Cookie

24

For me and my family, Christmas was always a special holiday, even if all of my grandparents died when I and Criss were very little and we didn't have relatives that would come to visit us, my parents still loved this period and made it always very special for us. Usually, on Christmas Eve my mom would make us wear those ugly Christmas sweaters, eat a very special dinner, open up our gifts and then go caroling around the neighborhood. We would go to bed around morning and wake up late to watch a movie with the entire family and close friends, before having another dinner, this time not just us, but with all of our friends. 

The tradition changed when we had our first Christmas without Criss, no one felt like celebrating anymore, and even if we had a tree, bought gifts for each other, and had a family dinner, it didn't felt like celebrating, it was more grieving than anything else. 

We miss Criss much more around this time of the year, the house feels empty without her, but somehow I feel her so much closer like I could still hear her laughter around the house. Because my parents saw the good progress I had this year, they decided to give me a little more normal Christmas now.

We were not ready to have a real Christmas party, but we didn't felt like having another dinner just all three of us because we would have ended up crying. So mom invited Liam's family over to have a nice dinner together because now our families are super close too, not just Liam and me. Our parents go out all the time, we have dinner all of us at least twice a month and it's weird as hell for me and Liam, but I am kind of happy to see my parents having friends and having fun again. 

"May I come in? "

I hear mom's sweet voice as I was walking out of the shower getting ready for dinner. She comes into my room wearing a beautiful white dress with long sleeves and white shoes with a 5-inch heel. Her blonde hair is straightened up framing her face, she wears the tiniest amount of makeup. Dad always says that mom looks best natural, without makeup, and I tend to agree with him on that one. 

"Mom, you look amazing," I say smiling at her.

Everyone should be here in like 5 minutes and I am still wearing only my underwear under the robe. Guess who's going to be late?

"Honey, I wanted to give you your Christmas gifts now so you could wear them tonight."

I didn't even notice the big gift bags in her hand until she extends her arm to give them to me with a huge smile on her face as I take the presents from her hands.

"I know it's not your usual style, Nataly, but when I saw it in the shop I thought it was designed just for you."

"Thank you, mom!"

I say before she starts walking towards the door when I started to open the gift. 

"Nataly, I love you," she says turning to face me with watery eyes. "I love you and I am proud of how strong you were ever since Criss died and I am also proud of you because these couple of months you started to live your own life. "

Tears start falling down my cheeks as I hear her words and we end up both crying as we look at each other. I head to where she is hugging her and kissing her warm cheeks, she wraps her arms around me.

"I love you too, mom! I am so sorry you had to lose Criss, mom, I wish I could trade places with h... " I start saying, but she stops me, pulling me away from her body, but keeping her hands on my shoulders as she looks into my eyes speaking. 

"Nataly, I love Criss with all my heart, but there is not even the tiniest part of me that wishes to have her alive instead of you, do you understand? "

She cries her mascara running down her cheeks, but I don't care, she's still the most beautiful person in the world for me. I hug her again enjoying the warmth of her body, her soft voice, and her familiar vanilla scent.