Wildfire

Eighty One

It feels bizarre barricading ourselves in my father's innermost chamber... But it is the safest spot in all of the palace, his deep-running paranoia having led him to fortify this room more heavily and much before any other part of the castle, therefore, making it the safest place for us to rush my sweet shard of starlight... And it is only made all the stranger knowing that it is likely Xiang himself trying to cave in the roof of the ballroom, in all of his insanity... 

How a once-great ruler could fall so far I shall never know... If my mother were alive and well today she would be so disgusted with the man that he has become... And I think that he knows it and that that fact is what has led his mind to such a severe and twisted fracturing... I once felt only pity for the man, and the occasional uprising of anger over the way he's chosen to behave... But now I feel nothing towards him. I just want him to disappear and leave us with at least the slightest bit of grace... But, alas, he shall do no such thing... And I find myself reduced to hiding from him in what used to be his bed-chambers while he tries to destroy part of the home he had once enjoyed so much.

There is a true rage inside of me over the day being ruined, but I am forced to keep it under control so that the fire burning deep inside of my chest does not burn my sweet Moon Beam as he trembles in my arms, his face hidden in the crook of my neck while he shivers and shakes in his fear of whoever has decided to ruin this day for us... 

...

Rayne

...

I had told them... I had told them all that I had felt as though I would never truly be welcomed here, and I was right... 

As much as Emrys wants me by his side this is wrong... It's wrong because it keeps bring us both nothing but pain... 

Marriage and finding your soulmate are meant to be the happiest of things, and instead, mine has led to multiple assaults to my person, and a tormenting of my husband's mind in the form of having to watch me suffer and needing to concern himself over my health and recovery... Him wondering if I would have ever gotten my sight back without magical interference or if he would have to serve as my guide for the rest of time... Instead of our paring answering questions for us, like why we have little strange habits that allow us to mesh so well, it has only caused more frustrating questions to appear... Like if I'd ever be able to see again, and if my ribs, which still occasionally ache on more humid days, would ever truly stop hurting... 

Emrys doesn't deserve a wife who causes him to hide away instead of rushing into battle the way I know he wishes he could... I know he would rather be outside with Cho and his men confronting whoever has decided to rain furry down upon us today... I know that he wants nothing more than to go toe to toe with his father... And Shen as well for all the damage that he has caused whether or not Xiang asked him to do it as a royal favor... I know that he wishes he could throttle them both for the way that they've talked about me, and the damage that they've tried to do to my reputation to try and manipulate the people into objecting to my sitting on Emrys's lap as Queen... But I also know that he shall do no such thing because he has promised to always stay by my side, and he would never even consider pulling me into the fray that must be unfolding outside in the air and on the ground by the sound of it.

Emrys deserves someone who can stand on their own... Someone who knows the difference between a sedative and poison... He needs a Queen that was trained to actually stand by his side... Which I wasn't... Not truly... None of us truly expected, I don't think, that I would ever actually be allowed to present myself... Of course, my family had hoped that I would be able to stay, but we had all been uncertain of whether or not I would be joining my sisters descending that long staircase into the hall to stand before my now-husband... And instead he has me... Nothing more than a runt who was lucky enough to be left on the doorstep of one of the kinder branch families... I've done absolutely nothing to earn my place here... And while I've no real idea of how to do that I know that I've got no business keeping the King from defending his home or demanding that he take shelter with me. 

...

Emrys

...

The feel of Rayne's nails biting into the flesh of my back startles me out of discussing possible defensive measures that could further be implemented in here so that even if Cho and his men aren't a match for Xiang and Shen, the both of whom we think are currently here from what we can make out from the noise filtering its way in here to us... But it certainly gets my attention which seems to be his purpose, his golden eyes, when they meet mine, glistening with unshed tears, his bottom lip wobbling in all of his efforts not to cry. 

"E-Emrys. I-If you want to go and join the fight... I... I shouldn't stop you from confronting Xiang... You have every right with how he's treated both of us." It's a stunning offer from the love of my life, and it means the world to me that he would want me to go seek vengeance upon the man who has caused us both so much pain... But there is absolutely no way I could ever leave his side... 

I need Rayne like I need air, water, and sunshine... I need him in every aspect of my life, and to leave him for the sake of finally putting Xiang in his place would be unforgivable and unthinkable, especially with the added danger of still not knowing who had dared out that single red rose and letter on the table beside us in all of its menacing aura and dread-causing nature..."I need to stay with you and keep you out of harms way, Moon Beam."