Rivals 🌈 ✔

18 - All Or Nothing

Many times, Juice thought back to that night. Actually, every moment he was lying in his bed. Then he could feel Raine's lips all over his body, even on places where they hadn't been. It was pathetic, but sometimes he hugged his blankets, pretending he was holding his friend. Even though weeks were passing by, the memories only seemed to become sharper.

It had indeed been a one-time thing. Somehow, they'd flipped a switch; they'd gone back to being just friends, with a friendly hug to greet or say goodbye at most – and also these had been less intimate than in the past. Whether it was self-protection or whether Raine didn't feel the need for more intimacy, was hard to tell. Raine might have told him that he was in love with him, but Juice still believed something had changed when he'd called himself a whore.

And there was more. Raine wasn't the same since his sister had died. He was exhausted – Juice saw it in his eyes all the time. All day long, he pretended to feel energetic, being positive to his younger sister and the little girl he needed to look after now. But once it was getting late, he looked pale and was moody. He was having a hard time, and Juice didn't know how to help him.

Giving him space had been a solution. They only saw each other two times a week, and they'd stopped texting each other every day. A distance was growing between them, of which Juice didn't know if it was a bad thing. Maybe it was better to demarcate his feelings – but at the same time, he missed the guy. No matter how long they didn't speak to each other, Juice thought about him every moment of the day.

Others started to notice too. Here and there people started to joke about his absent mind; it was Chibs who one day told him to put down his stuff and forced him into a conversation.

The man took him to a food stall on the edge of town. Juice didn't say much. He stared at the table top, nervous. He knew Chibs well enough to know he wouldn't let him leave, until he knew what was going on.

Oh – how much he wanted to tell Chibs the truth. He however, couldn't; he knew exactly what Chibs would tell him: that he couldn't see him again. It was something his head told him all the time – but his heart disagreed. That would break.

"Wha's goin' on with ye, lad?" Chibs started after ordering their lunch. "You're very distracted lately. Did your sister call ye? Is there a family problem?"

"No," he muttered, wishing lunch had been served so he'd have something to focus his attention on.

"Then, what is it? You need to talk about it, kid."

"I talked about it with Mouse."

Chibs shrugged his shoulders. "Guess it didn't work. Women think differently than us. Tell me wha's on yer mind, Juicy."

Juice swallowed. Skittishly, he looked up to Chibs.

The man radiated calmness, yet there was this determined look in his eyes; like the glance of a stern dad demanding an answer.

"It's nothing," he muttered. "It's just... I met someone."

Chibs' lips bent into a smirk; his scars making it look wider than it actually was. "A-ha! So yer in love, hmm?"

Juice's cheeks flushed, his hands felt clammy. Was that enough information?

"And? Are the feelings mutual?"

"Umm... I think they are." He was close to hugging the waitress in gratefulness when she put a glass of water in front of him. Quickly, he sipped from it.

"Well – that's nice, right? Why don't ye take the lass to a clubhouse party soon? Most ladies need a little time to get used to our lifestyle, but I'm sure ye two will work things out."