The Heart Wants What It Wants (Completed)

CHAPTER 5

Above is what I think Demilade should look like. Isn’t he cute?

I can’t do this. I have been thinking about the ridiculous conversation I had with Demilade yesterday and I still haven’t reached a conclusion. About marriage, I don’t know if it’s something I want to do. Yes! I have thought about and been a witness to happy marriages, my parents' marriage not being one of them. But I am still in the middle of whether it’s something I want to do.

I think it’s perfect for me. Since I am not sure about it. This could be like a practice that would help me get my answer.

This is something I could do. Get married to him and not be his wife. I wasn’t dating anyone. I had nobody to worry about. But I like him... I stopped pacing in my darkroom. I grabbed my head and shook it vigorously. Maybe my brain had slightly shifted from its original position.

I couldn’t believe I was thinking about it. What have I got to lose? My feelings for him can’t be a problem. All I need to do is hide it so he doesn’t find out. And since he already has someone he wishes to be with, it would be like stepping aside.

I wanted to stop thinking about him and just tell him I couldn’t continue, but something else... maybe the devil, kept telling me I could do it. Maybe I can, it’s just marriage and I don’t love him. I liked him and that’s all. He said he’d give me money, anything I wanted.

If only I was materialistic, the anything I wanted part would entice me more, but I just wanted to help. Him. If it’s for love, then it’s worth it. I thought what would happen If I took a guy home and my dad doesn’t like him. The problem would be with my dad, I am sure of it. He can be excessively annoying.

I laid on my bed and told myself maybe when I wake up the next tomorrow morning everything would be alright. I yawned out loud and closed my eyes, waiting for sleep to take me away, away from this world, ones that’s filled with troubles and heartaches and sham marriages to the better one. My utopia.

I woke up the next day with a headache. My head is throbbing. Well, that’s what I get for overthinking and sleeping by 3 in the morning. My alarm doesn’t care, it still rung at 7.

I figured I couldn’t stop thinking about Demi. That’s my nickname for him. I saw him even in my dream. It was just the two of us, though; we were smiling, and we looked happy. Gazing at each other like it was just us existing in the world. How I wished it was real, and I didn’t have to go through what I was dealing with right now.

When I got to work, I sat quietly at my table watching everything and everyone. Mayowa, Eliza and Chioma were having a conversation while Nike sat down quietly too, looking pissed at them. I knew she was having a hard time working because of their noise but she was just too gentle to say anything and I suddenly had the urge to help her.

“Guys! I need to run something by you.”
I said to them, garnering their attention.

“What’s up?.” Mayowa asked, plopping down on his chair, uncaring. He would have been really handsome and attractive if he wasn’t so playful and extra. Mayowa is the guy that can say anything. Irrespective of it’s socially acceptable or not.

I am sure he has plenty of women dying to be with him. I am not just one of them.

“Would any of you here marry someone who is in love with another person if the person offers you money and a divorce after?”1 told them, trying to act like it wasn’t about me.

“I don’t understand.” Eliza said.

“Like a contract, he needs to get his parents off his back and he asks you to marry him. He promises you a divorce and enormous sum of money after would you do it?” I explained again, looking at their thinking faces.

“I would if it’s just business and I don’t have feelings for him.” Chioma answered, and I wondered how she made a decision so quickly. While I spent all night tossing and turning in bed. But what do I except from an Igbo lady?

Chioma and I got talking through Eliza. She was a bit of a snub when I got here, but two can play that game. We ignored each other till one day when we didn’t.

“I would do it. Totally, if I’m not in love with the person or like the person in the slightest way possible.” Eliza said, nodding her head." Because it’s going to be difficult when one of the party is in love with the other."

“Me too. Who love help?” Mayowa agreed with her and the place went quiet.

“Why are you asking this and where did you get the idea? Eliza asked. Obviously, right?” I didn’t think I’d escape like that.

“I saw it on Facebook” l lied and I think she bought it because the place went quiet again.

Eliza is suspicious. She’s looking at me suspiciously, and I am doing everything to avoid her eyes. It’s my life regardless of anyone’s opinion. And to do this, I have to be as discreet as possible.

There aren't any feelings, it’s just a little like. This is something I Could do. Without as much as another thought, I rose quietly and left their midst for his office. Except a sign from God would make me stop. I have worked it out. What if love isn't for me but made for me to give to the people I care about?

I have always had this had the back of my mind. I figured ignoring it was better. So, I continued to believe in my prince charming finding me one day. Who knows, maybe my mission is to find him.

The money I get from this arrangement would set me up for life. I can travel the world or something, my heart thumping with every step I took.

I walked in and headed straight for his table. He raised his head to see who it was and his face lit up when he saw me.

“I’ll do it.” I said before he could say anything. Or before I could change my mind.

“I would help you,” I said again. A little certain this time. He looked confused and when he finally came to, he stood up, came round the table to meet me.

“Are you serious?” He asked, grabbing my hands. He doesn’t know what he does to me. His hands are really soft. I remind myself I am doing this for myself, for the money.

“Are you serious? Then I have to think of something to tell my parents. A lie that they can’t refuse”.

“Yes... but I don’t know if your dad would agree to it.” I told him. It didn’t occur to me until now that the Big Boss might have a problem with this.

“Why do you say that” he asked, looking confused again

“Well... because...” I stuttered." Never mind. I have to get back to work now," I said to him before he could probe me for more info.

“Don’t worry about my parents. They wouldn’t have a choice but to let us get married.”

“I’ll be sending you some paperworks for you to sign. There will be no going back on your words.”

“Definitely. I keep my promises.”

He looked up at me, lifted his hands. I thought he was going to hug me for a second there, but he didn’t. He let his hands drop by his side. He wouldn’t even touch another woman if he loved Lucy. I shook my head when I realize I was going back on my words."

“Oyinkan, don’t worry. I’d pay you handsomely for this,” he assured me again, and I just forced a smile.

Sluggishly, I walk to back to my office. Toyin sat in her chair and I could tell she’s burning with curiosity.

I sat in my chair, lost in thought. There was still pain in my heart. I was jealous of Lucy, which I shouldn’t be if I wanted this...no us to work. I quickly shoved the feeling deep down into a place I was sure it wouldn’t surface from again.

I wondered what the Big Boss would have to say about us. I should have told Demilade, but I didn’t want to ruin a perfectly good father and son relationship. If I didn’t have one, that doesn’t mean I should make someone else’s as bad as mine. He adores his father, that I knew for sure.

Should I tell Eliza? I don’t know how she’d take it. What if she tries to talk me out of it?

“Are you okay? You look pale.” Chioma asked

“I am alright. Thank you.” I lied. I smiled at her