Show me the way

XXVII: Confessions

It wasn't bad, waking up with Kakashi right in front of him. A smile tugged at his lips for it. Kakashi looked peaceful like this. Shizuka couldn't help but want to touch him.

Shizuka moved his arm. His skin felt tight and stiff like only a scar could make it feel. He knew that once he got the skin moving, it would get better. It'd take a bit of time, though.

He looked at Kakashi again. He really wanted to touch him, like Kakashi had done the day before, gentle and caring. Shizuka gently stroked the hair out of Kakashi's face. It was so soft. Shizuka would never be able to get used to it. His own hair would never be described as soft, he knew, but then again, he wasn't planning on running his fingers through his own hair...

The early morning light felt a little bright even with the curtains still closed, but it allowed Shizuka to look around the room a bit. His eyes fell on the small item on the bedside table. A silent laugh rocked his body as he saw it, but he quickly suppressed it, glancing at Kakashi. He didn't want to wake him, but it seemed Kakashi wasn't bothered by him moving.

Shizuka looked back at the item, smiling like an idiot. Not only did Kakashi buy him a gift, but he managed to get the one item Naruto had always faithfully kept with him at all times. A Gama-chan coin pouch... Though this one was orange instead of green, it still brought back memories. Memories of good moments mostly, which surprised Shizuka a little. The orange colour also made him think of Gamakichi. Of course, much like his clothing, Gama-chan had also failed to survive the time-travel seal.

Shizuka tried reaching for it, but his taut skin didn't allow him to reach that far. Kakashi was also a bit in the way. He sighed and let his arm rest on his side again, deciding to wait for Kakashi to wake up.

Sitting still really wasn't his strong point. Before long, Shizuka was gently touching Kakashi's hair again, watching the silvery strands run through his fingers. At some point, Kakashi made a sound between a grunt and a moan. Shizuka froze, pulling his hand back a little and waiting for Kakashi to settle back into his sleep. "Don't stop..." Kakashi whispered.

Shizuka obliged with a small smile. He was happy Kakashi was enjoying his touch but went on to make sure Kakashi's hair would end up messy in a small fit of mischief. Well, more messy than usual. He couldn't help it. He was feeling more like himself than he had in a long time and messing with people was a natural part of that. Being there with just Kakashi, it made him feel like he was allowed to be just that, himself.

After a few moments, Kakashi raised his head, and for a moment he was taken aback by what he saw. Shizuka, smiling widely and genuinely, and laughing, though silently. It was beautiful to watch. Shizuka ruffled through his hair one more time and grinned happily, proud of the mess he managed to make. Kakashi had to swallow a lump in his throat at the sight. A smile like that, happiness, on Shizuka's face, would make anything worthwhile.

Shizuka quickly pecked Kakashi's clothed lips and pointed at the bedside table. 'For me?'

"Uh." Kakashi had to clear his throat to produce a normal sound. "Yeah. I mean, I know it's a bit silly, but..."

Shizuka shook his head. 'It's perfect. I love it!' He smiled and reached for it again. Kakashi witnessed the struggle with a wince. The taut skin looked healed well enough, but the effort still looked painful. He reached out as well, passed Shizuka's outstretched hand, and took the item. He handed the plush wallet to Shizuka.

Shizuka fiddled with it for a while before delicately placing it on the bed in front of him. 'We'll need to fill it up soon, go on some missions together.' He looked excited at the prospect.

"Yeah, but first you need to recover enough to be released from the hospital." Kakashi said. The enthusiasm was endearing and he was looking forward to going out with Shizuka again, but only after Kakashi was completely sure Shizuka was alright.

'I'm good to go right now!' Shizuka tried to sit up, but Kakashi kept him down with a hand on his shoulder.

"No, you're not." He said, staring Shizuka down. It was still very early, too early for even a nurse to have checked in on them. Last night one came by and did a quick check. That's when Kakashi talked her into letting him stay for the night. She had said Shizuka was healing incredibly fast, but still needed time and Kakashi was going to make sure Shizuka got all the rest he needed.

