Rivals 🌈 ✔

17 - Conflicts

Juice couldn't remember the last time he woke up in someone's arms. A little dazed, he stared at the muscular tattooed arm that was draped across his stomach, the knuckles resting on the mattress. Behind him, he heard a soft breathing slightly brushing his neck, causing goose bumps.

Snippets of memories of last night slowly seeped into his sleepy brain. He remembered how they'd kissed; not only their lips, also each other's upper bodies. His lips had even wandered across Raine's boxers; there had only been a very thin fabric between his mouth and his friend's dick. Other memories followed. His fingers wrapped around Raine; those of the man around him. Their groans, their panting. The passion in Raine's eyes when they were jerking each other off.

The memory made him feel so hot he wanted to throw away his blanket. He felt how Raine's body had shaped itself to his; his waist against his ass so he could feel the man's morning erection. His breathing sped up as he fantasized about being completely naked right now, and he wondered how it would feel to be filled by that beauty that had been in his hand last night. Immediately he felt ashamed of himself. He couldn't help it; there was just this negative association, it felt like fantasies like these were making less of a man of him. As if him being the one entering someone was the only wish that was permitted – and he didn't like that thought either, for it would feel like he would humiliate his friend.

Juice tried to shake off the thought.

It would never happen. Tonight had been a one-off thing; today, and all the days following, they would be just friends. Without benefits.

He closed his eyes again, allowing himself to enjoy Raine's embrace a little longer; his hand across his midriff, the cold rings against his flesh. He dozed off a bit, although he didn't fall asleep. Only when he felt lingering lips on his shoulder, he opened his eyes again.

"You're already awake, hmm?" Raine's voice sounded, hoarse with sleep.

"Kinda," Juice muttered. He turned around, regretting the movement when his friend took his arm away.

Was it over now? There was a growing emptiness in his chest. As he had turned himself to Raine, he didn't know what to do with his arm, eventually resting it on his own side.

"How do you feel?" Juice asked quietly.

He smiled a little sadly. "For a second, I felt a bizarre kind of happiness, when I realized I was lying here with you. Then I remembered yesterday." He sighed. "The funeral... It feels so surreal." Lifting his hand, his thumb lightly brushed the stubble on Juice's jaw. "How do you feel? About yesterday?"

He felt his cheeks turn flaming red and dropped his eyes. "I don't really know," he whispered. "I liked it," he forced himself to say. "I really did. Did you – did you like it too?"

"It was one of the hottest things I've ever done," Raine said, making his friend feel even hotter. Juice swallowed. "You make me so fucking gay." The Mayan chuckled, although he sounded a little tense. "You think we shouldn't have done it?" he asked softly. "Please look at me, baby."

Baby... He didn't like to be called like that by a man. Skittishly, he looked up.

"Do you regret what we did?"

"I don't know." There was a nasty, gnawing feeling in his stomach. He sat up straight. Suddenly, his head was a big mess. "I feel like a whore," he blurted out.

The words echoed through the room. He had no idea where that thought had come from and he certainly didn't know why he'd said that out loud. It however, did explain why he felt so nauseous and why the shame was burning deep inside him.

Raine said nothing, whilst he'd expected him to say something that would silence that stupid thought. Instead, he sat up straight too and stared at his knees.