sixteen

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Harry

Julia was on her way over.

I was trying to think about what I would say to her, because I knew I couldn't keep this relationship going.

It wasn't fair to her.

The doorbell rang and I swung the door open to see, Julia, her dark hair tied up, and her body snug into a black romper.

"Hey." She whispered, kissing my cheek and stepping inside. She looked at me carefully and cleared her throat. "Will you tell Amanda I'm sorry... about Jack." She said, slowly and I nodded.

"I can't imagine what she's going through." She sighed, looking at me and I stepped up to her.

"Yeah, um that's what I've been meaning to talk to you about," I coughed. "I'm sorry, Julia, but I can't-"

"I know." She interrupted. "You're still in love with her."

I didn't bother to ask how she knew; I guess it was just that obvious.

"I just need to be there for her right now," I explained. "I don't know if she'll let me but when the time comes... I'm sorry I dragged you into this."

"I understand, Harry." She said, walking over to me.

"I just... thought I could get over her, but I can't." I told her and she nodded, taking my hand in hers.

"It's okay." She answered, and I was surprised at how well she was taking everything, but I was just relieved I wasn't dragging her into my drama anymore.

Amanda

The next day I tried to be as upbeat like I usually was for Josie, so that I could at least be in the right state of mind when she started to ask about Jack.

Which I knew would happen eventually.

Harry called me once and left a voicemail. He explained that he was sorry and that he would give me space, and to let him know if I needed anything.

I should've known about how he felt...

But the fact that he read my journal and saw what I wrote... it just made it even more real. And I felt guilty.

Really guilty.

But I didn't love Harry. I couldn't. Not anymore.

Because that's the reason Jack is dead.

"Mommy, look!" Josie exclaimed, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Mr. Wiggles wants to give you a kiss!" She laughed, and pressed his face against my cheek.

"Oh, thank you!" I gasped, kissing Mr. Wiggles back on the cheek and tickling Josie as she laughed.

"Mama?" She whispered, once I stopped and her laughter ceased. "When is Jack coming back?"

Fuck.

Don't cry, don't cry. You got this.

"Um, come here, sweetie." I sighed, patting my lap, and she sat down. "Remember what mommy told you about heaven?" I asked, and she nodded. "Well... Jack is there now."

"Is... he coming back?" She questioned, looking up at me and I took a deep breath.

"No, sweetie, he's not." I swallowed, fighting back my tears."But, hey, look at me." I said, turning her to face me as I noticed her lip start to quiver.

"He loves you so much, and he wouldn't want you to be sad, okay?" I told her, and she nodded slowly. "If you keep him here," I said gesturing to her heart, by pointing at her chest. "He'll always be with you, okay?"

"Okay." She sniffed, and I pulled her to me, hugging her tight as I let out a breath.

Saying those words out loud, also helped me too.

So she and I watched Doc McStuffins until it got later and she fell asleep in my arms. I turned off the TV and carried her to her room, where I tucked her into bed.

I made my way into my own room, where I got into bed. I glanced at the photo on the nightstand of Jack and I, and I took a deep breath.

"Goodnight, Jack."

-

"Mommy."

I woke up to Josie, standing beside my bed, her tiny hands shaking me.

"What, baby?"

"I heard something." She whispered, and I pulled her into the bed with me. I checked the time on the clock beside me and saw that it was 2 am.

"It was probably just the neighbors, sweetie." I told her. "Do you want to sleep in here?" I asked and she nodded. I pulled the covers back over her and held her to me as we started to fall back asleep.

It must've only been a few minutes before I heard it too.

A sound coming from somewhere in the apartment. It was faint, but I could hear it.

What the fuck?

I got up from the bed, tip toeing towards the bedroom door.

"Stay here." I whispered to Josie and she nodded.

I walked slowly down the hallway, trying to see in the dark because I was scared to turn on the light.

As I walked into the living room, I heard footsteps in the kitchen. I walked as quietly as I could without making a sound.

I could see a dark figure standing on the opposite end of the kitchen, their back facing me.

What the fuck, holy shit...

"I can hear you, Amanda." A voice whispered, and I knew that voice.

I flipped on the kitchen light to see Patrick standing near the sink. He turned around to face me, and smirked.

"God, am I glad to see you."

--

😳
-Mel

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