The Drunken Feathers

Scene V

(A street in London. FOX, SHERIDAN, MRS. ARMISTEAD, and the DUCHESS OF DEVONSHIRE walk around gaining votes for FOX's reelection. MRS. ARMISTEAD and MRS. SHERIDAN, along with several other WHIGS, also canvas for votes. The DUCHESS OF DEVONSHIRE offers kisses in exchange for votes.)

FOX and SHERIDAN

Vote for Fox! Fox forever! A vote for Fox is a vote against tyranny!

FOX

(Checking his watch)

Prinny said he would campaign with us today, yet here he is not.

SHERIDAN

Perhaps he is preparing for tonight's ball. I hear he has invited Mrs. Fitzherbert, so he must be striving for perfection.

FOX

His mind is so fixed upon that damned papist that he is beginning to neglect matters of importance, the impending elections above all else!

SHERIDAN

Well, worry not; he will soon tire of her reluctance and find someone else to warm his bed.

FOX

What if he does not? What if his love and her morals prove unalterable and they marry out of desperation? The very notion keeps me awake at night.

SHERIDAN

His 'love' you speak of is common lust, which though it is fervent, is even more fleeting than love. The candle that burns the brightest expires the fastest.

FOX

I do not disagree, though he has convinced himself she is the love of his life.

(Beat, anxious)

Richard, give me some reassurance; you do not honestly believe the prince would forfeit the crown to marry her... do you?

SHERIDAN

Men act foolishly when they believe themselves to be in love. I was nearly killed in a duel defending the honor of the lady who is now my wife. In short, there is no telling what Prinny will do, but we can pray he will eventually abandon the idea.

FOX

Hmph, like that will do us any good. The matter is far too grave for us to lie like dogs and do nothing. If Prinny marries Mrs. Fitzherbert, the Whigs lose any chance of forming a government under him, or anyone for that matter, for I venture his brother is as much a Tory as their father; otherwise, he would not be the king's favorite. No, we have got to nip this Mrs. Fitz business in the bud before we lose everything.

SHERIDAN

And how would you manage that?

FOX

I am a statesman, Richard, and a damned good one at that. I'll see to it he gets Mrs. Fitzherbert, but only under our terms.

SHERIDAN

No, Charles. If we encourage him to pursue Mrs. Fitzherbert as his mistress, he will find he has been set up for failure, for we know she will not take a lover. If we tell him to forget her entirely, he will want her all the more and go into a frenzy, resulting in some drastic action. The best thing we can do in this circumstance is nothing. Meddling will only worsen it.

(FOX pouts as music begins to play. Cut to SCENE VI.)