Catharsis

*38*

I was still utterly shocked at the image I just witnessed. What happened? She looked like she killed someone. My feet were shaking and I had to lean against the door to try to calm down.

Byeol was eyeing me suspiciously. She was half naked on the sofa and she spread her legs, inviting me to resume what I had to pause. I suddenly felt nauseous, all I could think about was Ha-Neul. It killed me on the inside I had to chase her away. That's not what I wanted. I never wanted to stay away from her, it was her request. But now she willingly came to me, looking like a complete mess. She needed me. And I abandoned her. I hated myself for that. All I wanted was to run after her and hold her tight in my arms, never letting go again.

"Sorry, Byeol, I need to head out for a bit!" I grabbed my coat and rushed out the door.

"What? Why, wait!" she tried to stop me but I was long gone. 

I tried to trace her steps in a desperate attempt to find her. She didn't know the neighborhood very well, so she must had taken the main road. I started running, hoping it's not too late to offer her my hand. Hoping she will forgive me. 

All my prayers been heard and her silhouette appeared in the distance. She was barely moving, her body exhausted from running and crying. But mostly from denying reality. I was satisfied with just watching her from afar for now, to make sure she is safe, so I just followed her, keeping my distance. She suddenly stopped and I froze in place, hoping she wouldn't turn around. I wasn't ready to face her yet.

Instead, she collapsed on the ground, crying out her lungs. My heart ached so much that I thought I was going to faint from so much pain. I couldn't stand it anymore and rushed to her side, enfolding my arms around her. As if she could tell it was me, she didn't flinch at all and continued crying. I turned her around so she can face me, but she couldn't look me in the eyes. Her body felt broken. I pulled her closer to my bare chest and felt a shiver down my spine when she wrapped her arms around my waist and placed her hands on my back, underneath my jacket.

The moment didn't feel real. I wondered for a moment if maybe I was actually sleeping and it was just a dream. I stroked her hair until her cries died out a little bit and she managed to let out a small "thank you" through tears. I melted completely. I don't think I ever realized until this moment how much I actually loved her.

"I am sorry I am late" I whispered and she still couldn't speak, but shook her head, denying my words. I kissed the top of her head, trying to ease off her pain. I still had no idea what happened, but at least I was here for her.

Moments later I felt her hands move down my back and leave my body. I suddenly felt cold and not because I was wearing just an unzipped jacket. 

"Tae broke up with me" she said lifelessly while fastening my jacket. My eyes widened in shock. I expected anything, but not that.

"W-what? W-why?" I barely spoke.

"Because of some stupid reasons that I don't want to speak ever again" she sighed.

"Don't worry, I am sure it's a mistake. He will apologize and come back to you. He loves you too much!" I tried to reassure her.

"No, he doesn't. He abandoned me. Because there's nothing to love about me" she said with an empty look in her eyes and it killed me to see her like that. She was drifting away. She was losing herself again and I couldn't allow it. Not when she was everything I ever wanted. It was time to listen to my heart and not give a damn about anything else.

"Then come to me! I love every little piece of you, Ha-Neul! Even now, after trying everything, I still can't get you out of my mind! I love you more and more, day by day... So let me do it properly this time. I will give you the option. Do you want to give Tae another chance or do you want to choose me instead?"