Only for you

25 - The dark side of fame

Jennie

I'm here at YG, we just finished a long discussion about my comeback. As soon they dismissed the meeting, I dash out to leave the place, because all I could think of is to go home. It's been more than a week since I got back to my usual routine as an idol, but the funny thing is, I didn't missed any of it. I can also say I don't enjoy my time staying at the studio, practising some moves and putting notes to the songs I made. I slam the door of the car and instruct Jin to take me home as fast as he can. There are two cars that tailed on me. Those are the bodyguards that Lisa appointed for my safety aside from the one sitting next to Jin. We are blocked by the fans and paparazzi waiting outside the building, so we are force to a sudden stop and wait for the guards to wave them to make way for us.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, holding it for a little longer to calm myself. Everytime I see this kind of scene it triggers my anxiety. Good thing, I know how to properly approach this kind of situation. At some aspect I think the extra therapy I scheduled for myself aside from the one that me and Lisa attend, helps. After several minutes we are able to move and more than an hour we reached our house.

I headed directly to our room, once I closed the door. I remove my shoes and leave them messy at the side of the door, threw my bag on the nearest chair and plopped down on the bed face first. I feel like my energy was drained.

If I'm being honest, I'm like a zombie going to YG without my mind on what I used to do before. In fact, I couldn't find it in my heart if I really want a comeback. During this time off, and with all the things that went down. It made me think about the lifestyle I lived before, and for sure if I pursue going back to the limelight, there's a higher possibility I couldn't continue doing the things I currently enjoy, stuff that I want to have in the present times and hopefully for the future too.

I let out a loud sign, and decided to call Lisa. I need my happy pill. I stood up and got my phone in the bag. I dialed her number and after three rings, she picked up.

"Hello, Honey." I heard her giggle.

"I assume you miss me so bad, because you didn't wake me up before you go." Lisa said, with a hint of cheerfulness on her voice.

"Hmm yeah, I kinda miss my big baby." I teased, she chuckled.

"Same here, Honey. You've been busy for quite a while now. I miss your surprise visit, bringing my favourite dish." Lisa makes her voice sound like a baby at the end of her sentence. I find cute, cause she only acts like that with me.

"With you saying that, gives me the idea that you haven't eaten yet." My brows knitted thinking she lost track of time again and forgot to eat.

"Nope, your chipmunk friend here ordered food and threatened me if I didn't eat it right away, she will finish it all." Lisa said giggling.

As we move forward, things are getting better. Lisa's becoming more of herself, letting me see the side of her that I never knew she has, and it makes me feel special. Also, my trust with Lisa has gotten stronger each day. I am more comfortable in our relationship.

"Hey, still there?" Lisa asked, snapping me from my thoughts.

"Y-yes, sorry I just thought of something. But anyway I just want to ask if we could go for a walk after your work?" I asked. I hope it comes out normal and she didn't catch the sadness in my voice.

"I'll go now." Lisa said firmly.

"No, I can- "

"Honey, I will go now and see you, because I can't stand you pretending you're okay, when clearly you're not. So please wear something warm and wait for me." Lisa used her commanding voice, and I know this conversation is over.