didn't say she wanted space, but her actions did... and Sybil told me.
"Marth, where are you?" Sienna asked, waving her hand in front of my face.
"I'm right here," I point out, but I know she doesn't mean physically.
"No, mentally," I knew that.
"I'm here," I lie again.
No, I'm thinking about the love of my life and how I possibly lost my future wife because I couldn't take some time to consider Maxine's feelings before acting on one of her fears, and how hot she'll look tonight, but I can't take her home or fucking dance with her.
"Whatever. I'm getting the white dress," Sienna brushed me off, sitting down with me, waiting on the rest of the sorority to get their dresses.
"Am I going home with you?" Sienna asked, and I know she wants to, but I promised myself I'm not fucking anyone but Maxine. She's the only woman I want to make love to.
"No," I said, meaning it.
"Awe, baby," Sienna started.
"I'm not your baby," I said. When will she understand that I will never get with her? She's straight and not Maxine.
"That Maxine did a number on you," tell me about it.
"Remember, I'm the one who cheated on her. I'm just guilty and sorry," Sienna carefully digested my words but stayed quiet.
"Why do you care? This isn't like you to feel sorry about breaking someone's heart," Sienna asked after some time.
"I fell in love. When are you going to understand that?" I snapped, looking down at my Docs.
"She got her hooks in deep if The Marthe Woertman is sorry and in love," I don't know why the fuck I agreed to go with Sienna to the dance. If she's going to bring up my past and talk shit about Maxine, then I'm going to stand her up. I would leave Sienna high and dry, making her question if I went at all.
"Yes, she did, and I am determined to get her back," I said, watching the other girls pick their final dresses.
"I hear she's taking Sybil," I fucking know that.
"Isn't Sybil your best friend? Seems low to me," if she doesn't shut the fuck up, I'm going to leave right now.
"Yes, I know that, but Sybil and Maxine are also friends," I regret introducing them. I see Sybil take Maxine to school, and they go hang out. I swear Maxine has a new tattoo every time I see her, not to mention her septum piercing. Maxine has three more tattoo's that I can see, and I don't know why she's gotten so many, but if it's a pain thing, that worries me.
Maxine has gone anti bra. It's so distracting, but boys won't stop staring at her, and I want to say something, but I don't because she isn't mine.
Maxine.
"That's the dress," Kayla clasps her hands together, looking me up and down. Sybil was on her phone, but I need her opinion.
"Sybil," I call out to the green-eyed girl. She snaps her head up before her jaw dropped. I've worn risque dresses, but this is by far the most daring dress. It was a long black dress with two leg slits and a daunting neck plunge, exposing my new tattoo. Sybil did the moon phase sternum tattoo last night, and it hurt. I know Marth has something similar on her back, but I wanted to feel closer to her without making contact.
It's also my thanks for being my first love out of the closet.
"That's hot," she says, but I can't help but imagine Marth's reaction. I don't know if she's going because she threw a fit when she found out Sybils taking me. I bet Marth would try shoving me back into the dressing room or maybe rushing us out. I know she wouldn't keep her hands to herself as I get ready for the formal. I know she'd bring the backpack, and she'd show me off.
I wonder what Marth's wearing. I hope it's a suit because she looks delicious in them. By now, she knows I've requested space, and she hasn't tried anything since I almost kissed her two weeks ago. I might've yelled at her, announcing our breakup to everyone. Does she order my coffee to drink like I order hers? I buy her favourite beers and snacks, and it helps when I draw her crying about something.
"Earth to Maxine," Kayla's voice brings me out of my trance, and I'm still standing in front of the mirror, staring at myself. Marth will like this dress.
"Sorry," I said. Kayla is the only one who knows Marth, and I broke up, but I don't see how others didn't realise it because I'm taking Sybil, not Marth, to the formal tonight. My other friends weren't there when I yelled at Marth about leaving me alone yesterday, but Kayla witnessed it. A few girls I've seen Marth with before we got together laughed at her, and I guess they spread the news because I kept getting stared at all day.
