FNAF on Drugs: Bonnie on Crack, 5 Nerds at Freddy's, and other jacked-up stories

Five Nights at Author's

ONCE UPON A TIME

Freddy and the other 4 animatronics wake up in night guard uniforms in a dark room

Freddy: Oh crap. You guys OK?
Foxy (trying to stand): Aye.
Chica: yeah but where are we?
Bonnie (looks around): It looks like...
*collective gasp*
Everyone: THE GUARD ROOM?!
Goldie: What are we doing here?! *looks down* AND WHY IS FOXY DRESSED LIKE A FEMALE NIGHT GUARD
Bonnie: *looks around* Why are any of us dressed as night guards?! Though Foxy wearing girly clothing does trigger some questions in my mind.
Foxy (annoyed): Doesn't it always...
Freddy: hey look guys, a security camera! I wonder what's on it! *turns on the monitor* oh no. Guys, ya MIGHT want to take a look at this...
(Everyone looks on the screen to find:)
Foxy: OH GOD WHY
Chica: What? I can't see a thing.
Foxy: AUTHOR AND HER BAND OF ****ERS ARE ON THE STAGE!!!
Bonnie (sarcastically): Way to keep it PG.
Freddy (correcting foxy): three of them, anyway.
Foxy (panicking): THAT'S STILL REALLY BAD!!! DUDE!!!! IF SHE SEES ME IN THIS, CHRIST KNOW WHAT SHE'S GONNA DO TO ME!! *cries*
Bonnie: Don't look now, but Author just got off the stage.
Foxy: NOOOOO!!! *wailing*
Chica (slaps foxy): PULL IT TOGETHER HERE DUDE YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE THE MANLY ONE HERE!
Author (appears in the west doorway): Yeah, even if you're a girl, you really are.
Foxy: NOOO! SHES HERE!!! My life is OVER!!!! *cries pathetically*
Author (clueless as usual): why? You're a girl. You're supposed to wear that kind of thing. *points at the ridiculously high-cut skirt and midriff jacket on Foxy* Actually, come to think of it, that would make a great uniform for me and da squad. *yells down the hallway* HEY GUYS COME LOOK AT FOXY HER OUTFIT GOT MUCH SWEG
Foxy: I'M RUINED!!!
Naz (appears from nowhere): HI RUINED, I'M NAZ!!! *high fives Author, both laugh like crazy*
(Human and Lauren follow Naz)
Goldie (well-aquatinted with the four; after all, weirdoes do stick together, right?): hey guys. Where's Clueless?
Author (shrugs): she's home with something. Don't ask me what, do I look like a doctor to you?
Foxy: Maybe you would if you weren't so stupid!! WOAH!! BURNNNN!!
Author: You're mean, Cami! *face turns red**crosses her arms*
Goldie: Kay what're ya gonna do to us now?
Author: Come to think of it-
Lauren and Human: GIVE US A CHANCE TO TALK, D*MN IT!
Author: PG!
Lauren and Human: WHATEVER!
Human: we don't have anything bad to do to you. We're just kinda here to annoy you.
*6am bell goes off*
(All 5 animatronics throw off their stupid night guard outfits)
Animatronics (running down the hall and trampling the four nerds): I HOPE WE NEVER HAVE TO LIVE THAT NIGHTMARE AGAIN
Author: Later foos! *picks up Foxy's uniform and puts it on* I was right! This does look good on me!
Lauren (rolls eyes): Keep tellin' yourself that, Author...
THE END (no obnoxiously long chains of exclamation points today, people.)