My Heartbreaker (Heartbreakers Series #5)

Chapter 33

Chapter 33

"Na-release na," Edrei said from the other line, medyo masaya ang boses n'ya because after all that we've gone through, we're finally at the end of it. "Congratulations, Frida. This is the last issue for The Heartbreakers."

"Thank you," I mumbled as I sank myself on my bed, closing my eyes afterward, feeling the clenching of my heart because of pain.

Umuulan na naman at makulimlim na naman ang langit.

Matapos ma-release ang interview kay Uriah Penalver during the last week of October, nagkaro'n kami ng semestral break para sa Undas. A one week break from school. Umuwi kami sa probinsya para ro'n. We visited Papa at sinama na namin s'ya rito para sa therapy n'ya.

Uriah became busy because of it. Talagang nandoon s'ya para i-assist kami. I never thought that he'd be like that. I never thought that he'd help me. Hindi naman kasi kami close at hindi naman madalas kung mag-usap noon. It made me realize that even though Uriah has been aloof with us, his junior high school classmates, he treasured and cared about us.

Pumikit ako nang maalala ulit si Yovan. Ever since that day, pakiramdam ko, lumilipas na lang ang mga araw. I feel at peace, pero ang puso ko, nasasaktan pa rin kapag naaalala s'ya. Everything's fine except a part of my heart that hurts for Yovan. Dahil alam kong nasaktan ko s'ya at karapatan n'yang humingi ng oras para sa sarili n'ya.

Then sometimes, I'd feel really selfish. Kasi iniisip ko na baka hindi na s'ya bumalik. Hindi ba puwedeng kunin na namin ang pagkakataon? Hindi ba puwedeng maghilom nang magkasama? Hindi ba puwedeng mag-mature nang magkasama?

Pero sa huli, sarili ko lang din ang magtatama sa sarili ko. Kailangan n'yang lumayo sa akin para matutunan n'yang piliin ang sarili n'ya. Hangga't nasa paligid n'ya ako, nangangailangan ng gabay at tulong n'ya, hinding-hindi n'ya mapipili ang sarili n'ya.

Maybe it was what I noticed with him before. He loved me more than he loved himself. Ideal as it may sound, but later on, like what happened with us, he realized that it was toxic for him. Of course, because he chose someone else above himself.

Kung mas mamahalin natin nang higit ang ibang tao kaysa sa sarili, mapapabayaan natin ang mga sarili natin. Dahil imbis na pagalingin ang sarili sa lahat ng sakit, mas pipiliin nating pagalingin ang iba. Maiipon ang mga sugat, lalala, at sa huli, mari-realize na lang nating sobra na tayong nanghihina dahil ubos na tayo at wala nang lakas pang maibibigay.

Maybe it was what happened to Yovan. He's empty now and he has reached his limit. And I don't blame him for choosing himself. Masaya ako para sa kan'ya. Hindi ko lang mapigilang maramdaman 'yung sakit sa puso ko.

"Hindi ka papasok?" Tanong ni Edrei.

Umiling ako kahit na hindi naman n'ya nakikita. The sky is so gloomy today, I can't make myself get out of bed. Siguro kahit isang araw lang, puwede naman akong magpahinga.

"I don't feel like going to school today, Rei," I said.

"Alright. Ise-send ko na lang sa'yo ang picture ng article," aniya. "Are you sick?"

"Hindi," I mumbled. "Pagod lang siguro. Papasok din ako bukas."

Edrei sent me the picture of the article just like what he told me. When I saw it, my tears immediately welled up. Picture naming dalawa ni Yovan ang nandoon, magkatabi lang kami at galing pang junior high school ang picture.

The young Yovan and Frida. Nakasuot kaming dalawa ng junior high school uniform ng Torrero University. Mas bata ang hubog ng mga mukha naming dalawa. Mas maamo ang mukha ni Yovan dahil bata pa.