"Are you okay?" No, I'm not, but I will be. I have to be, and right now, I am fragile. I've been weak but trying to cover it by burying myself in school. I've gotten a few more tattoos because Sybil has come out with her design, and I'm her test subject. I don't mind because that's when I deal with the pain of Marth. I haven't told my dad or Aunt Rebel, and I don't think I will for some time.
"One day," I lie to myself. Kayla knows it, and Sybil knows it, but they are trying to be supportive. I changed out of the dress, buying it before the three of us left back to the flat to get dressed. Kayla did my makeup, giving me a simple natural look. I pinned my hair up and changed my earrings. I wasn't worried about a bra because I feel much better without them, but my dress doesn't require one.
Sybil got dressed last second because she's wearing a suit, and she doesn't need a lot of effort.
"Wow," she says, looking at my whole get up. I feel my face heat up.
"I'm gonna go, but I'll see y'all there," Kayla said, leaving in her dress and duffle bag with all of her things.
"Shall we?" Sybil asked. I nodded as we left with a duffle bag of our own because we are going to the after-party at the sorority house.
The room was ballroom like, and several people were already here, eating, dancing, drinking, and having fun. I took a deep breath as my eyes subconsciously searched for Marth.
"You guys made it!" Devon exclaimed, engulfing us in a hug.
"Watch the tattoo," Sybil objects as Devon let go, looking at the plunge in my dress.
"Damn, Max," I rolled my eyes.
"Do a spin," Darren said, holding hands with Louis. I did spin around once.
"When did you get this?" Louis asked, referring to my spine and sternum tattoos.
"I did them," Sybil is proud of her work, and she should be. My spine tattoo says: "don't cry over me; i'm in your heart", and it's the last thing my mother told me before she died. It's in cursive.
"Wanna do me?" Darren asked.
"Yeah, meet me at the shop tomorrow," Sybil offered. Sybil got me a drink, but I couldn't drink it because I saw Marth step in with the girl I found her in bed with. I felt sick, but her all-black tux is a distraction, and I'd knew she'd wear it, but her date has on the exact same dress like me in white. Are you fucking kidding me? I downed my drink before asking for another.
"We haven't started dancing," Sybil points out.
"Twelve o'clock," Sybil, Darren, Louis, and Devon turn their heads towards Marth, who was staring at us, well me. Her eyes raked down my dress as they widened, making my face heat up.
"Oh, shit," Devon exclaims, smiling at his female counterpart.
"Hey," Marth says, coming up to us, and her voice sends me into overdrive.
"Well, looky here," Sienna says to me, looking at me with hatred.
"I hear you're quite the little heartbreaker," is it too early to throw my drink on anyone?
"Fuck, Sienna, no," Marth tells her pet before dragging her away. They sat down at a separate table from us. The tension is so thick, and it keeps growing with each passing second. She unbuttoned the blazer and the first few buttons on her button-down, exposing a part of her chest and my knees buckle. I ask Sybil to dance with me as she agrees, taking me to the floor, holding me close before we slowly spin in circles. I couldn't help but let my eyes fall on Marth with each turn, and I want her. I'm screaming for her.
Marthe.
I can't do this. I can't sit here, watching Sybil dance with Maxine, and that fucking dress looks so good on her. Her hair is up, letting me see her elegant neck, and as she turns, I'm met with her back, and it has a tattoo running down the spine, but the sternum tattoo tightens my chest because the moon phases remind me of the ones on my back. That has to say something.
I hate the way Maxine holds onto Sybil, but each time her eyes are in my direction, they land on me, and they kill another part of my soul. Her legs peek from under the high leg slits, letting me see the creamy skin I miss kissing. The way the dress falls over her hip, complementing her waist, causes my throat to tighten from lust and love. She looks so beautiful, but she's so far from me.
