Show me the way

XII: Present Past

The room he woke up in was too bright. The beeping beside him was too loud. The shuffling of feet around his bed was too persistent. It forced him to wake up with its relentlessness when all he wanted was to remain within the ignorance of sleep.

But it was warm and comfortable. He felt relaxed as he lay against the soft fabric of a pillow. He wasn't cold or sore and his mind felt tranquil and pleasantly groggy. If life and reality didn't slowly trickle in through the cracks of his sleepiness and haziness, he would have gladly layed there for as long as possible. 

"Oh, good, you're awake." A female voice cut through the silence, chasing away the last strands of sleepiness and replacing it by wariness. Realisation set in he was in a strange room with a strange person and in an unknown situation. He had been unaware, even if it was just for a moment. Enough cause for worry by any standard, but for him reason to be on the defence. It felt dangerous, even though he already knew it wasn't. Instincts from the war, enhanced by the previous night, spiked and he threw a dangerous glare to the woman.

The woman noticed, stopping her approach. She looked at him in silence as he glared at her, daring her to step closer. She had been a nurse for Shinobi for so long she recognised the panic of unfamiliarity and knew to be careful in her approach. 

There was something more in this man's eyes, though, something feral, making her more wary. It was untamed and, with that, unpredictable. She had to steel herself not to back away from the fierce glare. 

After gathering courage, she took a small step forwards, making sure he could see her hands clutching the clipboard. "You are in the hospital. An ANBU found you unconscious on top of the monument of the fourth in the pouring rain. You were hypothermic." She explained, hoping to settle some of the worry. She expected confusion for her statement, but was met with understanding.

He nodded. Shizuka remembered, the reason he fled to the monument, the cold overwhelming him. There was no need to wrack his brain, something the nurse took notice of. Hypothermia often set in with the patient unaware, since the symptoms settled in slowly and the mind became confused. More often than not the victim registered little more that the feeling of wanting to sleep and succumbing to that.

"I'll go get the doctor now." The nurse said and left the room, leaving Shizuka free too look around. The room was strangely familiar and it wouldn't surprise him if he learned this was one of the rooms he had frequented in his youth. It was on the ground floor and looked out into the small courtyard the hospital had.

He sat up, stretching limbs and, when he found nothing too out of order, started quickly pulling all the wires and tubes out of him. He left through the window, leaving an empty room to be found by the hospital staff.

Shizuka walked the streets of Konoha on his way to Ichiraku's. He avoided eye contact with everyone and took back alleys to find his destination. 

Ayame recognised his from his few visits with Kakashi. With a smile she offered the usual and he accepted with a nod. He didn't know why he went here, just that he did. Food was the last thing on his mind, but the familiarity and memories were soothing in way. 

His musings were disrupted by the arrival of an orange clad boy, who sat down dejected in the seat next to his. He tensed, but otherwise ignored the newcomer. Ayame turned to the boy with the same smile with which she served Shizuka. "Hey, Ayama-nee..."

"Naruto, are you alright?" She asked. Shizuka turned away from the conversation. The kindness brought him a warm feeling and an ache of longing. This had been his, but it was lost to him now. This was one of the things he missed so dearly.

"Not really, school didn't go so well today..." Naruto said in a dejected voice. Shizuka blocked the rest out. The little appetite he had was gone.

Ayame was enough for Naruto to slowly cheer up and become his loud self again. Shizuka stirred the content that was left in his bowl and sighed. He didn't remember this particular visit to Ichiraku; there had been too many like this. But that didn't mean he didn't remember the feeling. The loneliness and desperate need for being acknowledged. How often had he wished for someone to see him, take an interest in him just because he was him? But nobody did for a long time. Too long. The damage of his childhood had left wounds that lasted up until even now.

He remembered clinging to small acts of kindness, like Ayame and Teuchi did for him so often, and knew any act would leave a lasting impression. He wondered if it was within his rights to meddle in the life of Naruto, but concluded it would do little good. In the worst case, it would end like Hitori. Another bound of unwanted memories swept though his mind at the thought of Hitori and made him want to escape, the small shop suddenly too confining.

Getting up, Shizuka pulled enough money out of his wallet to also cover Naruto's bill. Ruffling the boy's hair, he placed the money on the counter and left without looking back. Loud questions were fired after him, but he left them ignored. 

Shizuka wandered through Konoha again, without destination and lost in thought. He was followed, but let it be. There was no threat in it, just curiosity. If he still remembered his old self correctly, boredom would take over soon enough. 

Shizuka joined the mundane trod of shopping citizens, letting himself get swept away in the movement of the masses walking down the streets in the shop district. The progress was slow due the obstructions stalls created by enticing shoppers to stop and look. The goods varied from every-day items to extraordinary feats in art and skill. 

He browsed, along with everyone else. A few pieces of weaponry caught his attention, but non were an improvement on his current gear, so he left them. It was nice, the normalcy of it all. It helped settle his mind and after the turmoil of yesterday, he needed it. The stinging pain hadn't lessened, and by all likeliness it would come back hitting hard after the sun disappeared and the silence of the night took over, but for now it was manageable.

Naruto no longer followed him, much to his relief, giving him back some freedom he didn't know he was missing. With that, he took to the roofs, quickly making his way to the Hokage to report his findings on the seal. 

Sarutobi was patient, watching Shizuka make his slightly erratic report on the seal. He saw the hidden truth, the importance the findings had for Shizuka, and the mental strain it seemed to have on him. But Shizuka didn't mention why, so Sarutobi didn't ask. He felt that if Shizuka needed to talk about, be it for him personally or for the sake of their future cause, Shizuka would come to him on his own. Maybe it was wrong not to, but it felt equally wrong to force the silent man to remember what he seemed to fight so hard without proper reasons.

It also didn't escape him that Shizuka looked to be well rested, more than he had seen him before, but again he did not ask. "How have you been?" He asked instead trying to steer the conversation towards a personal level naturally. The answer was little more than a shrug, covering the flash of sorrow Shizuka so often showed and the question was then pushed aside by the ever-returning request for more missions. 

Sarutobi sighed. Each time Shizuka came to his office, this discussion seemed to be on repeat. But Sarutobi wouldn't budge, and Shizuka accepted the decision even if it was reluctantly. As always, it ended with a different kind of mission. To pass time more than anything, but in some way this one did tied into the future they were working on. It was a nightly retrieval mission for incriminating information on the ROOT. 

Shizuka smirked. Dealing with that damned bastard was a good way to pass time and, if everything played out right, a chance to save Sai years earlier, along with the others.

It was simple, in and out, remain unseen and take only what was requested. And as it was said, so it was done. But with a little detour. Shizuka could not resist temptation to tamper with a few things, guaranteeing a day of bad luck for Danzo without it being too obvious it was deliberate.

He smirked as he disappeared, information firmly in hand and just slightly disappointed he wouldn't be there to see Danzo discover the mess.

There was a lot of information to sort through, and Shizuka happily left it all to Sarutobi in favour of a trip to the library. With the way he left, apologies were in order. 

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