26
Coma
Climbing up this mountain
Climbing up twice
Hoping that I make it this time
But I'm so done with hoping
'Cause hoping is to failing is to
Falling down this mountain
Falling down again
Boom, boom
Heart beats still beating in the end
I'm choking
—This Mountain
Faouzia
IT WAS rather gruelling for Raymond to concentrate on his work. Despite that, he had gotten away with all of the meetings. Even though that was just by a nose. Throughout the day, people had been glancing towards him with eerie looks. And Raymond had no idea why.
Yet, Trevor was being incredibly supportive of his unsuspecting wariness. He managed to save him when he wasn't listening. He told him all about the meetings beforehand. And the files prepared by him were a huge help. Trevor had substantiated that Raymond was lucky having him as second in authority.
Raymond's daydream was cut short when his assistant, Erika, informed him that Dr Joseph French was here to see him. Joe's name was something that irked Joe a lot. It was similar to Emilia being provoked by being called Emily. But apparently, Joe didn't think he could change his name. By the time he realised he could, it was rather insignificant to change it. He preferred Joey, but Erika insisted on referring to him formally.
As soon as he saw Joe's face, Raymond didn't want to hear what was to come. But he knew he was curious and that would get the best of him, like always.
"You look like shit." Joe remarked at his first glance.
Gee thanks, bro.
"What is it?" Raymond cut to the chase. Joe gave him a small smile and moved in front of his desk. He seemed tired. And Raymond felt a bit guilty for attesting him with keeping her company even though the countless times Joe had assured him that Joe was a friend to Emilia too. And that it was something he would have done anyway. Raymond was curious as to how and when did their friendship grew so much. But he had other things on his mind.
"She's fine. It'll take about a month for her to heal completely. But she's out of danger." Joe sighed and glanced at his hands.
"But?"
"She's comatose."
"Coma?" Raymond wanted to shatter this massive window of a wall in his office as soon as he had heard that word.
"Yeah, that's what the doctors say, they think it's for the better. Easier for her."
Raymond gritted his jaws together and nipped blood in his lips when he sunk his teeth into his lower lip. He wiped it away with his hand.
"For how long?" Raymond managed to ask.
"We don't know yet. It could be a few days, a week or even a month. It all depends on the progress reports."
"I'll keep updating as soon as I know more, yeah?" Joe looked at Raymond with a bit of sympathy but masked it knowing it won't do him any good.
Raymond's hands gripped the glass as hard as they could and he pressed his head onto it. This was fetching out of hand. He had no clue what to do. For the first time, he was lost when he did not want to be lost. He wanted a direction. Promptly.
Oh, how much he wished he had interrupted her that day at lunch!
It would have had solved everything. She would have been perfectly fine. She would have been happy. She wouldn't have been in the freaking hospital because of him. It. Was. His. Responsibility.
That day he had felt this nagging feeling to just stop her. But he had felt so distracted by her laughing self that before he could reckon what was going on-
"Alright that's it, I have talked to Trevor, you're out." Raymond heard Joe's voice. He turned his body to face him with a puzzled look.
"What?" Raymond said the word with absolute serenity, even though he felt like screaming and breaking every inch of this office.
"You definitely can't work like this, and even if you could, this is not good." Joe pointed him and the bottle of 'water' right there on his table.
"Do you think you fool me?" Joe raised an eyebrow.
"Are you my mother? Last time I heard, no!" Raymond knew he was not behaving like himself. But he wasn't himself at this moment. He didn't care to be himself.
"No, neither do I wanna be. You were a wild child!" Joe shook his head and made his way towards Raymond.
Joe was trying to put himself in Raymond shoes and understand him. Raymond was too consumed in guilt. And Joe couldn't configure the reason for it. Why, of course!
"You knew. Didn't you?" Joe huffed.
"What makes you think so?" Raymond just stared into the random abyss with nothing hinting his face. But things were clear to Joe now.
"You aren't angry at him. But yourself."
Raymond knitted his eyebrows and gulped another lump in his throat. Of course, he was furious at himself. It was absolutely obvious. Raymond flared as understanding washed over Joe. He always finds it out. Raymond doesn't even need to tell him anything. Bloody shrink.
"I feel like shit. The guilt is consuming me. I thought I could find him. Kill him with my own bare hands the moment I heard he ran from prison. And the-the day it all happened, I-"
"You knew he was out," Joe whispered.
"Yes. Hell, yes. It was the same day he got out. I knew she was in danger. I got a call that day when we were having lunch together. But I didn't know the moment he got out, the first thing he would do is-" Raymond picked up his bottle and took a huge gulp.
"Brother, it wasn't your fault." Joe held Raymond by his arms and bore his eyes into Raymond's lost ones. Joe felt heartbroken looking at Raymond like this. He looked the same way he did when...Joe needed to do something before Raymond did something wrong.
"Yes, it was my fault. Just like it was my fault to leave Laurel unattended." Raymond glared at the window. A tear escaped his eyes.
"No, no that was completely different, you can't go back there. You know how hard it was for you to get through that. And Emilia helped you so much."
"Without even knowing." Raymond chuckled a bit. All he had to do was think about her and a warm feeling encompassed around him. A feeling he wasn't worthy of.
"Exactly, don't let all her efforts go in vain. She won't like to see you like this." Joe put his hand on Raymond's face and made him look at him.
"Don't do this. Don't do this again. That pit was too deep to get out. Too dark. You can't go back there again." Joe shook his head.
"Joe, she was so good for me." Raymond's face twisted in agony.
"She is good for you, brother." Joe knew what was to come. And he had no idea how to stop it.
"I did this to her, I don't think I deserve to see her again." Raymond decided. Even though the mere thought of not seeing her again just made his heart want to escape this hollow body and trot back to her. Emilia was happiness. And he didn't deserve it or her anymore.
"No, no! Raymond Fernsby this is not right." Joe shook Raymond as if to knock some sense into him.
"What happened to her because of me was not right either." Raymond whispered his eyes scorched full of such profound anguish. Joe knew Raymond needed to get out of here.
"I don't believe you should be here. You need to get away from this place. Clear your head and think things through. Because right now you-you aren't yourself. Emilia can't see you like this. And this is not an option." Joe raised his eyebrows in concern.
"There is nothing to think about anymore, Joe." Raymond gave Joe a wry smile.
Joe couldn't accept to see the man of Raymond Fernsby falling apart and right in front of him.
"I have talked to Trevor and he agreed that you need a break." Joe nodded at Raymond when he stared at him blankly.
Raymond blinked at Joe and fought to control his urge to punch him.
"You think I am not capable of working." Raymond stated.
"No, Ray, that's not what I meant. All I said was-"
"Well, you have said enough, as it is. And fine, I don't want anything to do with this either." He shut the screen of his laptop, took his bottle and proceeded to leave the office.
This place.
He was done.
And he had decided.
He was getting out of there.
***
A/n: I hate winters. Summer please come back.
Are you a winter person? or summer? or spring? or an autumn person?
I prefer anything besides winter.
~Ria
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