"Can we dance?" Sienna asked. I sighed, getting up, taking her hand, guiding her to the floor. She wraps her arms around my neck, and I wrap my arms around her waist. If I shut my eyes, I can pretend I'm dancing with Maxine. Sienna is not Maxine, and she never will be. She hasn't stopped talking my ear off, and she's tried to kiss me, which I dodged each time.
Everyone is staring at me from yesterdays fight I had with Maxine, and it's pissing me off. Everyone knows we broke up, and I feel like an open target. I can't relax.
After what felt like a lifetime, Sienna grew tired and wanted to hang out with the sorority girls, calling me boring and that I've grown soft. I don't care if I have. I don't give a fuck if my reputation is ruined. Good, I'm glad it's destroyed. I don't want anyone else. I took a break myself as I grabbed a drink, chugging it, knowing someone spiked the bowl. I look over to Maxine and Sybil, and they are laughing. Maxine pokes Sybil's cheek with her finger as Sybil cups Maxine's face in her hands, and I'm stepping out of the room to get some air.
That should be me. I should be holding Maxine. I should be kissing her, telling her how much I love her. We'd go to the after-party but leave early back home to make love ending a spectacular night, but I'm outside drinking alone, and I do mean alone-no ones out here with me. Sitting down on the steps, I hung my head low, letting my tears come.
How does one fuck up their life like this?
How do you let the one go?
How do you fuck them over like they never mattered? Maxine is everything to me, and I ruined it. I'm never getting her back, and I have to accept that. If Rowan were here, she'd tell me to march back inside and get my girl, but it's not that easy when my girl is doing everything in her power to forget I existed, and it isn't fair.
Life isn't fair, and it hasn't been since I got kicked out. Will I ever catch a fucking break?
"What are you doing?" My head snaps up at Johnny.
"Me?" I asked. He shook his head.
"No, I'm talking to Casper, the friendly ghost," he says, sitting next to me.
"Why are you crying? You never cry," this bitch.
"I cheated on Maxine, and I can't get her back," I admit to Johnny fucking Parker of all people.
"When?" I sighed at his question.
"Some time during Thanksgiving break," why is he talking to me? He should be laughing at me.
"I have to admit, it's nice to see you upset over hurting someone, so that's growth," I'm going to punch him again.
"Go get her," he said, shocking me.
"Why? She's having more fun with Sybil," I say, giving up.
I give up. I'm done.
I'll never date again.
"No, she's not. Maxine is too in love with you to have fun with anyone else," why is he telling me this?
"Why are you helping me?" I asked, sitting up, exposing my tear-stained cheeks.
"She might be your only shot at being a decent human being," he has a point.
"That and I know she loves you. I drove her to the hospital everyday," now that is shocking to hear.
"You drove her?" I asked, wiping my face.
"Yeah, I did, so get in there," Johhny said, standing up. He reached his hand out. I hesitantly grabbed it, letting him help me up.
"Come one," he dragged me along inside. My palms start to sweat as I approach Maxine. She's standing alone, drinking something. She looks so beautiful, and everyone is watching me, and Maxine and the pressure is too much.
"H-hi," fuck, I stuttered. Maxine looked up at me before dodging her eyes elsewhere.
"Hi," she said, setting her drink down.
"Do you wanna dance?" I asked. Maxine looked around, and I know she's looking around the room at everyone staring at us.
"S-sure," I'm shocked, she agreed. I fought my smile as I took her hand in mine, guiding her to the dance floor.
"You are radiant," I said, resting my cheek on the side of her head. She held me tighter as I wrapped my arms around her waist.
"You clean up well yourself," Maxine said as we spun in circles together. I shut my eyes, listening to the lyrics of the sad song playing above. I know this song, and it kills me that this song is everything Maxine feels. It's called Recovery by LP, and it's making this that more emotional.
"Marth," Maxine said as I looked down on her. Her hand took one of mine off her waist, holding it as she placed her other hand on my shoulder.
"I miss you," she says, tears forming in her eyes. I quickly wiped them away, and she didn't flinch back. She leaned her head into my hand. Her cheek is soft as I stroked my thumb on the skin.
