Catharsis

*2*

Me and my six friends were actually in a boy band, getting ready to audition to become an idol group. We named ourselves "BTS". We were always together after school, either hanging out or practicing together. We knew each other for so long and we were close to each other, like a true happy family.

"Am I gay now? For one of them?" I started questioning myself. It made some sense to me, we've always been together and sometimes we were getting a bit too touchy, but I always looked at it just as a brotherly love. Was there more to it? As I was walking into the small studio that we were renting for practice, I just stopped in the door, looking attentively at each of the boys, scanning them one by one. I loved them to bits and there was something that I liked in particular about each of them.

Seokjin was taking off his coat and chatting with one of my other friends. Being the oldest, Jin was also the most confident. And it made perfect sense as he is very good looking and has his own group of fan girls already, always showering him with gifts. He is also good at so many things, except dancing. But he's improved a lot and keeps up with the rest of the group. I am so impressed how hardworking he is and I know he's been practicing in secret on his own. But if we talk about his vocals, he never lets us down. When he sings I swear the world stays still just to listen to him. He is only 2 years older than me, but he acts like a mum, always taking good care of us, making sure we're eating properly and we're not catching a cold. I know he loves us a lot. He doesn't actually have any other friends. He doesn't talk much about it, but I think all his friends left him because they were envious of his popularity. Their loss. I can't ask for a better friend. But I worry about him as he doesn't talk much about himself. So I do wonder if he isn't feeling just like me - alone, sometimes.

I watch Yoongi taking off his headphones and yawning. He is my partner in crime. He is one year older than me and grumpy most of the times, but I love him anyways! And sometimes I think he loves me a bit more than the others, but that's a secret! I think he just likes my vibe and optimism! I kept my mask on mainly for him. He is super talented, we are so lucky to have him in the band. He is a such a good rapper, spitting fire with his lines. He's such an inspiration to me! And he writes songs all the times! That's all he does! Oh, and sleeping, lots of sleeping! What I love most about him is his attitude. He is fearsome. He doesn't let anyone bring him down or tell him what to do. He gives us strength and confidence. But at the same time he is just a soft teddy bear! He doesn't have a good relationship with his family, but he has us instead. I am younger than him but most of the times I need to make sure he's taking care of himself as he seems to care more about us than his own person.

I could hear Namjoon laughing at one of Jin's jokes. Namjoon is our leader. He is so cool and knowledgeable! If he wouldn't be a rapper, he would definitely become president! We are the same age, but I look up to him, even though I am a few months older than him. I sometimes feel overwhelmed in his presence, I don't know why, maybe because I feel I am not as interesting as he is. What I admire about him is his charisma, he has the ability to charm anyone with his deep voice, his rap and beautiful smile. He also takes good care of us, not only because he is the leader, but because it's in his kind nature. He always says how much he admires me, but it's the exact opposite! I know he's had some issues with his self confidence and fear of failure but we are helping him to get better and he looks happier lately. I hope he stays like that forever.

Jimin was doing some stretches... My smile grew bigger looking at him. Jiminie might be my favourite dongsaeng. He seems to gravitate around me all the time. I give him plenty of attention because it makes him happy. It makes me happy as well. We are also very touchy with each other, but that's just how we are, affectionate people. What I like about Jimin the most is his passion. He puts everything in all that he does and gives it 100% and more. He leaves me in awe every time he dances or sings. He is so majestic in his moves and his smile so beautiful. Not to mention his angelic voice and looks. Despite all that he is never confident and struggles to love himself. It's always that he's not talented enough or not slim enough or not pretty enough. I think that's why I give him so much attention, he needs to realize how perfect he is. He also takes good care of me all the time and genuinely cares... My mind suddenly stopped. Am I falling for him? It can't be. I kept denying the idea until it eventually left my mind, thinking how he seems to be the most interested in Hana among the boys. There's no way.