Always and Forever

Chapter 11: Pain

CLARKE POV
My mom wakes me up panicking. I open my eyes and I see her rushing with first aid kit and Marcus bringing towels and water. I look at them confused.

Me: What's going on?

Abby: What do you mean? Why are you bleeding?

Suddenly, I remember everything that happened yesterday. How I hurt Lexa. How I lost her. I cry. My mom pulled me into a tight hug.

Abby: What happened sweetheart?

Marcus: Do i need to kill someone?

I chuckle at Marcus' comment. He's making it light, not overstepping 'dad' boundaries and I like it.

Me: No, it's nothing like that. Something just happened at school yesterday.

Abby: Which includes bleeding yourself to sleep? I'm going to have a talk with principal Jaha.

Marcus: you're mom is right, Clarke. What happened? Do i have to bring in a lawyer? Just tell me.

Me: No, no. Nothing really. It's just that...

I think if I should tell them. I know if i do, mom will freak out and definitely go talk to the principal. I also thought, what if Marcus doesn't know it too? Maybe he will leave me and mom too.

Marcus: Clarke, whatever it is. You can tell your mom and I. I can go if you want me to, if you're not comfortable with me here.

Me: No, no. Stay. You need to hear it too.

I pause for a while. Marcus grabs a chair and sit beside me while mom starts cleaning my wounds.

Me: Yesterday started as a good day for me. I was excited go to to school. More excited than before. I found someone who makes me happy. I planned on asking her on a date yesterday but things got bad before I had the chance.

I swallow real hard and breathed.

Me: You remember Cage, mom?

Abby: That stupid prick who got himself suspended when he beat you? Did he do this to you?

Marcus: What?! He did what?! I'm going to...

Me: Calm down you two...

They composed themselves and I continued telling what happened.

Me: So, like mom said, Cage got suspended. Yesterday, he was back. Trying to threaten me again. But he said he didn't want to be suspended again or expelled. So he backed out. When it was lunch time, I see all eyes on me and students were mumbling. I look at the deliquents and they look worried. I try to look at the person I like, and she was looking down. I went to talk to her, and she just moved and left. I didn't care about anything, just her. I asked what's happening and Raven showed me a photo of me with my 'you know'.

I look at Marcus nervously.

Marcus: I know Clarke. Your mom told me the 1st time we dated. I am not judging you. You are who you are. I still love you.

I tear up hearing what Marcus said. He loves me for me. I nod and continued.

Me: So after Raven showed me the photo, I went to look for her. But she was nowhere to be found. I got mad, not at her, not at Cage. But to myself. For not being openly proud of it. The delinquents know but the person important to me doesn't. I know she felt betrayed. I lost her before I even get to have her. I just brokedown and transfered my anger by punching walls and lockers. I didn't feel pain. I felt my heart shatter for losing her.