"I miss you too," I said before she kissed my palm. I haven't felt her lips anywhere in so long; I'm amazed I'm taking this well. We didn't say anything but stare into each other's eyes, and I'm leaning in, and so is she is, and her lips are calling for me, but none of us has stopped as she gets closer to me. I get closer to her before I pause.
"Max..." I say, giving her the chance to back out now if she wants to. I'll let her run away from me again, and I won't try anything ever again. This feels like our first kiss all over. She's in control as I wait. I will never forget when she pushed me to the ground, kissing me outside while drunk. She woke me up that night, and I didn't sleep at all. I regretted telling her to fuck off because it ate me alive, not speaking to her.
"Do you want this?" Maxine asked, making me furrow my brows.
"Of course, I want this," I said, anticipating her next more.
"Don't fuck me over again," I am putty in her hands as she tugs on my open blazer, her lips meeting mine. I suck in a sharp breath as I hold her close to me, feeling her hands tangle in my hair, pulling at the hairs on the nape of my neck. I could feel my heart stitching itself back together as my tongue met hers.
"Oh, god," I groan, feeling whole again.
"I love you," Maxine says, and I could die. I haven't heard her say those words in so long, and they glue me back together.
"I love you," she says again in our kiss.
"I love you, Marth," she repeats.
"I love you, Max," I say, and she kisses me deeper.
I break the kiss, pressing my forehead on Maxine's. I couldn't stop the smile on my face, and for the first time in long time, I see her smile a real smile.
"Now this tattoo," I said, letting a finger tug on the dress as I shamelessly look down at the moon phases. Maxine giggles, kissing me again.
"There's this after-party after this. Do you wanna go with me?" Maxine asked, nervously spinning my hair in her fingers as we continued to dance.
"Yes, I'd love that," I can't stop fucking smiling.
"Can I come home?" I stop smiling.
"Yes, baby. You've been welcome this whole time," I said. How could she think she wasn't welcome? I've been waiting for her to open that door, announcing her return.
"Okay, I'll move back tomorrow," she says, kissing me again. She rests her head on my shoulder as my eyes fall on Johnny, who lifted his glass. I gave him a small nod before that brat Layla stood next to him. Rolling my eyes, I took Maxine's hand, sitting with my friends.
"It's about damn time," Sybil said, sounding relieved.
"Fuck off," I said, pulling Maxine onto my lap. I kissed the back of her shoulder, and I watched goosebumps rise. I know how this night is ending, and I cannot wait.
Sybil let Maxine grab her clothes from her car for the after-party, and we went to my truck to change, but I couldn't keep my hands to myself as I laid her down in the back seat.
"Marth," Maxine whines as I kiss her, taking off my blazer. I have absolutely zero patience waiting until we get home. I need her now. Our lips danced as her hands unbuttoned my shirt, tugging it down my arms, leaving me in a plain black bra. My hands lifted Maxine's hips, pulling on the zipper, dragging it down, and she let me take off her dress.
I dropped my jaw at her body. I haven't seen it in so long. I kissed the skin above her breast as she cried out, unbuckling my belt.
Maxine ripped my belt off, popping the button of my slacks. I paused to take off my shoes. I'm so glad I parked in the back, where no one can see us, and I'm thrilled I didn't take the backpack out of the truck. It's still in here. I haven't used it in so long, so I'm excited I get to use it on the one person I want to use it on.
"I love you," I moan out as Maxine's panty choice. They were red and lace. I scooted the front seats up to give us more room as I got on my knees on the floor. Spreading Maxine's legs, I kissed the skin above her panty line.
"Marth, please," She begged as my fingers looped around the thin material, pulling her panties down her legs, careful of her tattoo. I left her heels on because I don't have the patience to unbuckle them, and I'm not about to make the time for it, and I think they look hot. I kissed the inside of her thighs, making Maxine squirm.
I decided I wouldn't tease her for long before I finally tasted her after all this time, and I can't get enough. Maxine cried out, tugging my hair as my hand came up to grab her left breast. My tongue entered her, tasting her, drinking her up.
