Only for you

16 - What makes you love her?

Jennie

"I'm just wondering why you only schedule me for this therapy?"

It is my first session alone though technically this is supposed to be the second one, but for some reason Linda only gave me a schedule. Linda is our therapist, she was referred by my close friend Chaehee. Lisa and I already had our first session with her. Basically both of us filled her with the important parts of our relationship, including our agreement as Sugar Daddy and Sugar Baby, how it started, how it is going so far.

"Well because this time will be focused on you." Linda said, and gave me a smile.

My forehead wrinkled with confusion. I thought this therapy would be done together with my partner to make our relationship strong.

"I know this may be confusing, but the reason I want you to be alone with this session. Is for you to freely talked, about your struggles, what you've felt throughout those years and how did you cope with it." Linda continued.

I was lost.

Freely talked about everything.

It keeps repeating inside my head. I heard the woman in front of me chuckled. I looked at her and saw that she's jotting down something.

"I can see that you can't come up with anything. As I observed when I met the two of you, and when you talked about your relationship. You are hesitant and the majority of the time you let Lisa speak." Linda said.

"It is because, I really have nothing to say other than the part that I could remember." I defended myself. Linda again takes notes.

"In the industry that you two are associated, your part is to mainly absorb. As far as I know, the majority of idols are prohibited to express their own opinion about things even if it involves them. That's why you let Lisa speak, because her part in the industry is to make decisions." Linda explained and gave me a timid smile.

"Linda, I can't see the importance for me to go back with those times. I mean don't get me wrong but I want to forget things from the past, especially if they are unpleasant." I saw her write something down again and it starting to bother me.

"Don't worry, I am just taking notes about my observation based on your answers." She explained as if she could read what's on my mind. I just nodded.

"Jennie, the importance of this session, is for you to let yourself feel and express. Things tend to go super fast especially in your case. You can't really enjoy your victorious moments because you're scheduled to do this and that, and based on what you've said and what I observed you tend to shrug off the things that hurt you and let yourself drown with your errands." Linda said setting aside her notes and looking at me intently.

I was stunned at what she blurted out. I really don't know what to say, I think it caught me off guard. I'm trying to think hard about the relevance of going back.

"Things from the past can also haunt you, and it could potentially damage your future cause you never deal with them. You and Lisa want to make your relationship work. But you know one of the keys to have a healthy and lasting relationship...it starts with you. But how can you contribute to build that foundation if you are not in good shape?" Linda continued, she then handed me the tissue box, my brows knitted.

Silence.

"Wiped your tears, and maybe we could start again?" Linda gave me a friendly smile. I touch my cheek. It is wet, I never realise that I was crying. I apologise for it but Linda told me it's okay. Then we proceed to our session.

________

My mind is spun
I've had enough
Feels like I'm burning down the flames rise up
And I can't tell what's coming next
Feels life is like a game of roulette