Only for you

6 - The show must go on

Jennie

It warms my heart that my new single SOLO was well received by the public. What makes it more especial is the management letting me have full control on this single. All the grueling dance practice and lack of sleep to make every lyric mean something was worth it. The awards, nomination, all the records that this song achieved was a bonus and I'm happy for that. What matters to me is to see the happy faces of my fans and the people behind this to make it a success.

"Jendeuk, be ready you're up next." Jisoo said and fix some of the stuff for me.

"I'm ready unnie." I stand up from the chair and take a final look at myself in the mirror.

We're here in SBS Inkigayo for pre-recording of my performance for this song. Chaeng is here also, she took a leave of absence for today just to show her support and help Jisoo with her job.

"You look amazing unnie." praise Chaeng, with her cheeky smile while doing a circle around me for the final check.

"Thank you guys, you're the best." I hug both of them and move my ass.

"No worries unnie." Chaeng said.

"Jen, before you go to the stage CEO Yang is here, he want a word with you." My heart suddenly beat faster.

Jisoo sense my internal panic. "Hey, whatever he tells you, you're going to let me know. And we will figure it out, okay?"

I nod nervously, and start to walk to the direction Jisoo told me where Mr. Yang is. I hate talking to him or better put it, I hate him in general. He knows he has power over me, even if I am protected by Lisa, I just know I am not that safe.

"Jennie."

I was snapped at my thoughts when I heard his voice. I didn't realise that he was in front of me which made me bump into his body and lose my footing, his quick to help me not fall down, but not too quick because I twist my ankle again and I wince in pain.

He noticed my discomfort, so he guided me to sit down near the chairs and he sat down beside me.

"You need to look at your direction, so you will stop getting injuries." He strictly said.

"I'm sorry CEO Yang." I agreed with him as much as I wanted to slap his face.

"... You asked for me?" I continue.

"Yes, because I want to show you something and give you a task." My brows furrow to what I've just heard. I look at him while he is getting his phone from his pocket.

"Jennie as you and I know, you are Sugar Baby of Lisa that somehow gives you privileged." That sting, but I need to keep my bitch face.

"I'm fully aware of that."

"Not fully aware that you are owned by YG before you are owned by her." He bitterly said and looked at me dead in the eye.

"So I want to remind you of that." I saw him unlock his phone and find something with it, he then handed me the device with the video.

I look at him confused.I really don't need some bullshit right now, as my performance is just about a matter of minutes.

"Play the video, I want you to see it with your own eyes." He continued.

I did what I was told, and my body froze when I realise that it was Lisa with a girl. It looks like she's in a VIP room in a bar. The girl was on her lap and she's kissing Lisa. My heart broke into pieces when she responded to the kiss. I close my eyes trying to erase it in my mind. I open them again and look at the video. This is just recently because of her built and it is the current hairstyle that Lisa has.

I give back the phone with the person beside me. I'm trying hard to prevent my tears from falling. I don't want him to see me broken. I won't give that satisfaction to him. I let out my breath to compose myself. And I try to wear my bitch face again.

When I raise my eyes on him, his looking at me intently with a smirk on his face.

"What are you trying to point out?"

"That you are replaceable, and there are a lot of girls, fresh and young that could take your place easily." He mockingly said.

"That girl in the video, is my little present for Lisa for being my business partner. Just like you, when she initiates her interest at you in exchange of starting a new business with me."

I'm lost of words, what can I possibly say with that. He is just telling the fucking truth.

"About the media play, I want you to do it, but don't ever tell this to your manager or Lisa, because if you do. I will make sure that no record label will accept you after I dump you together with your manager."

My jaw tightens, my anger is building inside my chest and so as the pain. I felt betrayed. I thought that it was just me this time around, but I guess old habits die hard. She's Lisa she can have whoever she wants whenever she wants to.

"Fix yourself, it is time for your performance." He said and left with a satisfied smile on his face.

I remain seated, the video I just watched keep on playing in my head. The way Lisa kisses that girl wearing the suit I gave to her as a birthday present from last year. Did she fuck her, and fuck me at the same night?

I'm breathing in and out, trying to calm myself, trying to prevent tears from falling, swallowing hard to remove the lump in my throat.

"Jendeuk, it's time." I was startled when Jisoo called me with Chaeng beside her.

They get closer to me, eyeing me trying to figure out what has happened.

I give them a smile, trying to make it convincing.

"Sorry, unnie I was just resting I twisted my ankle again." I reason out just to justify whatever look I have in my face.

"Jen, are you okay?" Jisoo hold my shoulder and keeps on staring at me. Why are they staring? I don't like that kind of look they're giving me.

"I'm okay, come on I need to ace this performance." I said, making my voice a little cheerful.

They walk with me to the stage, Jisoo apologise to the crew in the studio because of the delay that I've caused.

I'm looking at Jisoo's face. She works hard and always shows up. After three years of training with her, she decided to stop. She told me that she didn't see herself being fulfilled if she ever become an idol, a couple of months passed the three of us meet again and there she told me and Chaeng, she finally found what she wanted to see herself doing as she grow old. 'I want to be part of the journey, I will protect idols to the best I can'. Her eyes are sparkling when she said those words, then afterwards she asked me to give her a chance to manage me when I make it.

I don't think I can afford to ruin her dream, I don't want to take away the satisfaction to her eyes whenever I performed. She's just trapped in between my situation, she doesn't deserve to suffer with me. I know I should tell her, but I also know what Mr. Yang is capable of. I may be safe because Lisa won't let him ruin me. But what about her? She loves what she do.

"Hey, unnie, Jisoo's calling you." Chaeng yanked my hand.

I apologise to her and move myself towards the stage. I need to bring myself into this. I can't mess up right now. The people will be watching and I need to give my best. I'm trying to ignore the pain in my ankle and in my heart.

I put a smile on my face and tried to look unbothered. I apologise to the dance crew who's waiting for me. I will nail this, this is where I'm good at.

The music starts, and I pretend. I'm good at pretending too, I've mastered it for years. I dance and sing without missing any note and step, giving facial expression that is suited for the song. I let myself lose on this performance, this song is for you Lisa.

I just wish I can tell you these words in your face, but I'm a coward and too fucking in love with you despite all the pain I need to endure loving you.

The song ended and the faces of the people watching me were so happy and I can see their satisfaction in their expression.