Rivals 🌈 ✔

44 - Picking Sides

Raine pushed his knuckles against the brick wall and dragged them down. The rough stone scratched open the recently healed wounds. With his forehead, he leaned against the cold wall, hidden in the shadows of an alley. 

Juice. 

The sound of his name had ripped his heart from his chest. A heart of which he hadn't known it was still there. 

For weeks he had been trying to repress the man's face, but this time he failed. 

"He needs you, Raine."

Images flashed by. The panic attack in the elevator. The white room in which the man had climbed next to him on the hospital bed. His motionless body, bound to a chair. His bruised skin. 

The words that haunted him ever since he closed the front door of Juice's apartment. 

"You know what I was thinking about today? That I want to marry you."

He squeezed his eyes shut. Too late. Hot tears wrung through his eyelashes. 

Once again, he raged his knuckles down the stone. He shouldn't cry. This was his own fault. His brothers had been right. He was nothing but a disloyal dog. One who deserved to be beaten and kicked. 

Furiously, he wiped the tears from his cheeks. He was burning with self-loathe. 

He hated himself for what he had done to Juice. 

For what he was doing to his sister and foster kid. 

He knew he was behaving like a monster, but he failed to change. The rage was uncontrollable, showing itself in the most unexpected moments. There was no way to stop it; he lost control until he got exhausted and fell into a black abyss. 

He preferred to stay out of Sasha and Sammy's way so he could save his anger for other people. He welcomed their punches, the pain. But no pain was ever painful enough. It never outweighed the guilt pooling in his stomach. Guilt towards Juice. Towards his family. The ones who were still forced to live with him and the ones who looked down on him from heaven, their eyes full of disappointment. 

He was a failure. 

He didn't deserve a loving family, nor a boyfriend who wanted to give up everything for him. 

He deserved nothing but pain and tormenting memories. 

. . .

"This is how it goes every time," Sammy sighed, wiping the tears from her face. "Something broke inside him and I don't know how to help him."

Skye was all too familiar with that feeling. She sat down next to the girl on the couch and laid a hand on her knee. "Who is Phantom?"

"The Mayan prospect."

Skye frowned. What did he have to do with Juice? "Did Juice and he meet?"

Sammy nodded. "He's a hacker too. They tracked down Dad together."

Her friend had never mentioned the guy. Raine however made it sound like there had been something between both men. The least she could do was talk to him, she didn't have anything to lose anyway. 

"How can I contact him? I can't walk into the clubhouse; they saw me with the Sons in the hospital."

Sammy studied her face. "I can go there and tell them that I'm looking for my brother? That way, I could deliver a message to Phantom. But then what? What will you say to him?"

"I don't know." Sighing, Skye raked a hand through her hair. "But there must be a reason why Raine mentioned him." The Mayan had even sounded a bit jealous. Was Phantom interested in Juice? She knew Juice wasn't ready to date someone else within a few weeks, even when it might be the best way to get over a broken heart. And apart from that, she couldn't think of something more stupid than going after a Mayan again.