Show me the way

XXII: Actions and Consequences

Sideway glances and giddiness. For a whole day that was all both of them managed towards each other. Shy smiles and chaste exploratory touches. They were settling into their newly discovered dynamic as they travelled home and that brought some starting issues.

The kiss that started as a confession had exploded into a passionate make-out session, with Kakashi pinning Shizuka to the wall and his hands disappearing underneath Shizuka's clothing. Kakashi was gentle, but it felt so much differently than in the onsen. Both touches were to explore, but this touch sought to discover something completely different than the touch at the onsen.

Shizuka wondered if Kakashi was as inexperienced as he was in this, but since Kakashi was older and had lived through a time of relative peace, he could imagine Kakashi having had a previous relationship. Shizuka hoped so. It meant Kakashi's life had been less lonely than he thought it had been. The way Kakashi kissed and touched him did seem experienced. There was a certainty in it, though that could also be Kakashi's natural cockiness.

Just before reaching Konoha, Kakashi stopped and pulled Shizuka off the road. He backed Shizuka against a tree and kissed him deeply. "Sorry, I couldn't wait until we got home." He said, smirking at the flustered look Shizuka had. It seemed like a dam had broken after the first kiss. Kakashi took every opportunity to approach Shizuka and Shizuka was yet to refuse the advances.

They reported to the Hokage after a short stop at Shizuka's apartment. Afterwards, Kakashi was asked to leave while Shizuka and Sarutobi discussed what was left to do. Shizuka wanted to focus on Nagato and wanted to do that with Jiraya. There was also the issue of Tobi, or Obito, and how to handle that, especially since Kakashi would be involved.

They set the schedule to wait for Jiraya to confront Nagato, and to confront Obito in a month's time. This would leave an approximate two weeks before Shizuka's next mission with Jiraya. Enough time to address the situation in the village, namely Danzo and his organisation. Sarutobi suggested a day to rest before setting out against Danzo, enough time for Shizuka to prepare and for Kakashi to be briefed on the situation.

Shizuka was nervous. Not for the mission, but for Kakashi to become more involved. He hoped Kakashi saw the need for keeping the secret as much as Sarutobi and he had done.

He met Kakashi at their usual training ground and grinned as he entered. Kakashi looked up from his book and quickly tucked it away. It didn't take long for them to work up a sweat in a heated spar. It was, after all, early in the day, and neither were really tired from their trip.

They ended up using more area than just the training ground. After a while, they had found themselves either on or near the river. Kakashi was fierce, almost like he wanted to prove himself in some way, and a number of times Shizuka was forced into defence only.

It became more fierce, adding Jutsu's to the fight and escalating it to the point where the environment was affected to some degree.

Shizuka barely caught a glimpse of Kakashi's smirk before a sudden onslaught of water crashed down on him and washed him into the river. For a moment he was disoriented, but he quickly found his bearings. As soon as he surfaced again, Kakashi was standing before him, still smirking. He held out his hand to Shizuka in an effort to make amends. Shizuka grabbed it and pulled hard enough for Kakashi to fall forward and land in the water as well. Now Shizuka was the one smirking.

The water was cooling and drained their need to continue their spar. Instead, Kakashi used the opportunity to catch Shizuka in his arms and dote upon him. It wasn't until Kakashi placed his hands on the small of his back that Shizuka noticed something was wrong. His Wakizashi was missing.

Panic struck him hard. No! He couldn't have lost it! It was too precious, and he couldn't handle the thought of it being lost. Hitori... He quickly twisted around, feeling himself to find the missing item, but all he found were the broken remains of the strings it had been attached to. He broke away from Kakashi, frantically searching the area around him, but came up empty handed.

"What's wrong?" Kakashi asked. The sudden panick Shizuka was showing came of as a little frightening.

