Dust and Ashes ( Fan Fiction of Who Made Me A Princess)

Chapter 16 : Lotus Lake

"Is it?"

She can't hide it anymore, yet she didn't want to veil it anymore. The feels that she has concealed, the feels that she was afraid someday would come up from the bottom of her heart and load her weak heart, has streamed her cheeks in tears and bought her the sob. Claude was quite shocked due to the sudden sight but still he can't brought that steps to dart closer and hold those tears from flowing.

But he was always being like this, wasn't he?

Has he ever cared when she was crying and tears came to soak that cheeks?

Wouldn't this be the same thing, when she got to hear the conversation and knew that there was another Princess that she cried and Claude still did nothing? It was only when she was seven years old, that she chose to hide behind those golden royal curtain in his office room when Felix came and they were arguing. It was only when she was seven years old that she chose to run after she heard those damn fact and tried to forget it.

From the very moment, she has been suffered for being a Princess. She has been suffered by every day and night courses she needed to take, by every history and dancing class, diplomatic relationship and the royal's attitude she needed to learn for being a perfect princess that her people could proud of. For the good daughter her father could dear of.

Has he ever asked her about this?

Has he ever asked how tired she was for pretending whole of this time?

That she wasn't okay. That she was afraid, that she was even shivering and trembling when she heard that Magrita's name in that tea party.

Has Claude ever known it?

Has he ever known that It wasn't only Jennette who being suffered from this damn game Claude tried to play with her mother or Jennette's either. It was also her who being suffered for this lied and hidden game for the existence of the another Princess and she hated for experiencing this feeling.

"Am I saying the wrong words? Doesn't it true that all father would protect his daughter and still you mad at me?"

"Don't you suppose to tell us the truth?"

"Us?"

It should be easy for talking this after just few years waited this chance to finally come. It should be easy when the words already on her mouth waited for finally to be realesed and she still stuttered by her own tears. Claude still didn't know what was happening either but finally decided to give her a hug. But those hug has been dried. Those worries has meant nothing than only a vain. Her eyes now was only seeing the bleak and dark day upon, and there was Jennette in the center of her soaring heart.

"I don't know what you're thinking about, Athanasia. But I'm your father and you're my daughter. There wouldn't anything in this world which could change it."

And changed the fact that Jennette was part of this imperial family too.

Athanasia cursed it silently, still sobbed.

Those hands were linking to Athanasia's shoulder, head was lying close to his heart, but he never felt she was this far, unreachable and distant. He could only felt those eyes were vacant and emptiedly stared, arms still clung on where she laid it lastly and eyes focus toward the glowing lotus that swayed gracefully.

"Take me."

"Take my beauty."

"Take me, my sweetie."

The lotus sweetestly sang, enchantingly and attracting. It took half of her messed mind to finally reach her hand out from the boat and touched the water unprotectedly--

"ATHANASIA!"

It was only the cold water which she firstly felt, it was only the clear lotus flower that she touched before something similar to tentacles grew rapidly from beneath the surface and thronged her in to the cold lake without she nor Claude ever has a chance to recognize what was really happening.

The sight was quite shocking both terrifying, the time was felt frosted at the time he lost his grab and Athanasia freely being gone from his hold. What he could only did was only screaming, before that scream was also drowned by another splashed water and he jumped to that lake too.

"Dad! Help! Help!"

Athanasia has sunk in, all she could felt was numb and she was shooted by an endless shout. She even couldn't heard Felix that was screaming on the green grasses yard, the knights that run and jumped, and also Lily who has gone mad for crying and both of them were limping for their trembling knees. All she saw was only an endless dark, both suffocating and hurting. She could felt her body was only going weakened, water rapidly thronged her lungs and only bought her few breaths left in throat.

It was only the voice and the shouts that came from her mind that keep her awoke. The girl with pouted cheeks, blue jeweled eyes glinted beyond trickling tears. The girl tried to reach her hand out to the man above the boat in panicking stare. The girl has loudly yelled and screamed, tears already soaked that cheeks both with the water that has half drowned her in cold. But the man just sat and watched her expressionlessly. He even didn't bother to lend her a hand, to even panickedly saw his one and only daughter almost drowned and called someone to help. He just sat, he just sat and let the girl vainly screamed as her legs already tired from paddling and the water drowned her more.

She has no love from anyone, she even grew by no one's care and has no love from a man she called a Dad. Lucas, Lily, Felix, they wouldn't ever could completed the hole on herself to be whole. All was lies, all was dreams, and happiness that she saw was only a story for a dreamer that couldn't meant to be true.

"Your blue jeweled eyes were mine, but the other,..."

"Thank you for calling me Dad."

"You're beautiful, Athanasia."

"... And you will always be only."

She reached her hand out toward the same man in her vision. Even if she knew the man wouldn't take her hand back but she was happy he still there in her last moment of her life.

Was this the feeling for being embraced by the people we loved?

Or was this the feeling of finally being realized and to be loved?

She was too weak to see, she was too weak to think that all, and the hug from her hand just loosened as she smiled and her concsious fell.

"Goodbye Dad, I love you."

And it was the last word she could said before her eyes fluttered to close and her breaths disappeared like the vanishing dew.

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