Clairvoyant ∞ SOONHOON

125

"I was your boyfriend, Soonyoung."

Soonyoung gulped. Soonyoung shouldn't be too surprised, he should have seen this coming. He should know it from the very first time Jihoon kissed him, from the very moment he woke up where he felt so much happiness at the sight of Jihoon. But he doesn't know what surprised him. If it's the fact that Jihoon was his, or if it's Jihoon's capability to lie for that long.

"You were my boyfriend," Soonyoung echoed, his voice was so soft and weak. "Then you're that ex that I can never move on from. Is that why it always hurts to just stare at you when I want to hold you, Ji?"

"Soonyoung. . . I'm sorry."

"Why did we break up?" Soonyoung asked. "Why. . . why are we not together? Ji, w-why. . . are we not together when we know we're still into each other? J-Ji, w-why can't you even let me choose you?"

Jihoon smiled sadly. "The very first thing you said was Chaejin's name. The very first thing you did was beg for Chaejin to stay," he said and looked away. "We didn't break up. I chose to let you go for Chaejin. You wanted Chaejin. . . so I let you go to have her. I let both of you have what you want."

There was a moment of silence. The whole place was so silent that it was already deafening. No one was talking a single word, they just stared at each other with tears in their eyes. But a few seconds later, Soonyoung broke the stare and looked away.

"If only you fought for me, if only you told me you were my boyfriend, I could have understood why I feel so much about you," Soonyoung mumbled, but Jihoon managed to hear that.

"I'm sorry, Soonyoung," he whispered. "I'm sorry I lied to you."

Soonyoung nodded and ducked his head. "Chaejin and I. . ." he said, "we broke up."

Jihoon blinked in surprise, his mouth gaping. "What?! Why?" He asked in so much confusion and shock. "Did something wrong happen?"

Soonyoung lifted his head up again and looked into Jihoon's eyes. "Something wrong?" He repeated. "I'm in love with you, Jihoon. Is that wrong? I am so in love with you that even if I kiss Chaejin for a million times, I would wish every single time I was kissing you instead. I'm so in love with you, Jihoon, that. . . that every time I am with her, I always wish it was you instead."

Jihoon wasn't sure if he heard it right or if he was hallucinating things. He didn't know. Maybe he was just so into Soonyoung, maybe he just missed Soonyoung too much that he's starting to hear things from him that aren't true. So he stood there, frozen and unmoving.

He may be stiff, but inside his chest, there were wild thumps, there was a wild chaos there and even in his stomach as the butterflies fluttered. Jihoon gulped as the tears blurred his sight again.

"W-What?"

"I love you, Ji. . ." Soonyoung repeated, his voice has gotten so warm and so gentle that Jihoon melted at it. "I love you and I feel so happy when I'm with you. I don't remember anything about you, but I feel. . . I feel like I've known you for a long time. Ji, every time I see you, I want to hold you, to keep you close and to stay beside you. I don't know what you've done to me. Jihoon, I don't know what spell you casted upon me that I am so, so in love with you."

Jihoon just stared back at him while he was talking. Suddenly, he can't speak. He was speechless. He can't utter any word and there is no word that he can find in his tongue. He was so surprised and overwhelmed that he can't do anything else but to just cry.

"So please, Ji. . . stop walking away from me," Soonyoung begged. "Just please stop. I just want to be with you, what's so hard about that? Jihoon, just let me love you. You said you love me, you said you meant that. Then just stop holding back. Ji, I am not tired of chasing you, I won't ever get tired of trying to win you, but please stop making it so hard for us. I just want to know how it feels like to be your boyfriend again. I just want to be yours again."