Rivals 🌈 ✔

53 - Anger

Anger spread through Raine's body like wildfire. 

That son of a bitch. 

For a moment there was a flash of pain, but a searing heat scorched it immediately. The past weeks, giving the anger free rein and letting it devour every other emotion had become a habit. Also this time, Raine allowed it eagerly. 

Knowing that his best friend betrayed him, was one thing. 

But feeling the betrayal. 

No. Not now. Not today. 

He simply refused to feel the pain. Esai could have his anger, that was all the bastard was worth. 

Raine's fingers cramped around the handlebars as he suddenly did a very sharp turn, by which his bike almost went down. 

Calm down. Before you end up on the shoulder. 

He slowed down. 

For a little while — for after five minutes, the speedometer passed the permitted speed again. Only when a red light escaped his attention and a truck rushed by right under his nose, he forced himself to put his bike on the side of the road and take a few deep breaths. His heart was slamming in his chest; he could still feel the air movement caused by the truck. 

That thing missed you by an inch, idiot. Calm the fuck down. 

He got down from his bike and took a few steps into the shoulder. His hands were shaking as he ran them across his face. It felt like his breath was stuck in his throat. 

Juice knew. Juice knew I didn't cheat on him and he said nothing about it. Not a single fucking word. 

If he couldn't even trust Juice — then who could he trust? 

How the fuck had everything gone to hell so quickly? 

By focusing on his breath, Raine tried to get a hold of himself again. Juice hadn't done this for no reason; he shouldn't jump to conclusions. But now Esai purposefully ruined him, he doubted everything and everyone. In some twisted way, his former best friend was even able to justify his actions to himself. Would Juice come up with stupid excuses too? He almost started to wish he'd never discovered the truth...

Don't be stupid. The thought that you were a cheater almost caused you an identity crisis. Whatever Juice's motives were — it's better than sleeping with a random club slut.

Raine took another deep breath and mounted his bike again. 

. . .

Juice wasn't home. 

Nor was Skye, so he couldn't get in. For a while, he kept sitting on his bike, until his muscles started to ache. Shoving his hands in his pockets he sauntered across the street, considering going to the Sons clubhouse. That's what the Old Ladies of the other Sons would do, right? Nevertheless, he refrained from doing it. He had no idea where a conversation with Juice would lead to, but he didn't want to make a scene with the other Sons around. 

Maybe he should just call him. 

Raine didn't know what was holding him back. Did he dread seeing him again? Was he secretly glad about every minute he didn't have to translate his feelings into words, in which he didn't have to explain what had happened today? 

He was still sifting through his thoughts when he heard the rumble of a bike. A Harley came closer and to his surprise, Raine felt nervous. 

It made no sense — he was never nervous.

And especially not around Juice. 

His boyfriend parked his bike next to Raine's and took off his helmet. "Hey," he greeted him, his face surprised. "I didn't know you were coming. Did I miss a text?" His hand moved to his pocket. 

"No."

Insecurity shimmered in Juice's eyes at the sound of his blunt answer. Raine didn't know whether he should be angry or whether he should forget about everything and pull him in his arms. To give himself some more time to figure it out, he lighted a cigarette. 

Juice looked him briefly in the eye before stepping closer to him. "You're mad."

"Yeah," he grumbled. 

"With me?"

Raine shrugged. "You tell me. I got a reason to be mad with you?"

Juice didn't avert his eyes but studied his face. "Not if I can help it."

"I know," he said in a gruff voice. "I know what Esai did. And that you knew about it."

Juice nodded slowly. "Yeah... I already hoped you would."

Raine clenched his jaw. How could he be so calm? "What do you mean, you hoped I would?!"

"I encouraged Phantom to tell Alvarez the truth." Juice crossed the distance between them and stood still in front of him. 

"Behind my back," Raine snapped. "Seriously — what the fuck, Juice?"

"If you hadn't given Phantom the feeling that you had turned into an insensitive asshole, he might have come to you," Juice answered. "But the past weeks you weren't exactly easily accessible, especially not when it came to me. You even barked at Mouse that I should date Phantom."

Raine felt his cheeks heat up. 

"I think we should be glad that he was bold enough to contact me. He felt awful about what Esai made him do, Raine, but he was also scared. After explaining everything to me, he begged me to keep it to myself because Esai would hurt him and kick him out of the club. What else was I supposed to do? Piss on it? That's not me. I searched for a solution that hurt as few people as possible. I would forgive you and tell you the truth when Phantom was in less danger. Lately you're so aggressive, I couldn't imagine you were able to pretend you didn't know the truth when you were around Esai. However, already after a few hours I figured I couldn't keep the truth from you since the lie made you suffer, and therefore, I was hoping that I could persuade Phantom into telling Alvarez the truth. That way, Esai would never know that Phantom talked to me and hopefully, that asshole of a friend of yours would get what he deserved."

Sure — Raine understood. Esai was a manipulative dick, and also Phantom's sponsor. Going to Juice had already been risky. Yet, it was hard to swallow that his boyfriend hadn't said anything; that he'd watched him struggle with his guilt. 

"Well, at least you're a good actor," Raine huffed. 

This time, Juice did avert his gaze. "It wasn't easy." He sighed. "But I'm glad the truth is finally out."

Raine snorted. He still didn't know what to feel. 

"I get why you're mad," Juice said. "Also with me. And believe me — I'm also mad at myself for not knowing a better solution than this. But Raine... It's just — I'm so done with this! I miss you. And I'm fucking glad that we're together again, but I still don't have you back. Not really. I just want to put this behind us." He moved his hands upwards, slipping them across Raine's kutte. "We both made mistakes, but more than anything we're both victims of a dirty trick. And I hate Esai for what he did to you — for what he did to us — and I refuse to let him stand between us a minute longer."

Juice's lips found his. 

Fuck Esai. 

The anger he felt for Juice crumbled at the touch of his lips. His boyfriend was right. They had suffered long enough. He was done with it. He just wanted to feel happy again and he knew it wouldn't happen as long as he was mad with Juice because of shitty decisions his boyfriend had to make of which Raine didn't even know what he would have done himself. 

His lips parted and Raine welcomed his lover's tongue. 

And finally, that devastating guilt stayed away.

. . .

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