Show me the way

XXI: Trust

It was a quaint little town and it offered little help to the two worn-out Shinobi who suddenly appeared. The local doctor tended to Shizuka but almost seemed unwilling to do so. He was not a medical Ninja, so the prodding and setting were done manually, leaving Shizuka's body to heal further on his own.

They stayed at an inn for the night, the only place in the village that offered any kind of respite for weary travellers. It was as quaint as the rest of the town, traditionally decorated and furnished. It was cosy and if it weren't for the sealed bodies and bottled blood he was carrying, Shizuka wouldn't have minded staying for a while.

He held up the pink liquid to the dim light in their room, watching it swirl within the bottle as though it was alive. In a way, it was and that made it mesmerising, but Shizuka didn't want to dwell on that thought. It was... weird to carry the bottle, knowing the meaning behind it. He swirled it again, watching the liquid move around itself. It almost looked like there was glitter in the bottle, dancing around playfully.

"What's in the bottle?" Kakashi asked, interrupting his musings. He blinked and looked at Kakashi, then let a small smile settle on his lips. 'A solution.' He left it at that and tucked the bottle away again. It wasn't like he could adequately explain through sign language anyway.

"Alright..." Kakashi said, sounding a bit disappointed. Shizuka looked at him quizzically, wondering what was bothering his white-haired companion. "What?" Kakashi asked.

Shizuka stepped a bit closer and kept looking intently at Kakashi. Kakashi silently looked back for a moment.

"There's nothing." Kakashi said, but Shizuka didn't step down. He cocked his head and frowned a bit, still not breaking eye contact.

For another moment Kakashi stared back at him before he gave up. "Fine. You want to know what's bothering me? You asked me if I trusted you and I do. But sometimes you make me feel like you don't trust me." He said, surprising Shizuka with the calm, but agitated sound in his voice. "A lot of things have happened since I met you that don't make any sense and even you yourself don't make sense. I just wished you trusted me enough to tell me more. Even just small personal things, whatever you can. I don't mind what it is as long as you tell me something." It was a plea, desperate and honest. Shizuka dropped his shoulder. He knew he had been unfair. Kakashi had shared about himself, yet Shizuka had not revealed anything. He looked away, feeling guilty. There had been a few chances to reveal bits about himself, shards vague enough to not reveal anything of importance, but he never let them go in fear of Kakashi's judgement.

Kakashi gently placed his fingers underneath his chin, asking for Shizuka to give him his attention back. "Shizuka, you're an enigma and I want to figure you out. But you'll need to trust me and let me in. Would you let me? Please?" Shizuka wanted to, but what was there to say? How much could he tell without revealing too much? Sarutobi needed to give Kakashi clearance, that would give possibilities, but would the old man give that? Maybe it was his own stubbornness that was locking Kakashi out and he just needed to give in a little more.

His answer took too long. He saw the hurt bloom in Kakashi's eye that left a lump in his throat. "Is it that hard?" Kakashi asked, sounding a little defeated. Shizuka's eyes widened and he shook his head immediately. He swallowed and sought eye contact once more. 'It's not that I don't trust you, it's that there is a lot I can't tell you yet. There will be a time I can tell you everything, but that time is yet to come.' Shizuka closed his eyes for a moment, collecting his thoughts. He didn't want to leave Kakashi hurting, but also wouldn't know where to begin to adhere to the request. 'I can tell you a few things about me, but it won't be a happy tale... If you want to hear it?'

"Of course I do. I want to know everything I can about you." Kakashi answered, stepping closer and moving his hand to cup Shizuka's cheek, but before he did, he balled his hand and dropped it again. Instead, he motioned to the table with a smile. "Let's sit down, okay?"

Shizuka nodded and sat down with Kakashi. Not knowing where to begin he looked at Kakashi for guidance and realised something that left a soft smile on his lips. For as long as he had known Kakashi, he had always looked to Kakashi for guidance. There were times when Naruto did not get what he needed, but Kakashi had always been the person he sought out for guidance. "What are you smiling at?"

Shizuka smiled at Kakashi again and shrugged. 'You remind me of my Sensei. He was a good man.' It went natural from there on out. Shizuka still didn't give a lot of details, but the conversation flowed between them almost as easily as the silence had done time and time before. They tethered on subjects that were significant, but at the same time regular and ordinary. His favourite places, favourite foods, his friends, family and childhood.

The boundary of the mundane was only crossed when Shizuka told about his loss of everything and everyone. He didn't linger on the subject long and instead prodded Kakashi to do the same and tell short stories as well in an attempt to steer away from the heavy guilt that still followed him. And the grief. His hands were shaking badly now, from the emotions swirling in his mind.

"When or where was this? You are too young to have been part of the Third Shinobi War like that, aren't you?" Kakashi asked, a little confused over the timeline Shizuka seemed to follow.

Shizuka smiled a bitter smile. They were now on the edge of what he could and could not tell and regretted he couldn't push on more. He shook his head and sighed. He wasn't going to outright lie to Kakashi. Kakashi deserved better than that, but he also didn't want to stop dead like this. Kakashi read him like an open book, almost too easily. "I guess this is as far as we can go? It's alright. I can wait until you can tell me more, but can you tell me one more thing?" He asked. Shizuka nodded warily, not knowing what to expect. "Tell me why you can't talk about it?"

'The Hokage told me to keep as much as possible a secret.' Shizuka signed and then placed his hands against his body, trying to suppress the tremor that was suddenly bothering him again, effectively silencing him and telling Kakashi that they had indeed reached the end of their conversation. He wasn't disappointed in what Shizuka had offered to share but did need time to think it over. None of his questions were truly answered, but at least he knew it wasn't that Shizuka was unwilling. The secrecy surrounding him was part of a mission, it seemed. That didn't make it easier for Kakashi, but at least he understood a little more. "I think I'll go for a walk, alone." He said and stood up to walk to the door.

Shizuka sat frozen for a moment, uncertain whether the conversation had reached a good end or not. He decided that he didn't think so and that there needed to be a different conclusion, one that did not end with both of them alone and unsure. He got up and blocked the door for Kakashi.

"Shizuka..." Kakashi started, but Shizuka shook his head and once more brought his hands up to sign, but this time to convey what he had wanted to say for a while.

'A lot happened to me, bad things and good. I've cared about a lot of things and people very deeply, but that all seems a distant past.' He stepped closer to Kakashi and lifted his hands. He stopped, doubting himself for a second and bit his lip and looked at Kakashi. 'Right here, right now, you mean everything to me.' Kakashi just stared at him in disbelief. Shizuka doubted for another second, but his determination that had saved him so many times before won from his doubts this time as well and he finished his movement, gently taking hold of the edge of Kakashi's mask and pulling it down. Standing on his toes to reach, he gently placed his lips on Kakashi's and waited for the response.

It didn't take long for Kakashi to snap out of his disbelief and return the kiss, cupping Shizuka's face with his fingers buried in Shizuka's hair. Shizuka smiled into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Kakashi's neck. Silent tears made their way down his face as his first true kiss overwhelmed all of his senses and his mind muddled in Kakashi's embrace.

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