FNAF on Drugs: Bonnie on Crack, 5 Nerds at Freddy's, and other jacked-up stories

5 Nerds at Freddy's

  ONE DAY:

Author (approaches freddy fazbear's pizza with her Band of Nerds): Alright, bruhs, we're here!

Clueless: So this is where you got us new jobs?

Author: I sure as heck did! *grins* Don't worry, I've worked here before, I know EXACTLY what to do!

Lauren (rolls eyes): Give it a rest, Author, no matter what you do you NEVER know what you're doing.

 Author: ...

Author: You are absolutely correct Lauren.

LATER:

(Author and the squad enter the building)

Human: Holy crap, I haven't seen a place this run-down since I worked at the last Freddy's.

Author: You mean the one with the creepy drug-dealing Marionette and that steriod-infused robot, Billy?

Human: yeah.

(footsteps)

Naz: Oh crap guys! I think I know who that is...

(Freddy and the other four animatronics approach)

Freddy: Who the heck are you five?!

Author (standing up bravely): I am AUTHOR, and I am here to take on this place with my Band of Nerds!

(Naz and Lauren facepalm)

Clueless: What am I supposed to do again

Author (gestures toward Chica): Say hello to Chica the Duck, everyone!

Chica (enraged): I thought you learned from our last run that I am a chicken!

Author: Really? You certainly look like a duck to me...

(Chica slaps Author)

Foxy (steps in the front of the crowd): Hi Author, remember me?

Author: Yeah, I think so. Cami the Coyote, right?

Foxy (whispers to Freddy): She remembers, all right.

Human: OK, Author, what's the plan now?

Naz (pulls out twin pistols): DO I GET TO SHOOT SOMEONE

Author: Alright, my idea is this: Each of us splits up and watches one animatronic, then when our week is over we split the pay.

Naz (puts away guns): Legit enough for me.

Clueless: Sweet! I call the duck!

Chica: CHICKEN.

Author: Now wait just a minute, Clueless, I'M choosing who goes with who! I'll go first! I pick... hmm... *points to Foxy* CAMI THE COYOTE!

Foxy: I'm a FOX!!

 (Human and Naz face each other. Naz pulls out a coin.)

Naz: Coin toss to see who gets Freddy.

(Naz throws coin up in the air, slaps it down onto her wrist and reveals...)

Naz: HA! YOU GET THE BEAR!

Human: Oh, come ON!

Lauren: Wait a second, Author... Who do I get?

Author: Hmm... let's see... you get... CHICA!

Chica: At least you got my NAME right!

Author (whipsers to Lauren): Don't worry, bro, she's a DUCK. Believe me, I know from experience. All she does is EAT.

Chica: I heard that, you arrogant little-

TIME SKIP

(Author has been paired with Foxy, Lauren with Chica, Human with Golden Freddy, Naz with Bonnie and Clueless with Freddy)

Author (looking at camera): Huh. Cami certianly seems inactive tonight...

Foxy (glaring at camera): I am A FOX, Author.

Author: Hmmm... *studies Foxy's image on the camera* Yup, coyote. Definetly a coyote.

Foxy: FOX.

Author: Coyote. Coy-ooooo-teeee. Coyote~...

Foxy (enraged): Alright that does it! Here I come, ya little-

SOME WAY AWAY

(Naz and Bonnie)

Naz: Christ, what is this thing, a hippo with rabbit ears?

Bonnie: I'm an acutal rabbit, you jerk.

Naz: you sure you don't do crack or something?

Bonnie: *too insulted to repond*

Naz: That's what I thought. I'm calling the rehab center...

(Human and Goldie)

Human (sees Golden Freddy): The heck are you?

Gold: *leaves*

Human: that was easier than I thought.

(Lauren and Chica)

Lauren (hears loud racket coming from the kitchen): SHUT UP IN THERE CHICA

Chica: Make me!

Lauren: I'll remove your bib and shove it up your nose

Chica: CHRIST FINE *leaves kitchen*

Lauren (yells down the hallway): THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR PLAYING WITH POTS AND PANS LIKE A FREAKIN CHILD!

(Clueless and Freddy)

*Freddy is banging at Clueless' door*

Clueless: HOLY DEARSWEET JESUS WHERE DID I GO WRONG!!!???

Freddy: Jeez, lady, you're a bigger wimp than Mike.

Mike (appears from nowhere): Am not! I-I mean... *sweats*

Freddy (laughs): You're so gullible, Mike, it's hilarious.

Mike (mutters): As if it wouldn't be otherwise....

NEXT MORNING

Author: So how was everyone's shift?!
Everyone (sarcastically): Greaaaaaat~...

Author: AWESOME! I've got great news for you all!

Naz: Really?

Human (whispers): I hope she's changed her mind bout this place...

Author: I've signed us up for another week! YAY!

Everyone: NOOOOOOO!!!

Moral of the story: Don't do crack! (I serously have no clue how this relates to the story, but still)

THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!