Rivals 🌈 ✔

42 - Falling Apart

Hesitating, Juice laid a hand on his lower back as he stepped closer. "Are you okay?"

"No." Raine's voice was trembling. "I — I gotta tell you something."

Juice took a deep breath. Stay calm. Stay calm. "Okay," he murmured.

He didn't dare to take Raine's hand. Nervously he glanced at Mouse, who lowered her crochet with a worried look on her face. She studied them for a moment before she stood up quietly and slipped into her bedroom so Raine and he could talk at the table or on the couch. He chose the sofa, even though Raine hadn't touched him at all. He wondered if he was stuck in his own little world or if his distance had something to do with him.

"You want something to drink?" Juice suggested as Raine sat down next to him.

"No, thanks."

He sounded hoarse as if he hadn't drunk in hours. Anxiously, Juice waited until he started to talk.

"I don't know how to tell you this," Raine started eventually. He bent his head. His fingers were shaking. Juice wanted to take his hands in his, but Raine pulled away.

A crack shot through his heart. "What's — what's going on?"

Had Raine come to break up with him? Did he no longer love him? Suddenly, it felt like the walls were closing in. His breathing blared in his ears. Raine didn't try to calm him down; he didn't even seem to notice.

"I slept with someone else."

With a bang, the walls crashed against him. The pain was merciless.

"W-what?" he heard himself stammer.

He stared in disbelief at his boyfriend. How was that possible? Why would he do that? Was it — was it because they hadn't done it yet? But it had been Raine who suggested to wait. If he — if he had known Raine wanted to have sex so badly that he would go to someone else, then...

"Esai wanted to hang out yesterday. We played some hoops and in the end, he convinced me to go to the clubhouse. I had some beers — well, more than some. I don't remember anything, but I — I woke up next to a girl." A tear slipped down his cheek. Excruciatingly slowly. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't — I don't understand how I could have done this."

Juice wasn't able to utter a single word. All he heard was a noise in his head. He could barely breathe, no matter how many gulps of air he sucked in.

It was a lie. Raine would never... He would never...

He bent forward, holding his head in his hands, his fingernails pressing deep in his scalp.

Suddenly, everything collapsed. The life he'd wanted to exchange for the club life, it was all gone. Through a blur of tears, he looked at Raine, or at least that was what he was trying.

He couldn't see a damn thing.

Was it — was it over now?

A slipup could happen. But Raine and him — he'd thought it was something special, something unique. It never crossed his mind to jump into bed with someone else.

"Do you want me to go?" Raine asked quietly. "I — I don't know what more I can say. I barely realize it myself. I... I just woke up next to her and... I'm so sorry, Juice."

"Why didn't you tell me you couldn't live without sex any longer?" asked Juice and he wiped his eyes. "If I knew that... that you..."

"It's not like that," Raine answered in a defeated voice. "I was so drunk that I had no idea what I was doing. And I know it's not an excuse — but it's not like I couldn't keep it in my pants any longer. Since I fell in love with you, I never cared about anyone else."

"Yeah, I can see that," Juice answered bitterly.

Raine bent his head. There were a few spots on his jeans, coming from his tears.

What should he do now? Forgive him? He didn't want to lose Raine, but he neither wanted to be with someone who cheated on him. He had wanted to give up everything for Raine. And Raine... Raine couldn't even be faithful.

"I'm sorry," Raine said once more. "I — I think I should go."

Juice shrugged. All of this was so unexpected. He didn't know what to think, what to feel. He wanted to hide under the blankets like a little child, pretending this had never happened.

He had no idea if Raine said anything else; he didn't notice him leaving until the door fell shut. Only then, the tears leaked down his cheeks, although he couldn't fully comprehend that he had really lost Raine.

He didn't move when two arms slipped around him.

"What happened, baby?"

At the sound of Skye's calm voice, he melted into her embrace. His shoulders started to shake. "He — he cheated on me, Mouse," he whispered. "So — so it's over."

His voice was shaking. His whole body was shaking.

"Oh baby..." She tightened her arms around him. "How is that possible?"

"I don't know," he sobbed. "I don't know anything anymore. Everything... Everything just falls apart."

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