Everlasting (Draco Malfoy x Reader)

Fallen in Love

By the time of return to Hogwarts, you'd found yourself isolating yourself more. Returning to Hogwarts and having no complete distraction, such as London itself, only caused you to become a wreck over Sirius. And plus, Draco having returned to his friendship group returned to spending time with them. And, as stupid and ridiculous as it seemed, Draco was the only one who somewhat shielded you from the terrors of Sirius' death. Hence your ability to laugh when you were with him all day everyday over the past couple of days back at Grimmauld Place. You knew that, perhaps, if you told Draco how you needed him and how much your happiness relied on him these days, he would probably drop everything and be with you. But that was simply not something you wanted to force him to do. He was not your slave - he was a free boy with his own life.

The first couple of days, you began to miss many lessons. Sometimes you would not turn up to the first one, sometimes you would already be in your bed for the last one. Sometimes you roamed the outside of Hogwarts freely, in the open air, with daunting thoughts, refusing to return to lesson. Many teachers knew of what happened and thus not many questioned your absence. Students, on the other hand, were very good at whispering. A whisper here or there: 'What's gotten into Potter?', 'of course she's being special', 'did you see? She was just wandering around like a lunatic.'

The more these whispers proceeded, the more Draco began to notice a pattern. The pattern proved itself true when he began to notice your absence during mealtimes and a general absence of your being in the school. You would often be either in your bed, feeling numb and like an absolute wreck, or you would be outside staring at the sky longingly, cursing God for having treated you in such a way. Some days, when it rained, you would sit on the damp ground, even in the mud, allowing the rain to seize your being. It would drip down your face, your hair, your entire body, and would often mingle with your tears.

"What have I done?" You whispered one afternoon, staring at the cloudy sky as the rain overcame you. "Why have you taken everyone away from me?"

Yet, no answer did you receive. Your mother, your father, your godfather. Who else? Was Harry next on the list? Was Hermione? Was Ron? Was ... Draco? Possibly. You really did begin to believe that all those people were next, and that you were going to remain alive forever, alone. The rain began to become more forceful, splitting the air through which it ran, hitting your scrunched face and scraping its way down your skin. There you sat, upon the mud within a field behind Hogwarts. Could students see you through the Hogwarts windows? Well, it did not matter much whether they could or couldn't.

"My only hope," you cried out again, sobbing heavily through the drips of rain, squinting your eyes from their force. "My only fucking hope!" And, with utmost force, you picked up the closest stick and threw it away into the distance. The terrible weather of mist prevented you from seeing how far it flew, but you cared very little anyhow.

Sirius' death was enough in itself, yet your tears were provoked by more feelings than one. Not only was it the sudden crumbling of your family, but also the harsh realisation of the fact that all along, Ginny had been right. There was at least some truth in her jokes that you had feelings for Draco Malfoy. Your heavy reliance on him proved it. You simply could not picture yourself without him, and the knowledge that one day, you would have to let him go and let him live his life happily with someone else - goodness, it destroyed you! The harsh truth of reality had become nothing but pain and suffering. How were you to express yourself to the boy who you had developed feelings for, someone like Draco Malfoy, when to him you believed yourself to be but a girl who he enjoyed simply fucking, and occasionally spoke to her about other matters? You had grown so attached, so dependent, on this boy, that the mere thought of a separation with him was the final layer of suffering.

All you could think back to were all the nights you snuck around, all the mornings you woke up next to each other, all the laughter and jokes which you'd exchanged. At Grimmauld Place, it had become evidently so clear to you. Who were you kidding to say that Draco Malfoy was just a friend? Just a boy? The thought of him going off with someone else was the equivalent to torture to you. That was not friendship; you had, after all, after all the promises that you wouldn't - you had developed feelings for him.