the hanging tree - billie eilish

comforting and confronting |61|

billie's POV

i can't believe i actually agreed to this. but here we are, sneaking out so i can go meet alexis at the tree. i could get in so much trouble just for even leaving the house without finneas but i need answers and finn doesn't need to hear them. not from alexis at least. 

i finally get to the tree and climb up to the branch that alexis and i sit on when we come here. i keep my headphones on and lean my head against the tree. i close my eyes and grab onto one of the other branches so i don't fall over as i wait. as i listen to the music i pay attention to the colors that play out in my head, just waiting for her to show up. 

after about five minutes i see someone on a bike riding towards me. i shine my phone flashlight over at them and see alexis. she props her bike up against the tree and sits down on the table below me. "why'd you bring your bike?" i ask. "i couldn't find my keys and i didn't want to be super late." she shrugs. "oh because you were so early anway" i roll my eyes. "maybe we should talk down here so neither of us gets too injured." she suggests, looking up at me. "alright." i sigh and hop down, sitting down on the other side of the table. "so go ahead and tell me your excuse." i order. 

"billie, i didn't cheat on you. not purposely at least." she tells me, looking down at her fingers the entire time. "what?" i ask, furrowing my eyebrows. "i was.... i was raped bil." she mumbles. "y-you where?" i ask, my anger and confusion immediately turning into worry and concern. i walk over to her side and put my arm around her. "i'm so sorry billie. it's all my fault. i'm sorry." she apologizes, breaking down beneath my finger tips. "hey, look at me. you were sexually assaulted, that is not your fault at all. now tell me who this motherfucker is so i can go beat them the fuck up." i order. "it's happened more than once billie." she sniffles and buries her face in her arms on the table. "do you want to talk about it?" i ask. "i think it's time i do." she nods, wiping her tears. 

"when i was thirteen, i went camping with my family and my uncle. my mom didn't come because she had to work but that's not really relative to the story. anyway, my uncle told me that deers are attracted when the hunters are.... naked. me being the dumbass kid i was, i believed him. i trusted him." she explains. "i kept telling him to stop but he wouldn't listen. he covered my mouth so i couldn't scream for help. all of the sudden, i hear my little sister shout at him to get off of me." she pauses. 

she has a little sister? 

huh, i didn't know that. 

but then again her little brother pretty much lives at their grandma's house so maybe she lives there too.

"he got off of me and started walking over to her. i told him not to touch her but he didn't listen. next thing i know, i'm aiming my gun at him. he started taking off her jacket and i shot." she chokes out, staring off into space like she still can't believe it's true. "i shot her. obviously i ran over to her but we couldn't save her in time. she died right there in my arms." she explains, tears pouring down her face. i can't think of any way to respond so all i do is hug her. "i love you alexis. don't ever forget that." i whisper in her ear, making her hug me even tighter.

once she calms down, i wipe the tears from her cheeks and she clears her throat. "the other night at the party, i got really drunk. and really high. i met this girl and we really hit it off, as friends of course. she kept handing me drinks and for some reason my dumb ass kept taking them. i don't really remember your and i's conversation, all i remember is you screaming at me to get off the counter and leaving you in that room alone. like i said, i can't really remember what happened but i'll do my best to explain. i went back downstairs and started dancing with drew again and she told me we should go somewhere private. i declined but she pulled me upstairs anyway. she kissed me and laid me down on the bed. i tried to pull away but she was so stubborn and aggressive. i kept telling her to stop and trying to push her off but when i did that, she locked my hands in makeshift belt handcuffs. i don't know how many times i passed out but i just couldn't get her to stop." she explains. "i'm so sorry alexis. i shouldn't have let you leave. i should've taken you home." i sniffle. "it's okay bil." she shrugs sadly. "no it's not. what was this chick's name?" i ask. "drew." she answers. 

no fucking way.

she's got to be lying.

drew wouldn't do that. 

i know her and she would never do anything like that. 

she's fucking lying to me.

"you fucking liar" i yell and stand up. "w-what?" she asks in an obviously fake upset voice. "drew wouldn't do that" i assure her. "she did billie." she tells me. "no she didn't! stop fucking lying to me and admit that you cheated on me!" i shout. "i didn't. i promise." she chokes out. "we're fucking done alexis. don't call me, don't text me, don't come by my house, just stay the fuck away from me. i hate you." i say and flip her off, starting to walk home. i see her walk over to her bike after i get far enough and see her grab something from her basket. i look closer and see that it's rope. 

fuck.