Catharsis

*18*

***Ha-Neul POV***

It was evening time already, time flew fast as we were out in town all day after school. My phone vibrated a couple of times, but I didn't have time to look at any of the messages. I knew for sure Hobi was texting me, now that he's met my boyfriend he must have a million questions. But he has to wait until I can actually focus all my attention on him. Luckily my boyfriend will spend the evening at his best friend's house to play video games and that leaves me home alone, to do exactly what I want. 

It wasn't like I was hiding anything, it's just hard for me to talk to anyone else if my boyfriend is around, as he gets easily annoyed if he doesn't have my full attention. And yes, I was spending most of the time with him. Things weren't as great as he promised me, but it was bearable and there were moments when I was happy. He hasn't really changed. I thought I just need to give it more time and it might get better. With or without him, I was still miserable. But I missed my freedom...

An hour later it was only me and my thoughts. I rushed to grab my phone and read those texts, but to my surprise it wasn't only Hobi that messaged me, but also Taehyung. I sighed, regretting how my life got a bit too complicated lately. First, Tae confession and now Hobi kissing me. I should stop looking so hurt and needy, I make too many people worry for me. I knew it wasn't love what Tae felt for me, probably just pity. And Hobi is only confused, he's going through a lot and I can't blame him.

I decided to reply back to both of them. 

Messages from Taehyung: 1

"I am sorry I got angry at you before, I hope you know I do want the best for you. Please, let me make it up to you, can we meet and talk in person?"

I sighed. I feel bad for giving him hope last time. To be honest, I had no idea that day at the amusement park was supposed to be a date, I never looked at it that way. I like Tae a lot, he makes me smile all the time and I feel safe by his side, but the current me can't see see him as more than a friend. And I still can't find an explanation for why he has feelings for me. 

I texted him back "I know you care about me, but I think I am the only one who can decide what's best for me and what is not. You don't have to feel guilty for speaking your mind, everyone around me has the same opinion as you and even if you are right, I wanted to give it a try as I have too many regrets already. I think meeting you alone would be really inappropriate considering the new circumstances. Let's talk at school, ok?"

I hope I wasn't too harsh on him and he will understand it's the best option for both of us. 

Messages from Hobi: 3

"So that infamous boyfriend really exists, huh? I was really surprised to meet him. He doesn't seem to think very fondly of me though! (part of me hopes he will see this message mwahaha)"

I giggled reading the first message. He was good at reading people. The other two texts were more serious. 

"But really, Ha-Neul, you need to be honest with me. I think you are not as happy as you pretend to be. Do I need to remind you every time that I am your friend and I need to know what's wrong with you?"

"I know it's not right to ask, but we need to talk. I need to see you and make sure you're ok, I can't do that over the phone or through texting."

I flopped on the bed, phone still in my hand. I stared at the ceiling, not knowing what to do. I just refused Taehyung, it should be only fair to refuse Hobi as well. But the criteria were different, Tae wanted to date me, Hobi was my friend. Both wanted to help me but no matter how hard they try, all their efforts are in vain if I don't accept it. And that was my current attitude. Just like Ghandi's three monkeys, I refused to see hope, hear positive things or speak my mind.