Catharsis

*30*

Time flew faster as I stopped overthinking and tried to suppress all my unnecessary feelings. School ended and I could enjoy the summer as the long awaited holiday finally came. So that means less emotional stress and more focus on getting ready for the upcoming audition scheduled in two weeks time.

It was held by a small company called BigHit Entertainment, but we weren't bothered. We just wanted to sing and dance and spread happiness around doing what we love. And this time we'll definitely win.

To make sure it's not an overstatement, I practiced hard day and night. It kept other unwanted thoughts away as well, so it was only me and my good old friend - dance, spending quality time together.

We decided to perform a song that I worked on in the last few months and I was really proud of it and the choreography as well. It wasn't my first option though, but the boys insisted that it would be the best choice and it would make a huge impression. 

So I was putting all the effort in perfecting the dance and adding new moves that would make it even better, making sure I practice my vocals as well as I had more lines than usual. It felt tiring, but satisfying at the same time, especially when the boys would praise my work and look content with the whole performance. 

Days passed away and the day of the audition was here. I was more confident than before and my friends felt the same. We knew last time we failed not because of not being good enough, but because of bad timing. So this time we were ready to take over the world.

Everyone from school came to support us again, plus plenty of new fans we've made in the meantime, with Ha-Neul, Hana and Cho being in the lead. The last two came backstage to give Jimin and Namjoon a good luck kiss, but Ha-neul didn't show up. I looked at Tae with a questionable look, but he was unaffected. Nothing is wrong, I said to myself. It wasn't the time to worry over nothing, I had to focus. 

The truth is I wasn't feeling very well today. I think all those long hours of practice took their toll on me, but my body wasn't allowed to break down yet, not until after the performance. Fortunately no one suspected anything. I let all the cheers in to erase my discomfort. 

We entered the stage and the screams got louder and louder. I looked through the audience for a familiar face and luckily for me I found it in time, before all the madness started. Ha-Neul seemed to have been looking for me as well, as she was staring in my direction and Tae was on the other end. She hugely smiled and waved energetically, pouring some life in my numb body.

"2! 3! Good afternoon, we are BTS!" Namjoon started and we continued, greeting the jury and then getting ready to start. I decided to use some props for the performance to make it even more entertaining. We would start sitting on chairs in front of a table and dancing on it, then taking over the stage, ending it in a striking pose as confident gods, back on the table.

Me and Tae took our position in the front and the beat of "Dionysus" started moments after. As soon as our part ended, we moved to the table fast and continued with the choreography. Everything went smoothly until it was my part again and I had to sing on the table, then jump on the floor with a twist, continuing to dance. But something went wrong when I jumped and I could feel something snap when I landed. It wasn't even a high jump, but it felt as if I lost my left leg. 

I tried my best to not let it show and continued dancing as if nothing happened. But the pain was killing me. The performance took ages to end and despite my wish to enjoy it for as long as possible, all I wanted now was to end quickly. When the last part of the song came and it was my time again to shine, I almost fainted, but somehow managed to do everything right. I was convinced now the left leg must have detached itself in the meantime. I never felt such an atrocious pain in my life but my desire to be stronger than it and perform well was above anything. We had to pass this audition. There was no way I would do that to my friends. 

Somehow the music stopped eventually and we were all sat in the finishing pose. The cheers and applauses were deafening, but I could barely hear them. Everything looked blurry and I could barely move. I don't know how I ended up getting off stage, but my body collapsed lifeless on a sofa backstage. My head was spinning and my eyes felt heavy, but I had to stay awake. I had to hear the results.

"Hyung, are you ok? You look like a ghost!" Jungkook pointed out first.

"I am fine" I spoke weakly, trying to hide my pain as best as possible and trying to look in the direction where his voice was coming from, to not look suspicious. "I think I've just went all the way and have no energy left" I smiled faintly, trying to look my normal self. I didn't want them to worry. We had to win the competition first. 

"You really surpassed yourself there, Hobi! You were so cool!" Jimin gave me two thumbs up, grinning excitedly. Or at least that's what I imagined he would do.

"I am 100% sure we've got it this time, there is no way we can't win with this breathtaking performance! Well done, everyone!" Namjoon encouraged us. 

We were waiting patiently for the final results to be announced, but I was running out of patience because I could barely keep myself together. Suddenly Ha-Neul showed up, went past Tae and stormed in my direction and somehow I found the strength to tell her face apart.

"What the fuck, Hobi, are you out of your mind?" she shouted as she kneeled in front of me and got everyone's attention. "Let me look at your ankle" she scolded me, pulling my pants up and revealing a very swollen and bruised ankle. I wanted to stop her, but I had no power. Everyone circled me with distressed looks and the pain intensified. 

"Hyung, don't tell me you've performed with your leg looking like that!" Tae reprimanded me.

"He did, I've seen when it happened in the first part of the song" Ha-Neul sighed. 

"How stupid can you be?" Yoongi shouted angrily.

"We have to win" I managed to mutter as my vision was getting foggier. 

The boys couldn't continue as all the contestants were asked to come on the stage for the winner to be announced. 

"I will take care of him, there is no way he is going to take another step." Ha-Neul spoke. "You go and win" she directed the boys and they followed her lead. "And then you and me we're going at the hospital as soon as you heard you've won, you foolish creature."

I could barely make out what she was saying, but I could feel something wet on my cheek as she gently pulled me in her embrace. Please, don't cry. I am in too much pain already, I can't take no more.

As everyone wished and expected, BTS passed the audition with flying colours. "You've won, silly" Ha-Neul whispered in my ear and I could finally close my eyes and drift away. 

***Ha-Neul's POV***

I could feel Hobi's body suddenly feel heavy in my arms. An ambulance was already on its way. I knew he probably fainted because of pain and exhaustion, but that didn't help to ease my worries.

The boys came back to check on their friend alongside Bang Si-hyuk, the CEO of the company that they were officially a part of starting now. He showed his concern, but also appreciation towards Hobi considering the effort he's put into the performance and how he saved it. Despite all that, the boys needed to stay and sign some documents as soon as possible so they can enroll BigHit and Hobi will have to do that later. 

"I've already called an ambulance. You deal with the paperwork and I'll take Hobi to the hospital. I know that's what he would want. Don't worry, he's just sleeping. Finish your job here and then come to visit him as soon as possible. He will be ok, he is a fighter and he'll get through that." I reassured them. They didn't feel comfortable abandoning their dear friend, but they trusted me. Tae placed a short kiss on my lips with thankful eyes, then walked out the room.

The medical personnel arrived and Hobi was moved to the ambulance. I followed closely, next to his side. He's received a pain relief injection and some ice packs were wrapped around his ankle. I stroked his hair, praying to all gods he is going to be fine. I couldn't help worrying he might not be able to dance for a while. And terrified it might be a permanent thing. My sun can't shine without being able to dance. And I will die of sadness if he loses his smile.