Love or Lust?

For Infinity♾🤞

5 months later

It still hurts to hear his name...to SEE his name. My new friend, Exavier, & I call him "He who shall not be named" whenever he asks me about how I feel but even then it still hurts because I know exactly who it is. I can't listen to certain music, I can't watch certain shows, can't even watch certain movies because it all reminds me of him. I can't get away from him. I thought I let go but I didn't...it's like I can't. I live in California with Exavier, who goes to UCLA. I decided not to go to college but instead start photography & I get paid good money for it, actually. Some people don't really want professionals, they just want people with a camera. The only person I talk to from back home is Elizabeth. I finally was able to pull myself to take off the ring but I have it in a box of stuff that reminds me of him because I just....I can't let go. I've been having dreams about him a few weeks after that night but lately they've been about us coming back together

Shanté: *in a shopping cart screaming & laughing*

Gary (oldest brother): *pushing the cart*

We get into an office & I see a small table that looks like it's meant for kids

Gary: Ok. You're gonna be here till I get done.

Shanté: Ok.

He goes to sit down at the table & begins to act like he's a boss. I chuckle & walk to the table. I was going to sit across from him when I notice that someone is beside the seat I was going to sit at...they weren't there before. I look at the face & there he is....we both groan & roll our eyes as I sit beside my brother which is a bad idea because I'm across from...He Who Shall Not Be Named. I don't even want to LOOK at him. He says something but I don't understand him but I hear him groan. With a slightly angry tone, I ask

Shanté: Why are you mad at me?

Jonathan: You BROKE me.

That hit my heart hard...I look at my uncomfortable brother & he looks at me

Shanté: Can you leave?

A few awkward seconds later, my brother leaves. J-n begins to talk about Mikaela posting someone named Brianna & he asks if I saw it. I tell him I don't have social media & he forms his mouth into the beautiful smile he has as if he's proud of me & stands up

Jonathan: Come here.

We walk to each other & begin to hug....not an "I'm proud of you" hug but an "I miss you" hug. We part our bodies but our arms still around each other & we just...look into each other's eyes. I begin to hug him again but tighter & I feel like I'm about to cry. He ends up shirtless....but I don't know how because no one took anything off. I ignore the odd moment & begin to rub my thumb on his soft, warm back. We sit there...hugging...I sigh loudly & hug him even tighter. I never want to let go

Shanté: *wakes up*

Jonathan's POV

...I lost her forever. Every night since that happened I prayed that we were going to work things out & that she was going to come back to me. She still hasn't...makes me believe that maybe we just weren't meant to be together...but I can't move on. I can't let go of her. Something is drawing me back to her...I need her