'It's gone.' Shizuka signed so fast Kakashi barely followed, but the gesture Shizuka made to his back was enough for Kakashi to understand. He had wondered why Shizuka carried the Wakizashi, but never seemed to use it for anything. He had only seen Shizuka grab hold of the hilt once, and he had done so absentmindedly and with hurt on his face. Now Kakashi understood it was probably a momento, a reminder of something or someone from Shizuka's past. Kakashi regretted not asking about it before, but he doubted he would have gotten an answer for his query.

"I'll help you find it." He said, quickly setting out towards the destroyed area they had left behind. Shizuka gave him a grateful look and set out to the river himself.

It wasn't long before Kakashi found it. Right around the point where they started involving Jutsu's, the Wakizashi lay undamaged among the remnants of a tree. The tree Kakashi had managed to push Shizuka into hard enough to shatter it.

He quickly made his way back to Shizuka, but Shizuka had gone from where he was before. "Shizuka?!" Kakashi called out. "Shizuka, I've found it!" For a moment longer it was eerily quiet, before Shizuka appeared before him in a very familiar looking flash. Shizuka snatched the Wakizashi from his hand, perhaps a bit too forcefully, and pressed it against him before embracing Kakashi tightly. Kakashi hugged him back, his nose buried in Shizuka's neck. "You're welcome, love."

Kakashi stepped back and was greeted by a smiling Shizuka. "Why is it so important to you?" Kakashi asked. The smile disappeared quickly and Shizuka looked away. For a moment Kakashi thought that was the end of it, but Shizuka sighed and looked back. 'It was my girl's.'

Kakashi almost choked at that, thinking he misinterpreted the signs or misunderstood them. He looked at Shizuka wide eyed. "I'm sorry, who? Your daughter?"

Shizuka shook his head. 'My student. I found her on my travels.'

"Oh, right... so, what happened to her?" Kakashi asked carefully, not wanting to hurt Shizuka, but also unable to reign in his own curiosity.

'She died.' The answer was short and quick. Shizuka turned and walked away, leaving Kakashi standing in doubt for a second.

He found his voice again quickly. "Shizuka, wait!" He stepped in front of him. "Talk to me. Please? Don't keep this to yourself. It'll just hurt more." Kakashi's eye betrayed his own experience in this and that was enough to break through even the stubborn mind of Shizuka. Shizuka dropped his shoulder dejectedly and took a deep breath.

'We'd been travelling for about two months together and we took an easy mission in this small village. Turned out the information was way off and the mission escalated fast. I fucked up and she paid the price, okay?' The mission was supposed to have been simple, just some low level scum barely able to call themselves Shinobi. In terms of ranking a low C, if that. But the information was wrong and Shizuka had let Hitori wander too far away from him. What he handled without breaking a sweat had quickly overwhelmed her and he had been too late to intercept the fatal damage. She was dead before she hit the ground and Shizuka was deprived of even the opportunity to take her body as it was consumed by flames. It would have been all too easy to have done it all by himself, but Hitori had been so enthusiastic about it and wanted to help so badly, Shizuka had let her talk him into taking her along.

He felt angry, frustrated and most of all, self-loathing. Right now, he just wanted to disappear for a while, to be alone, but Kakashi grabbed his arms and kept him grounded. They stared each other down for a while, until Shizuka caved. 'Why does everyone I care about have to die? What am I doing wrong?' He was begging, on the verge of tears. Begging for an answer nobody had and hoping for a little redemption, despite knowing he didn't deserve it.

"Shizuka, it wasn't your fault." Kakashi said gently.

'What would you know about it? You weren't there!' Shizuka looked at Kakashi angrily.

"I wasn't, you're right. But I know you fought with all you had to protect her, and anyone else for that matter. You're not the kind of person to just let someone die, especially not someone you know. The fact that you weren't able to save them just means that there was nothing that could have been done."

Shizuka let his head hang and nodded, before leaning against Kakashi. His tears didn't fall, but he did need another moment in the safety of Kakashi's arms before facing the world again.

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