Amanda hurried into the squad room a few minutes late as usual, sunglasses still perched on her nose, ignoring the curious stares from her fellow detectives as she made her way to her desk.
"She in?" she asked her partner, nodding her head toward the Lieutenant's office where the blinds were currently closed.
Fin nodded. "She's on the phone." He continued to stare at her searchingly. "You alright, Amanda?" He asked, an inquisitive eyebrow raised.
"Yeah.. Yeah." She smiled, setting her things down on her desk and removing her sunglasses.
"Didn't think we'd see you today," Fin shared dully, resting his chin on his fist. "Aren't you taking the Sergeant's exam?"
Amanda nodded. "My time's not till this afternoon."
"So, are you ready, Rollins?" Carisi asked excitedly, jumping in. His bubbly personality was usually something she could tolerate, but in this moment, it was grating on her nerves.
His question, though not uncalled for, unleashed a swarm of memories she'd been working so hard to push to the back of her mind. Studying for the exam with Olivia. Dinner. The kissing, the touching, having her hand in her Lieutenant's leggings...
"Rollins?" Carisi prodded.
"Uh-yeah. Yeah, I think so." She replied, breathing shakily as she recovered. She gave the detective a thin lipped smile as she stuffed her purse into the bottom drawer of her desk.
"You think?" The detective walked over, perching on the side of her desk. "When I took the bar exam, I studied for months in advance. Gotta be prepared for-"
"Sonny, I'm not really in the mood for talking right now, okay?" Amanda snapped, cutting him off. Immediately, she felt bad. "I'll let you know how it goes after." She added, attempting to soften the harsh words from before.
Carisi put his palms up, backing off, "I get it. Pre-test jitters. You'll do great."
Triggered or not, the memories were relentless. It had been a few days since dinner at Olivia's, but every single moment of that night replayed vividly in her mind on a loop.
Olivia walked out a few moments later, eyes darting from detective to detective. She arched a brow as she made her way to the coffee machine. "What's so important that you've all stopped working?" She joked, pouring the hot drink into her mug.
Amanda gulped and turned her head, unable to look at her boss.
"Just makin' sure Amanda's ready for her exam today, Lieu." He replied, unknowingly saving Rollins from embarrassing herself.
Olivia hummed as she added sugar then turned around, leaning against the counter, stirring. "That's right." She acknowledged, eyes sliding over to the blonde.
Amanda let their gazes lock for a second, hoping to read Olivia, but she couldn't. Unable to withstand the older woman's intense stare without more images of that night whirring through her head, she tore her eyes away, focusing on the desktop instead.
Hours later, Olivia sat in her office, her stare continuously drawn over the top of her laptop screen to eye Amanda through the open blinds. All day, the blonde had kept mostly to herself, diligently working through paperwork. The few times she did engage with her squadmates, Olivia noticed the interactions were forced, and Amanda struggled to maintain eye contact.
While the Lieutenant had to acknowledge that the days following their study dinner had been somewhat awkward, the skittish behavior her detective was displaying now seemed out of sorts, and it troubled her. She wondered if it was just last-minute jitters, or if Amanda was coming to regret what had happened at her apartment the other night.
