Show me the way

XIII: Desperate grasp

Kakashi was in a hurry. He was a week late returning from his mission. His teammates were more than exhausted, yet he still urged them to hurry in his own need to get home. A feeling of something being wrong had settled in his gut about three days before they should have been back, a week and a half ago now. But he had prioritized finishing the mission, knowing the importance of it for the nation's peace and having no tangible reason to trust his gut.

Now that the mission was done, his personal feelings came to the forefront. It wasn't outside the mission's priority to be home as soon as possible, but the feeling of dread in his gut drove him to higher speeds.

Each time his team cried out for rest, he'd pace back and forth until they could no longer stand it and they moved on again. He heard their complaints and understood them, he himself was also near exhaustion, but unlike his teammates he felt a need to get home fast. Staying still felt wrong. It felt like every moment he didn't move towards home was the moment he could end up being too late, yet he didn't have a true explanation behind it all.

A day's travel out and the familiarity of the forest eased his turmoil slightly, but not enough to slow him down. They rushed the day away, skipping lunch and other small breaks they would normally take.

"Inu-taicho, when do we break for the night?" Neko asked, his voice little more than gasps and pleas.

"We're not." Kakashi answered shortly without looking back. They were eight hours away from Konoha and he refused to stop now for something as trivial as rest or sleep. To sit through an entire night once more was beyond what he could bare now that they were so close. The rest of the team remained silent. The sun had already set and to complete the journey now would mean to travel until dawn at the very least.

They had questioned Kakashi why, but he couldn't answer, since he himself didn't quite understand it either. Now that Kakashi had voiced his wish to finish their travel in one go, they knew he wouldn't change his mind, so they settled for the slightly decreased speed Kakashi dropped down to, grateful for at least that bit of mercy from their captain.

Landing at the gates, his team members sagged through their legs, unable to handle the sudden stop in motion after going through the pain limit and running on pure willpower for the better part of the night. Kakashi stood in front of Kotetsu and Izumo. Both stood up in a start, standing at attention for the new arrivals. It was worrying, the way they snapped up with a mixed expression of worry and relief at the same time. It strengthened the twisted feeling in Kakashi's gut and drew the attention of his team, even through their exhaustion.

"Inu-san!" Kotetsu almost yelled. "The Hokage has asked us to send you straight to him. The report for the mission can wait. He wants to speak with you in all due haste."

Kakashi nodded. This didn't make him feel any better. "I'll call you when I'm ready to report." He told his team members and disappeared in a swirl of leafs, not sparing them a single glance. The fact that the Hokage wanted to speak with him, even before reporting the mission, made his gut knot in ways he didn't think possible. It was almost enough to take away the possibility of breathing.

Skipping the politeness of knocking, he appeared directly in the office of the Hokage, startling everyone present. After recognizing the invader, the ANBU lowered their readied kunai and disappeared again. Sarutobi sat back down, a grave look on his face. "Kakashi, finally..." He breathed out.

"What happened, what's wrong?" Kakashi asked. He all but kept himself from walking to the desk and slamming his hand down, demanding to know what the source of his unease was. Instead he stood stiffly, his muscles ready to bolt at any moment, the tremor of exhaustion replaced by one of adrenaline fueled by fear.

"Before I tell you, you need to promise to let me finish speaking before you disappear. I know that will be hard, but it is better that, when you go, you know everything." Sarutobi said, looking Kakashi straight in the eye to convert the seriousness of the situation. Kakashi nodded.

"I believe Shizuka has fallen ill. When you had just left he came to ask for missions almost daily, but after two weeks that became less and less until two weeks ago he didn't come at all anymore. Last time I saw him I thought he would pass out at any moment with how pale he was and how tired he looked. He wanted a mission, but I refused him. He did not seem equipped to handle a mission, but I think I inadvertently made things worse." Sarutobi stopped to take a deep breath. Kakashi stood still, waiting for Sarutobi to continue so he could dismiss him. His heart clenched at the idea of Shizuka suffering alone from whatever was going on.

Sarutobi gave him a worried look. "Kakashi, he isn't letting anyone near him. He refused to go to the hospital, convinced they wouldn't be able to help. I've sent ANBU to retrieve him, but despite getting an answer, he doesn't actually open the door. He is refusing to do anything but acknowledge the fact he is still alive. I worry for his health, mental more than anything, but he must also be physically ailing. And, Kakashi, I think you might very well be the only that can help him at this moment." The air was tense in the room. Kakashi was ready to move, but still waited for the dismissal. Sarutobi looked at him for another moment before he spoke again.

"I suggest you bring food with you. I have a feeling he's going to need it. Have someone from your team make the report. You're dismissed for two weeks. I suggest you make the most of it."

"Hai, Hokage-sama." Before the words were even fully spoken, Kakashi was gone, leaving a lingering tension and silence in the office.

Like so many times before, Kakashi stood in front of Shizuka's door with paper bags, only this time he carried fresh ingredients instead of take-away meals. He rose his free hand to knock on the door, but the door flew open before his knuckle could land. All he saw was a flying mop of blond and red that landed square against his chest, lean arms snaking around his chest and a face burried in his neck.

The bag of groceries fell and was left forgotten in favour of returning the hug with equal fierceness. He placed his arms around Shizuka's schoulders and burried his nose in his hair, humming slightly and placing delicate kisses that should have gone unnoticed, but the soundless whimper told him Shizuka had felt him, and accepted them with a desperate need. It worried Kakashi Shizuka felt hot to the touch, but those were worries for later.

They stood like that for a few moments, savouring each others company, when Kakashi moved back and looked down, an attempt to see Shizuka's face, but Shizuka was so tightly glued to his neck, he couldn't see anything but his blond hair. "Hey." He said softly. "I'm home." He added.

Shizuka nodded in his neck, clung to the back of his shirt with renewed urge with one hand and brought the other back to cup Kakashi's cheek, his thumb in front of his ear and his finger dug into Kakashi's hair. His breathing was uneven and came with short bursts, telling Kakashi the man in his arms was crying and it took a lot not to join in.

It took another moment for Shizuka to collect himself again. He pushed back a little and glanced up at Kakashi with tear-stricken eyes and a small smile. With reluctance he pulled his hands back. 'Don't leave me again.'

"I won't." Kakashi answered, returning the small smile, and pulled Shizuka towards him again. "I'll always come back. I promise." Shizuka nodded and relaxed into his arms, holding on to the front of his shirt and sighed in relief. Kakashi wrapped his arms around him, wincing when he felt the skin and bones underneath the shirt, but that didn't stop him from holding on Shizuka tightly.

Shizuku leaned in more heavily, but Kakashi didn't mind. Despite his exhaustion, Shizuka was never a burden too heavy. He smiled as he kissed the top of Shizuka's head once more, unafraid after his first kisses being accepted. A silent moan left Shizuka at the feeling and he sank against Kakashi more heavily once more. Kakashi chuckled, recognising the change in Shizuka's breathing into the steadiness of sleep.

He brought Shizuka to bed, sorted the groceries away and returned to the bedroom. Shizuka has turned to face the wall, almost clinging to it, and Kakashi took the space behind him, wrapping his arms around Shizuka once more. "Sleep tight." He whispered and finally let his body find the rest it needed as he joined Shizuka in sleep.

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