Show me the way

XXVIII: One-sided reunion

Shizuka was nervous. He didn't think he had been still ever since the moment the news arrived that Jiraya was in town. Even now he didn't know what to do with himself as he stood in the Hokage's office waiting for the only man that had ever been like a father to him. Sure, Kakashi had been his sensei as well, but Jiraya had taken custody of him for three years and Naruto had never before spent so much time with an adult that was taking care of him in his life. It might not have been perfect, but it was precious time spent together and their bond had been strong enough that Naruto felt the exact moment Jiraya... had died...

Shizuka swallowed, switching his weight to his other hip once again, and proceeded to fidget with his braid, absentmindedly tugging at the loose strands sticking out and messing it up more and more.

He felt Kakashi glance at him from time to time. His nervousness was probably all too visible, but he couldn't help it.

A soft rustling sound near the window nearly made him jump, but it appeared only Shizuka had heard it. A moment later a bird flew away, drawing a silent nervous chuckle from Shizuka. His senses were too sensitive right now. Even the bustling in the streets below was almost deafening. "Shizuka, you seem a bit nervous..." Shizuka rolled his eyes at the obvious understatement from Kakashi, but the remark did manage to break his fixation. He gave a quick grin to Kakashi before taking a deep breath in an attempt to settle himself.

He was so preoccupied with his own nerves and so strongly expecting that Jiraya would enter through the window as he had done so many times before that Shizuka almost missed the door opening behind him.

The click of the handle being pushed down made him grab Kakashi's sleeve as he looked at the door like a deer caught in the headlights. If he had a voice, he would have probably squealed or produced a similarly brave sound.

Sarutobi, knowing why Shizuka was this nervous, felt himself torn between feeling sorry for Shizuka and being entertained by his behaviour. It wasn't that often that people were so off-guard and informal in his office and actually showing emotions was even rarer. He appreciated the change of pace Shizuka brought, and that he seemed to inspire Kakashi to be more relaxed too.

Sarutobi did not, however, expect the silent yet present man to actually cower behind Kakashi when he saw Jiraya step into sight, but that was exactly what Shizuka did.

Shizuka only glanced at Jiraya before ducking behind Kakashi. This was a little too confrontational. Okay, maybe a lot. Jiraya looked exactly like he remembered. Down to the clothing and the items on his back. More so than anyone else he had met in this time. At least for most faces, Shizuka had seen them older, had been able to see the clear differences age brought, but Jiraya... Jiraya was unchanged from his last memory and Shizuka found himself almost unable to process this all.

Shizuka gripped Kakashi's clothing and closed his eyes, leaning his head against Kakashi's shoulder. He felt weak for cowering like this, but he needed time to wait out the onslaught of memories and feelings. He had expected them, but apparently, he was not prepared. Kakashi reached backwards and offered his hand as a point of support to Shizuka. It took but a moment for Shizuka to grab hold as he further tried to calm himself.

"Uhm... Is he alright..?" Jiraya asked, seeing the near panic attack Shizuka was having behind Kakashi. He pointed towards Shizuka while looking at Sarutobi.

"He will be, probably. In the meantime, let's start this discussion. Kakashi and Shizuka have scouted ahead and made a contact like I have briefed you on before. Now, Shizuka has some additional information for us. As soon as he is able to provide us with this information, we will be able to continue." The Hokage almost smirked as he said the last part, and smiled when he saw Shizuka glare at him from behind Kakashi.

"Well, I'd like some more information, actually hear it from the source once we get there, preferably. Kakashi, can you fill me in on this contact of yours. Frankly, I'm surprised I haven't picked up on any of this with my network." He laughed at the end of it and turned his attention to Kakashi. He was still trying to get a good look at the man behind Kakashi, but it seemed he was beyond reason at this point.

Kakashi nodded. "His name is Utasashi Shimuro. He is..." Shizuka winced behind Kakashi, and let go of Kakashi's hand. He finally revealed himself to Jiraya with a small wave and a nervous smile. Shizuka still avoided looking directly at the man; there would be enough time for that during the mission, along with sorting out his blustering emotions. Kakashi turned around so he was facing Shizuka as well. Worry was written on his face, but he got quiet for now.

'He's dead.' The first thing he said to Jiraya, and it was to proclaim someone dead. Great. Along with his pathetic behaviour, he was leaving a grand first impression.

"What?" Kakashi and Jiraya said at the same time. 'Yeah... I killed him.' His eyes shot to Kakashi for a second, a little guilty, before he dared to look at Jiraya. It was just a moment, but that moment was all it took for Shizuka to break completely. It hurt so badly to look at Jiraya and not see the familiar warmth Jiraya used to have in his eyes for Naruto. He was a stranger to Jiraya. Jiraya was such a dearly precious bond to him, but Jiraya didn't even know Shizuka, didn't even know Naruto at this point in time. He couldn't be farther away from his godfather even while standing this close to him. It was like looking at a ghost, a corporal manifestation, but a cold one that was empty and it hurt so badly. It brought tears to his eyes and his breathing felt actually constricted.

Shizuka took a shallow breath in and quickly released it, looking down as he sought something to collect himself with. This wasn't going as he expected. Shizuka had really expected to have a little more control over himself at this point, but it took all of him right now not to disappear. He was a coward. All he wanted to do right now was run away and hide.

"That's is a bit much, isn't it? I'm not that scary." Jiraya said, scratching his neck as he looked at Shizuka's reaction. Kakashi stepped towards Shizuka and wrapped his arms around Shizuka's neck, providing a place where Shizuka could hide for a while, while Kakashi muttered sweet nothings to him in an attempt to soothe Shizuka. Shizuka grabbed Kakashi's shirt and gratefully made use of the moment of respite offered. In and out, just keep breathing.

"Well, he does know you, after all, so maybe it's perfectly sanctioned." Sarutobi said, again supressing a smirk. Jiraya looked at him like he sprouted another head and Kakashi with interest. Maybe he'd get to hear more about Shizuka.

"What do you mean? With an appearance like that, I'm sure I would have remembered him." Jiraya turned to give Shizuka a once over again, this time while raking his brain to see if there was any familiarity at all. "Is he an Uzumaki? The red hair is familiar... And his face reminds me of Kushina's..."

Sarutobi sighed and looked at Shizuka. He didn't want to release any information until he was sure Shizuka was in agreement with him. Kakashi pulled his arms back a bit and nudged Shizuka so he would focus on the old man, at least for a little. "Is it alright to brief them both on your situation?" Shizuka blinked, then glanced between Kakashi and Jiraya, then back at the Hokage and then he looked down. He did want them to know, to understand, but at the same time, would he still be accepted? Or would they see him for what he was, an intruder in their time? He didn't belong here, after all...

He looked at Kakashi again, guilt on his face for doubting for so long to answer. He did trust Kakashi, so he should trust Kakashi with this as well.

"Shizuka. It would make a lot of things easier if they knew." Sarutobi added. Shizuka looked at Sarutobi again, still a look of fright in his eyes, but rimmed with determination. He swallowed, but he did manage a nod. A simple gesture that could condemn him as much as it could set him free at this moment.

Sarutobi nodded and turned his attention to the other two men in the room. "Shizuka is from the future..."

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