The Heart Wants What It Wants (Completed)

CHAPTER 38

I couldn’t think straight. My feeling was all over the place. Is that it? Lucy is back in his life and I don’t matter anymore.

How come things never go away? Life has been difficult for me. My mom died. I have a family, but it’s like I don’t.

Maybe I’m the problem. Maybe I’m not destined to have anyone to call my own. I bit my nails and continued thinking.

Would I have a relationship with my child? Would he leave me someday too?

“Ma’am, we are here” I turned from the mirror to face the pale-looking cab driver, who is trying hard to keep a smiling face.

“I didn’t realize, i’m sorry.” I apologized. At the entrance of the airport, I took my bags from the trunk. My eyes fixed on the cab till I couldn’t see it anymore.

It was 11:30 now, but I still didn’t move. I stood rooted to a spot, people passing by, looking at me. If I stayed a little longer, Demilade might just show up. He might just chase after and beg me not to leave, and I end up telling him about his child.

I knew he wouldn’t show up, but I didn’t want to believe it. He kissed Lucy, a woman he has been in love with forever. The connection they have would be stronger than ours, for sure.

The memories won’t fade that easily. I questioned our relationship from the beginning to the end. And blamed me for agreeing to it from the beginning.

I turned on my heels and headed inside. I had several missed calls from Daria. I wasn’t in the mood to pick and start explaining myself. Someone who has been amazing to me wouldn't want me to snap at them.

I got on the plane and took my seat. H
The gnawing feeling of being on a plane came unnoticed.

The fear of flight is still there. I thought I would have gotten over it already. I felt funny, but one thing I was sure of is I won't puke. Never!

  The plane hadn’t taken off yet, so the feeling was still bearable. I remembered how Demilade and I slept beside each other the last time. What I felt was fear, but not fear of flight. I was so close to him it was overwhelming. I forgot the other fear instantly.

  I can still remember all of it like it happened yesterday. How he let me hug him when I was too afraid to touch him. How he smelled, how he teased me. I let the tears slip through my eyes, but quickly wiped them away.

Thinking about it now. He’s never totally ignored me. He cared for me in his closed-off way. And I found out that’s what I liked about him. He ignores sometimes but still pays attention.

The way he wrapped that sweater around me so I wouldn’t freeze to death. I wouldn’t trade the seven months with him for anything. Even though most of it wasn't without ups, down, and lots of tears.

The bad feeling I dreaded, the voice that kept telling me something bad would happen... well, it was finally here. I hadn’t braced myself enough.

I thought if I told Demilade everything, Since I hid everything from him. All would be well, but I guess not.

The plane took off, and I slapped my hands together. My mind suddenly drifted to that night. I needed a distraction, and what better distraction? It passed after a while and I let out a sigh. I stared blankly at my phone, but nothing interested me. A few people were already in their zone, so I just zoned out, too.

The last time I was on the plane... I remembered my dad praying for me to get pregnant as quickly as possible. My immediate reaction was a snicker, but then it came true. The only difference was that the package came without a father.