FNAF on Drugs: Bonnie on Crack, 5 Nerds at Freddy's, and other jacked-up stories

Kill That Balloon Boy!

ONCE UPON A TIME, IN A LAND FAR, FAR AWAY:

Author (approaches everyone, who happen to be lazily sitting on the couch): POOF
*everyone is suddenly teleported into another game show AU (alternate universe)*
Foxy: AUTHOR WHADDID YOU DO?!
Author (now wearing clothing similar to Maria's outfit from "I've Found a Way To Be Happy Forever"): Shut up, Cami, I'm running a game show here. *turns to face audience* Ai, dōmo! Its me, your hostess!
*people cheer loudly*
Author: Today, we're going to play a fun and exiting game! Is everyone ready?!
*everyone cheers loudly*
Author: All right! Our game is called "Kill That Balloon Boy"! The rules are this: behind these doors, there are several methods for killing Billy, aka Balloon Boy, speaking of which where is that fat b*stard?
Billy (derps onstage): hurp durp hello
Author: oh there he is. *points to a set of large doors, labeled 1-10* Alright, and as for the guests, who would like to go first? *points to the Nerds and animatronics*
Naz (buzzes in quickly): ME
Author: All right! Pick a number, Nazzy!
Naz: 5!
*door number 5 opens, revealing a tank of sharks*
Author: it works even better since Billy is made of metal! *goldie drop kicks Billy into the pit of sharks... the water soon turns black with oil*
crowd: Hooray!
Billy (somehow mamages to climb out of the tank): I'm here!
Crowd: D*mn!
Author: All right, who's next?
Foxy: ME!
Billy: Foxy, why?! I helped you kill Jeremy!
Foxy: That's over now! *turns back to face Author* door number 10, make it fast.
*door 10 opens, revealing...*
Author: A crowd of Foxy fan girls?! And they didn't invite ME?!
Angry fangirls: HOW DARE YOU STEAL OUR FOXY FROM US!!! *fangirls begin to beat up Billy*
Crowd: Yay!
Billy (somehow crawls out alive AGAIN): Still here, b*tches!
Crowd: D*mn!
Author: Frick that does it. Human!
*human comes out from behind the curtains in a pink maid's outfit, one CLEARLY imported from Japan...*
Author: OPEN DOOR 21
Human: The doors only go up to 10, dumb@$$.
Author: OPEN IT ANYWAY.
*magical door #21 appears and Human opens it, revealing...*
Billy: Metal?!
Author: That's right, Balloon B*tch!
*everyone beats Billy to death with conveniently placed blunt metal objects*
Author: Yay! Now to finish the job! Everyone, get out of the way!
*everyone climbs up the curtains, miraculously including Freddy*
Author: And now... BUS!
*bus comes flying in and destroys Billy*
Everyone: YAY!
Author: BUS AGAIN
*bus flies through the air, knocks everyone off the curtains, and kills them until the next episode*
Author: BUS ALWAYS FINDS A WAY.

THE END