Heartbeat - BTS

01

I lied down on my bed, still holding the white card that might change my future. It might be the start of my brighter future or not.

I want something that I'll enjoy while doing it and I want something that I know I'm capable of. I want it to be realistic, but sadly, Grandma is forcing me to be a business woman, just like my father.

I'm not really into business stuffs, and I'm just in 7th Grade, barely holding up. I don't really know what I want to be when I grow up,

But I want something that I'm really passionate about, I want something that I love doing. Just like how I love performing.

With that thought, I immediately got up from the bed, I felt every beat that my heart made, and butterflies growing on my stomach. A smile formed on my chapped lips, excitement grew on me.

I want to be an idol. I want to perform just like how my idols do.

I finally made up my decision, and the next step is to find a company that can capture my heart.

"Rin! Dinner!" I heard Nana said as I kept the business cards in my cabinet, where the other 3 business cards are.

I've been getting them since yesterday, but I haven't found the right company, yet.

**

I'm beside Nana, drying the dishes while she wash them.

Nana knows that I perform on the streets, but she doesn't know that I earn money from it.

"Nana?" I called her as she hummed, Nana and Pops raised me and they knew me very well, more than my parents. My own parents doesn't even know what my favorite color is, and it makes me sad that I didn't have the chance to be with them.

"What if I want to be an idol instead of a business woman?" I asked her as she stopped washing the plates, she looked at me and I looked away, afraid that she might scold me.

I know how much she wants me to be a successful business woman, she wants me to have my own company, so that I can have a bright future. But that's what she thinks.

I don't think I'll ever finish studying if I pursue a career that I'm not even interested in.

"That'll be great, Jae! I'll cheer for you and go to your concerts, I'll be happy with whatever you want, Jae." Pops said between our conversation.

I smiled sweetly at him, "Thanks Pops. I love you!" I shoot hearts to him and he playfully caught it and kissed it as we laughed together.

"That's amazing, Jaerin, but I still want you to pursue business, okay? We don't want to waste that smart mind of yours, alright?" Grandma dried her hands as she finished washing the dishes, leaving me with a towel and many wet plates to wipe.

"Jae.." Pops said as I looked at him with a frown,

"Do you really want to be an idol?" He asked as I nodded, performing makes me happy.

"I-I, I just don't understand why Nana keeps forcing me to be a business woman. Why can't I have my own dreams?" I placed the plate down as I sat down on the chair, tears threatening to fall.

I want to be free, I want to have my own decisions, and dreams. Why can't Nana understand that?

Pops tapped his long nail to our wooden table, it's his way to grab my attention.

I looked at him as he smiled, "Look, Jae.. I know your Grandma is very strict about your dreams. But don't let her get into your own dreams, okay? I want you to be what you want to be. You shouldn't let others get on your way, okay?" He comforted me as I smiled and nodded

"Go on and finish drying up those plates. We'll talk about this tomorrow." Pops said as he kissed my forehead.

Pops has been like this since I was young, he wants me to achieve and have my own dreams. He wants me to be independent in this world full of challenges and obstacles.

However, Nana has been telling me since I was young that she wants me to be someone successful, she wants other to look up on me.

I finished drying up the plates as I arranged them carefully.

I went up to my room as I prepared to drift off to the dreamland. I turned on my nightlight because I can't sleep when it's not open.

I looked straight as the moon and star stickers on my ceiling glowed, I raised my arm as I pretended to reach them.

I closed my eyes as I placed my arm down, then I drifted off to the dreamland.

I still have a long day ahead of me.

© staerryniights
     — kookarchives