play family [harry styles] book 2

fifteen

Amanda

Today was Jack's funeral.

A week later. I finally had to get out of bed and get dressed, making my way to the church where it was held this morning.

Harry was watching Josie, so I'd be attending alone.

As I walked up the sidewalk of the church, I could see his family and friends making their way inside.

I took a deep breath and walked to the entrance.

You can do this.

Before I could even fully get inside, I saw him.

His body laying in the casket; I could see his father standing over him, tears in his eyes.

I couldn't do it.

I could feel the tears coming and now I was starting to feel nauseous. My legs carried me down the hallway of the church to the nearest bathroom, where I threw up.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't do it.

I sat on the floor and cried into my hands.

It was real. He was really gone... and it's all my fault.

There was a knock on the bathroom door and I heard a voice.

"Amanda, are you in here?"

Serena.

The knob twisted, and the door opened. Sure enough Serena walked in. She saw me crying on the floor, and rushed to hug me.

"I'm so sorry, Amanda." She breathed pulling me close.

"It's about to start, you have to-"

"Serena, I can't." I sobbed, and she looked at me and nodded.

"Yes, you can." She whispered. "I'm right here with you. We all are."

I looked up and noticed that Ezra and Oliver were standing in the doorway, and they bent down to hug me.

"We're so sorry," Oliver uttered, his voice cracking.

So we sat there, for a few minutes just holding each other before we stood up. It was good to have them all back with me, but I hated that it was under these circumstances.

"Let's go." Serena whispered, taking my hand and leading us all back into the church.

You can do this. You can do this.

We took took our seats at the front, and Jack's dad came up to me and hugged me tight before sitting down.

The funeral started and I tried to listen, I really did. All I could do was stare at his body in the casket.

I'm so sorry, Jack.

I couldn't believe I had lost another person that I loved, and as I sat there in the church listening, I cried again.

Serena must've noticed because she reached over and held my hand tight, and so did Ezra from the other side of me.

After the ceremony, I stood up to leave and Serena stopped me.

"Are you okay?" She asked, and Ezra and Oliver walked up to us. "We can stay with you if you want..."

"Um... I'm fine." I whispered, giving them a small smile. "I think I just need some time alone." I told them and they nodded.

"We're always here if you need anything." Ezra assures, and I thanked them before walking out.

I could finally breathe once I was outside; it was like I was holding in my breath.

I got in my car and drove.

At first I didn't know where; I just needed to go somewhere.

-
Harry

Jack's funeral was this morning.

I was watching Josie at my place, while Amanda attended.

It was now 8 pm. It'd been hours since Amanda left and I was starting to get worried.

Josie had been asleep for a couple of hours, and I was just waiting for Amanda to get back.

Before I could do anything else, I heard the garage door close and Amanda walked in through the kitchen.

She was wearing a black dress that went down to her knees; her eyes were puffy, and seeing her like this broke my heart.

She grabbed a glass from the cupboard and poured herself a glass of water. I walked over to her, not sure if she would even talk.

"Are you okay?" I asked, as she took a sip, her eyes cast away from me.

After a few seconds, she nodded, putting down her glass.

"We were arguing." She said finally, looking up at me.

"What?"

"The night he died. We were arguing." She admitted. "That's why he left and then started drinking..." I could see where this was going and I took a step towards her.

"Amanda-"

"So it's my fault." She swallowed. "I drove him away and-"

"Amanda," I breathed, walking up to her. "It's not your fault. You couldn't have known..."

She stepped back and took a deep breath. I watched as a tear fell down her cheek after a few seconds, and she looked back up at me.

"Are you in love with me, Harry?" She questioned, and I was surprised. Is that what this was about?

"What? I-"

"Please, just tell me the truth." She whispered, looking at me with those big blue eyes that I could see were filled with pain.

"Yes." I answered, and she let out a breath, putting her hand to her face.

"God, he was right." She sniffed, backing away from me. "He kept telling me and I didn't believe him and-"

"Amanda, listen. I didn't want to tell you because I was afraid I would ruin everything, but-"

"How long?" She asked, looking me in the eyes, and I sighed.

"Three years."

"I'm so stupid," she breathed, turning away from me.

"Amanda, I'm sorry." I spoke, walking up to her. "A-and I know this is bad timing, but you loved me too."

She stopped and looked up at me, her brows furrowing in confusion.

"What?"

"You wrote it in your journal and-"

"You read my fucking journal?" She shouted, stepping back from me.

"Yes, and I'm sorry, but I thought something was wrong-"

"You had no right to do that, Harry!" She yelled, her eyes starting to water again. "What I wrote was private."

"I know. But I saw it and you love me too... or at least you did but-"

"You're wrong, Harry." She spoke, firmly. "I don't love you, okay? The only person I've ever loved is Jack." She shouted, her lip quivering.

"Amanda, I'm sorry..."

"I need to go get Josie." She muttered, running up the stairs to Josie's room.

I didn't think she was stable enough to be on her own right now, but before I could do anything, she was carrying a sleeping Josie back down the steps.

"Amanda, wait." I said, trying to stop her but she was already at the door, slamming it behind her.

I guess that wasn't the right time to bring that up.

I figured it be best if I just let her be alone right now, and give her some space...

Way to screw things up even more.

--

and I oop-

-Mel