Catharsis

*14*

"Let's just get it over with, I know it's going to help both of us! We decided to be friends so it's only natural to know what happened!" 

"Hoseok, I am not that comfortable to speak about it now..." she said in a quiet voice.

"Why? You were perfectly fine before, you said I can ask anything." I noticed how she was at a loss of words, knowing I was right. Then I continued confidently "First of all, you are worth it, stop saying nonsense like that, you are my precious friend so you are worth it to me! Second of all, your ex is a total asshole, I hope he never shows his face around me or I'll chop his dick! Third of all, stop being so stubborn and let it all out, I know you want to cry and if you couldn't do it before, now I am here for you!" I said spreading my arms, hoping she would accept my offer. 

To my surprise she did and in the next second she was crying hard in my arms. It felt warm again, even if it was a sad moment. I pushed her harder in my chest while I was stroking her hair. It was so soft. The moment felt right. It made me happy, consoling her. I am a very affectionate person so I liked to share love. I sat there wondering why was I avoiding girls all this time? If one hurt me, that doesn't mean all of them would do the same.

The crying sounds became quieter and then Ha-Neul said something I never thought I was going to hear from her mouth: "Hobi, if you are so nice to me, I am scared I might fall for you", she tried to lift her head and look at me but I just buried her face in my chest again, feeling my cheeks getting flushed. Why is she suddenly saying that? Why would she fall in love with me?

"Don't worry, I won't let that happen. I am a good friend, but an awful boyfriend. And you can run away from me anytime if you feel endangered." I could hear a muttered thank you coming from her. It made me sad somehow. Then I started hearing soft snores. 

No way, did she just fell asleep? In my arms? I giggled. "I don't want to fall in love with you either, you dummy!" I whispered, smiling at her sleeping face. "I would only hurt you more" I said to myself as I was getting both of us more comfortable on the sofa. I realized I still haven't got the chance to tell her about what happened to me. But there was no rush, right? She would be here tomorrow morning and then for a long long time. I hope we stay friends forever. And with this happy thought I fell asleep.

But little did I know my wish will not come true. The morning came and left me feel cold again. I opened my eyes only to see a dark rainy sky and Ha-Neul missing. I wondered why she left so suddenly and was looking around to see if she left any note. While I was searching around the room I could hear my phone buzzing so I sprint to it, convinced it's a message from her. But to my surprise it was an unknown number. I open the text and while reading it, I felt my stomach shrinking.

"Good morning, Hoseok, this is Cho. I got your number from Namjoon. I am sorry to bother you, but I am really worried about Ha-Neul, I think she is on her way to meet her ex boyfriend now. I tried to stop her, but I couldn't convince her! He has been trying to make her go back to him for weeks now and I think she might give in! Can you try and make her change her mind, please? She might listen to you."

I had to read the message a couple of times before I was able to take everything in and process what's going on. I didn't see that coming, not in a million years, not after last night. I felt betrayed, angry, but mostly disappointed. I had no idea that her ex boyfriend was trying to make his way into her life again. What kind of friend am I? If only I have asked sooner... 

I looked for Ha-Neul number in my contacts and was about to ring her, but what would I say? I am so upset right now I might make things even worse and I might actually push her in those bastard's arms myself! Instead of ringing Ha-Neul, I texted Cho back: "Hi Cho, no worries, there's no bother, but I am sorry, I don't want to interfere in Ha-Neul decisions. I am in no position to do that. And I think she can handle the situation herself."

Can she though? I felt a pain in my chest. I was overtaken by concern. But she said she still loves him. Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe now is the right time for them to be together, I said to myself, trying to make me feel better.

I tried to carry on through the day without letting the situation affect me too much. I met with the boys to have a distraction, while waiting for her to get back to me.

I wondered if Tae knew about what's going on. I pretended not to know as what I needed the least now was to hear about this topic. And it would probably upset both him and Ha-Neul. No matter what happens, we are bound to find out when she will be ready to tell us.

It was late in the afternoon and there was still no sign from her so I started to feel uncomfortable. I didn't think I could hide my restlessness from the boys so I decided to go back home first.

As I tossed and turned in my bed I couldn't wait any longer so I texted Ha-Neul first.

"Hey, why did you abandon me so coldly this morning and still ignore me?" Her reply arrived a few minutes after, as my impatience grew bigger and bigger.

"Sorry, you were sleeping so soundly and looked so adorable, I just couldn't wake you up!"

"But you still abandoned me! You have to make it up to me! Can we meet?" I hoped for a positive answer from her.

"I am really sorry, Hobi, I am busy right now and I can't leave for a while."

"Then let's talk over the phone, I am fed up with these senseless texts!" I was going a bit strongly on her, hoping she is not doing what I thought she might be.

"Hobi, I can't, I am sorry. Let's talk later, ok?"

I snapped and I couldn't control myself anymore. I knew exactly the reason why she was busy and couldn't speak to me.

"It's not ok! I know you are with him! Please, don't do anything that would add up to your regrets and misery!"

I waited for a reply but it never came. Part of me was relieved to let it all out, but I knew I messed up really bad and most likely she will hate me now.