'Of course I am, I've all healed anyway, so I can leave.' Shizuka gave him a stubborn look back, almost glaring, and Kakashi saw the restlessness underneath it. Shizuka wasn't meant to be kept still. He needed to keep moving. The hospital must be torture for him, even if it was just for one day.

Kakashi shook his head, almost rolling his eyes. Stubborn as Shizuka was, Kakashi could be too if it was for Shizuka's own sake. "No, you're not. Last time you left the hospital on your own accord, you ended up sick." He said. He wanted to sound stern but wasn't really sure he pulled it off.

Shizuka let himself rest back into the bed and closed his eyes for a moment. More a tiresome, slow blink then anything. Kakashi caught it without trouble. Shizuka might be claiming he is fine, but he was still tired and still needed time to recover. 'That was something different.'

"Yeah? So it's just a coincidence you left the hospital before being discharged and I found you practically collapsing at your door?" Kakashi said with a sardonic undertone.

Shizuka looked at Kakashi for a moment and then looked away. He hadn't thought Kakashi had heard about his short trip to the E.R. from before. 'That didn't have anything to do with leaving the hospital early.' There was a different reason for him being sick. It might have been partly because he lost Kurama, maybe that messed up his immune system, but there was also something else, something strong and gut-wrenching to him.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. If there was another reason for Shizuka falling that gravely ill, he would love to know about it. "It didn't? Then how did you get so sick?"

Shizuka didn't seek eye contact as he thought over his answer. Honesty would go a long way. He could be honest with Kakashi, no matter what it was. 'I... I got homesick.' He glanced at Kakashi.

Kakashi chuckled at that. "Homesick? At home?" He asked.

Shizuka made another attempt to sit up, but again Kakashi held him down. He had wanted to show his indignation at the remark but settled for a glare at Kakashi. 'It's not home when you're not there, smart ass! I felt abandoned.' He drove his point home by hitting Kakashi's shoulder, but to Shizuka's regret, it probably hurt himself more than it did Kakashi. Really, Shizuka knew he was dim at this stuff, but it seemed he found an equal in Kakashi.

Kakashi grinned at him. Even through the cloth that much was clear. Shizuka smiled back and after a moment, they were both laughing. "So even back then, huh?" Kakashi asked. Shizuka cocked his head. "That you've been in love with me?" A small blush dusted Shizuka's cheeks before he looked away and nodded. "Well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel the same." Kakashi laughed again.

Shizuka watched him for a second. He rose his hand to Kakashi's cheek and ran his thumb over the cloth. Kakashi fell silent at the touch and he returned the gaze. A small nudge from Shizuka was enough to entice him to lean in closer. Kakashi placed his hand on Shizuka's cheek, sliding it backwards to dig his fingers into Shizuka's hair. With his other, he pulled back his mask and then gently placed his lips on Shizuka's, almost chaste, with just enough pressure to convey his care.

The kiss was gentle and caring, but Shizuka wasn't looking for a gentle kiss right now. He wasn't fragile. Don't get him wrong. Gentle kisses from Kakashi were amazing and had their place and time, but right now Shizuka wanted, and needed, something a little more fierce. He grabbed hold of Kakashi's hair and pulled him closer, maybe a bit rough, but it forced Kakashi to stand up and lean over him more. Shizuka turned on his back for a much as the supports let him and added his other hand to Kakashi's hair. His grip was tight. He was holding on so strongly he felt like he came off needy, but Kakashi just kept kissing him and seemed to not care about that.

This was easy. This wasn't complicated and this didn't need to be thought over carefully. Even when the kiss turned heated and Kakashi claimed all of his attention, it was calming to Shizuka. He could surrender and be safe. He loved it. He loved him. And maybe, just maybe, he could love his life again with Kakashi.

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