"Fuck," she cries out, and it is music to my ears to have her at my mercy, and I don't know if I have it in me to stop. Maxine bucked her hips against my face as two of my fingers entered her. Her moans filled the small space, filling my ego as my lips wrapped around her clit. I know she won't last, and she didn't because she's already coming.
I didn't stop flicking my tongue or pumping my arm until she fell limp. Even then, I didn't stop my arm. I lifted my head, wanting to watch her eyes as she comes for me again.
"Don't stop," Maxine yells, tossing her head back against the seat. Her legs shook around me as my lips attached to her neck, determined to mark her up. I felt her come around my fingers again, but I'm not done.
"Marth, what the fuck," I smiled into her neck as she screams in a way I've never heard. I smiled at the mark on her neck before looking into her eyes. She's trying to keep them open, and my arm is getting tired, but I push through, kissing down her body, my lips wrapping around one of her nipples. She can't control coming again before she jerked her body against mine. I pull my fingers out and grab the backpack, letting Maxine calm down as I took off my slacks and boxers.
Maxine sat up as I put on the strap. It's been so long since I used this that I felt a stretch inside of me. She pushed me onto the seat, taking off my bra. Her lips attached themselves to my neck as she lowered herself onto the strap.
I cried out as she swivelled her hips, still kissing my neck.
"Baby," I groaned, holding her close to me before she started bouncing up and down. I took in my lower lips, watching Maxine toss her head back in pleasure. I am not going to last long because it's been so long since we've done this. Our breath synced together as her skin glistened, making her look so beautiful.
"I love you," she says, and it brings me closer and closer. I can't properly fuck her in my truck, but I can make love to her in our bed, and I will do it tomorrow morning.
"I love you so much, Max," I say as she kisses me, trying to bounce up and down at the same time. I buck my hips to meet her halfway, and she's shaking. Her legs are quacking and so are mine, and before I know it, I am screaming her name while she screams mine. She climbs off of me, taking off the harness before getting on her knees.
"Wha-," I'm cut off when her lips kiss my clit. I shudder from this long-awaited feeling.
"Max, fuck," I moan her name before I felt her fingers enter me. I fist her now messy hair as her tongue repeatedly glides over my clit. I toss my head back, gasping for air as she pumps her arm rhythmically with no change. How could I forget her head game is a wet dream. I have half a mind to let her strap me, and I've never let anyone top me after I turned eighteen.
"Baby, right there," I sink lower into the seat, pushing her face deeper on me.
"Max, I'm gonna come," I whine, warning her. She doesn't stop as her free hand laced through my free hand, and her eyes pierced mine, making me come. Riding out my high, she kissed up my body, to my lips, kissing me hard.
"I love you so much," I groaned as she straddled my hips again. I could feel her on me, and she's so wet. This is new for us. I gripped her ass, pulling her across me, making me feel a sensation I've never tried.
"Oh, my god," I shut my eyes, helping her thrust her hips on me. I didn't know she could be this wet, and I know she can feel how wet I am. Our eyes didn't break from each other's because I know she can feel it too. I've never done this, and I know she's never done this, so I will cherish this moment forever.
"Fuck," Maxine cries. I can feel all of her, and it's beautiful.
"Don't stop," I begged as I gripped her hips, digging my fingers into her skin. I toss my head back again, feeling my climax come faster. I explode with Maxine as our cries fill the small space. I can feel her coming on me, and it is intoxicating.
We calmed down as I cleaned us up before slowly changing into different clothes for the after-party.
"Well, that was new," I said, adjusting the seats so I could drive.
"Yeah, I liked that," Maxine agrees, fixing her hair, letting it down. I lean over, kissing her once more before driving to the sorority house. I don't care if Sienna loses her shit over getting back with Maxine. She had to see this coming. I placed my hand on Maxine's thigh before she laced our fingers together, bringing a smile to my face.
"I love you," I said.
"I love you," Maxine calls back.