War in Katipunan

Kabanata 25

KABANATA 25.

Reasons.

“MA,”

The woman on a lavender dress slowly turned around. Bakas ang gulat sa mukha ni mama nang makita niya ako. Nabitawan niya pa ang hawak niyang walis tingting at agad na naglakad papalapit saakin. Agad na nanlabo ang paningin ko at nangilid ang luha nang hawakan ni mama ang pisnge ko.

Memories of my childhood suddenly flashed through my mind. The smiling face of my mother who took care of me and raised me. Ang luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan ay nag-unahang tumulo. All these years, I was thinking of a reason why I can’t be fully happy. I have my friends and I’m doing good at school. But now, I realized why.

I was longing for a mother’s touch, my mother’s touch. Kahit na sa’yo na ang lahat ng bagay na hinangad mo, hindi ka tuluyang magiging masaya kung wala ang mga magulang mo. I read on a book before, It’s better to lose an argument than to lose the person. I thought it was just for romantic relationships, that’s why I didn’t believed it before.

Now that I’m here with my mother, I realized that the phrase says a lot, and it was true. It’s better to lose my pride and ego. Who cares about pride and ego anyway? It’s my mother we’re talking about, and I’m not losing her. Not now, not ever.

AFTER THAT crying session on our front yard, pumasok kami sa loob para doon mag-kwentuhan. My mother was looking at me all the time. I find it creepy but I understand. She never saw her only daughter for three years. It was understandable.

Pero ang hindi ko maintindihan ay kung paano naging close agad si mama at Luthor. The great Luthor de Leon immediately befriended my mother for him to make his way to my mom’s kitchen! That guy!

“Ma, dapat hindi mo ‘yan pinabayaan sa kusina. Baka maging makalat ang kusina mo.” Sabi k okay mama habang pinagmamasdan naming si Luthor na magluto sa kusina habang kami naman ni mama ay nasa sala.

Tumawa lang si mama sa sinabi ko. “Hayaan mo na, ‘Nak. Minsan ka lang magdala ng kaibigan dito eh.” My mom being kind-hearted, hinayaan niya lang si Luthor na magkalat sa kusina niya. Pero alam ko naman ang totoong dahilan kung bakit gusto ni Luthor pumunta sa kusina. She wants to give me and my mother time to talk privately.

“Ma,” hindi ako makatingin kay mama. I was playing with my fingers when she looked at me. “Hmm?”

“Ma, I’m sorry for not going home for years.” I said in a low voice. Nahihiya ako sa ginawa ko. Hindi ko dapat ‘yon ginawa kay mama. All she ever did was to love me but I did the opposite. Kahit pa kanina niya pa sinasabi na naiintindihan niya ako, I know what I did was wrong.

“’Nak,” she said softly. “I understand. You we’re a minor when me and your papa separated. Naiintindihan ko na naapektuhan ka rin sa paghihiwalay namin. Iyon ang hindi naming pinag-isipan ng papa mo. We never thought about you when we separated. Masyado naming inisip ang mga sarili namin at hindi inisip na ikaw ang pinakamaaapektuhan.”

“Ma…”

“Your father has been contacting me,” napalingon ako agad kay mama. She smiled at me. “He was asking about you. For the past years, we keep our contact.” I bit my lip. I’ve been a burden to my mother. Alam kong nahihirapan siyang makipag-usap kay papa dahil well… they separated for whatever reason. Tapos ang malamang nagkaka-usap sila dahil sa’kin, it must be hard for my mother.

“Ma, you don’t have to. I mean, I don’t know why you separated. Pero kung nahihirapan kang makipag-usap kay papa, ‘wag mo nang gawin. I will just talk to him.” Mama smiled softly at me and caressed my hair. Adoration and love were visible on her eyes every time she’s looking at me. I can’t believe na natiis ko si mama ng ilang taon.