Show me the way

VII: Shared sorrow

Kakashi guided him outside in silence. He walked through Konoha with Shizuka next to him, reading his book. The image was painfully familiar to Shizuka, but also strangely comforting. Fond memories bubbled up faster then he could press them back down. He needed to stay strong, focussed on the mission at hand. "Stay alive, make it right." But being next to Kakashi made that difficult. He wanted nothing more than to share his burden and cast part of it onto the strong shoulders of the man who taught him how to bear it.

They walked. Slowly, they made their way to the monument that honoured those that died. Kakashi took the spot he so often occupied, staring at the names of his lost team. Naruto stood beside him, at first unsure, but as his eyes drifted over the smooth surface of the stone, all he could see were the names that would be one day engraved upon it. The names of people unknown to him mixed with those of his friends. It was like the names were burning themselves into the stone from the inside, glowing sharply.

Shizuka closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Slowly, tears made their way down his face. He gritted his teeth and tried to hold them back, but it was little use.

Kakashi saw his stare at the blank stone and cocked his head. He could only wonder what his silent companion had on his mind, but the soft shaking of his entire body told him it was deeply rooted and close to the surface, just like he saw before.

Kakashi turned around, so they were shoulder to shoulder, both looking in the opposite direction. He placed his hand on Shizuka's shoulder and felt a shock pass through him.

A dam broke. He sobbed, but was unheard. For the first time, though, he did not go unnoticed. The hand that was on his shoulder extended to be in front of his chest and landed on his other shoulder. He grabbed the arm with both hands and leaned into it. His teeth still gritted he still fought the tears, but Kakashi placed his other arm around his back. "It's alright now." He spoke softly and that was all it took for Shizuka to break completely.

His knees buckled, but Kakashi held him and guided him gently to his knees. He cried like he hadn't done since he was a child and first realised how hated he was in his own village. This was the true first time he let it all out. The frustration, the grief, the guilt, the pain, everything. He screamed without sound. He held on to the strong arm around his neck and took all the strength he could from that.

How much time passed, Shizuka didn't know, but Kakashi held on to him. The silence of understanding hung between them didn't weigh on the situation in the slightest. And for a while, just this moment, nothing mattered. He was free from the burden that was his life and all it took was a hug to relieve him just for that moment.

Shizuka was breathing hard, but he felt the same from Kakashi. A sideway glance told him Kakashi had cried silently with him. For Kakashi's own sorrow and grief, but inspired by his. Shizuka scrunched his brow and wiped away Kakashi's tears. As he did, Kakashi looked up at him and gave a small smile Shizuka couldn't return. He just looked pained for being the cause of the other's tears.

Kakashi nodded and stood up, taking Shizuka's hands to pull him up with him. With a notion of his head, he walked away and Shizuka followed.

Back into Konoha, back into the bustling streets, but somehow Shizuka felt a little lighter and little more able to handle what was around him. Kakashi guided him through the streets again with Shizuka next to him. They walked like they both knew their destination and soon they entered the library. Kakashi strode to the back of the library, a small section set off from the rest creating a small haven of silence and seclusion even within the sanctuary of the library. He picked a book and sat down, reading through it.

Shizuka followed his example and browsed the long line of books until he found the section on fuinjutsu. He took a fair stack and sat down, finally able to search for the answer that he had been looking for. Kakashi eyed the stack, but didn't comment.

Shizuka was so involved in his reading he didn't notice the time pass by. The desk was littered with papers scribbled with notes. Books were marked or placed page down on a specific page for reference and still he read through more books. It wasn't until a tap on his shoulders that he realised he was studying by the light of lamps, and no longer by the light of day. "We should clean up. They'll close soon." Kakashi said in a hushed voice. Shizuka nodded and started stacking his notes, sealing them into a scroll.

Kakashi watched in slight amazement as Shizuka placed the books back in their spot, not a second of hesitation and all in the right place. If he didn't know better, he would have thought that Shizuka was awfully familiar with the books of the library and where they were placed. That, or the man had an extraordinary memory.

After he placed the last book back, he looked at Kakashi and grinned. He was happy with the work he got done and felt a little closer to getting his answer. Kakashi smiled back, nodded and walked on again. They walked through the familiar streets of a residential area that Shizuka recognised as not being that far away from his old home. He looked around a bit nervously. He wasn't ready to face his past self yet.

They took a turn that led away from the high apartment building and entered a street of lower buildings with larger apartments. Kakashi walked up to one door and opened it with a key before he held them up for Shizuka. Shizuka cocked his head, a little confused. "This is your apartment. An ANBU came by to tell us, but I guess you missed that." Kakashi was smirking. Shizuna glared back at him.

Kakashi's smirk changed to a smile, and he grabbed Shizuka's hand. He placed the keys in them and started to walk away. "See you tomorrow, Shizuka." He held up his hand and then disappeared from sight.

Shizuka clutched the keys. The sudden loneliness was a little harder than he expected. He took a deep breath to steady himself and went inside.

The apartment reminded him of Kakashi's. The room was dull and the hardest colour was a vague taupe, but it met the basic needs, kitchen, bed, even a couch and a desk to study at. It was comfortable, but lacked any personality.

He took a seat at the desk and proceeded to unseal the notes he made. For the rest of the night, he worked through them again, trying to find that one piece of information that had eluded him for all those years. 

It was only when he woke up with his face on the desk that he realised he had slept. He didn't remember when he nodded off, but he felt a little less exhausted now. To sleep without being taunted left him feeling rested.

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